The paralyzing grip of self created artificial scarcity

Background information:

For the past year since I've been here you've all seen my struggle on my blog with these preoccupations with people. In particular these past three months have been brutal after I cuddled with a co-worker and then our relationship was downgraded back to casual friendship. I would be fine with it then be hit with how upsetting it all was and longing for closeness again with this co-worker. This has been a thread of my life in general.

A lot of the journaling and self triad worksheets I've been doing is essentially cognitive behavioral therapy. I am a firm believer in the power of neuroplasticity and how malleable our minds actually are. In CBT there is the concept of pathological beliefs, which is beliefs we subconsciously hold that are false and prevent us from progressing in certain aspects of our life.

I've confronted a few of my own through this process, and awareness is really the most important part of it, once you are aware of your own pathological beliefs changing them is a matter of deciding to do so. If youre unaware of these beliefs you can't change them. I think this is why therapy is effective for people because it can help people see what they otherwise wouldn't with an outsiders perspective.

However, for those of us who are introspective, if we are open and invest enough time we can usually uncover these things ourselves which is what I've been doing.

Here is the latest pathological belief I've discovered:

The pathological belief that some resources are scarce. I combine this too with the pathological belief that another person must love me for me to have value and BOOM you've got the perfect recipe for what I've been going through.

Scarcity will create intensity. So if you perceive a resource as being scarce, when you obtain it that will increase the level of importance of it in your life. But not all of what we perceive to be scarce really is, and the mind becomes a machine which feeds itself whatever we believe (confirmation bias). To break free of this paralyzing grip, we must prove to ourselves that the resource in question is not scarce. The first step of this task is to be open to the idea that your belief is scarcity could be wrong.

Almost always if your mind ruminates on a single event which you enjoyed, it is a sign to you that you desire MORE of this resource.



We want to recreate that moment we remember, but that is impossible. Ultimately you must figure out:

Why does this moment stand out to me?

What resource did I obtain in this moment that I perceive as scarce?

There lies your answer.


You will never recapture your past, but you can identify what made the past enjoyable and chase that. Not the person, not the circumstance, but THE RESOURCE you obtained. Intimacy, for example. Clarity of mind. These things I have chased by trying to recreate a moment, only accepting the resource in the same form I first discovered it, implying it is scarce when really I can find it many ways if I am open to the possibility.

 

I was meditating at work and walked into a freestyle rap practice session with a couple of my coworkers (including the one I had cuddled with) and I declined to participate then finally decided to do it because it scared me.

It was after that I had the realization.

For some reason, doing something new and scary gives me breakthroughs.

 

Correct!

But see I had to come to this realization myself

You can hear people say things but for me I have a clicking moment from when the wisdom comes from directly within me

 

You couldn't buy my love, Pin. Some of us aren't motivated by wealth. I get the sense you were kidding, though

 

I don't think you're interpreting it the way I meant. In this context, this person rejected me and doesn't want to have physical intimacy with me. They will have emotional intimacy but not physical intimacy. I have spent the past three months agonizing about that, fixated on this one person who has already communicated their lack of desire for these things.

I *have* to unhook the feelings from the person. Im not going to rape him, and I want to move forward. So I have to seek my desires in someone who wants to give that to me.

 

Are you saying he's not actually a man?

 

I just don't I understand what you're trying to say here. He told me that he does not want physical intimacy but he does want emotional intimacy so I don't really understand what you're arguing here. Am I supposed to ignore his wishes?