The Nice Guy | INFJ Forum

The Nice Guy

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Life.is.beautiful

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Oct 26, 2010
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I'm new to this so if there is another thread like this already, please direct me, but I looked through a few of the pages already.

Are any INFJ guys often the "Nice Guy" who becomes best friends with girls, and are able to talk to them in a real way and listen to their problems, and talk about feelings, and then realize they are waist deep in the friend zone with no way of getting out of it.

I have, obviously. I guess I'm wondering if this is common for other INFJs......
 
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Welcome! It's not just Infj guys who end up in this situation either. I think any NFJ has found themselves here at one point or another
 
Welcome! It's not just Infj guys who end up in this situation either. I think any NFJ has found themselves here at one point or another
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So true, and Life.is.beautiful....howdy.
 
Sigh. All the damn time.
 
I have found myself in the "friend zone" in the past, but it was my own fault. I never really let those women feel that I also saw them as someone sexual. Whatever passion I may have felt I hid. If I don't send the signals, then how can they be received?
 
I love the friend zone... ...only because I like helping people with their problems.
 
Praefect said:
I have found myself in the "friend zone" in the past, but it was my own fault. I never really let those women feel that I also saw them as someone sexual. Whatever passion I may have felt I hid. If I don't send the signals, then how can they be received?
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Honestly I think this is the majority of the problem for friend-zoned INFJ's. They don't really put their interest in a romantic sense fast enough or explicit enough. I have heard of many times with INFJ's relying on the other person to put in effort, or leave it up purely to subtle cues. You need to have a level of directness, goal, and assertiveness with it.

Of course, there are times where people do seem to attract the friend-zone for no apparent reason at all, even after being explicit. However I feel this is to be very rare.
 
Honestly I think this is the majority of the problem for friend-zoned INFJ's. They don't really put their interest in a romantic sense fast enough or explicit enough. I have heard of many times with INFJ's relying on the other person to put in effort, or leave it up purely to subtle cues. You need to have a level of directness, goal, and assertiveness with it.
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what you and Praefect said has been my experience as well, the romantic relationships I have had were not from letting the other party pick up my subtle (non existant to others) clues, but when I made it clear what my intent was.
 
I can tell you it's not INFJ specific.
 
i've seen this sort of thread before and it kind of annoys me. it often seems to me that this eternal complaint is needy, full of self-pity, and even self-entitlement. expectations, expectations! - there is zero humility in it! as if she owes you something more, just because you have shown her friendship! is her friendship simply not enough for you? the whole time you're being nice to her, are you thinking in the back of your mind not about her as a unique person and the fun you're having together, but about why she won't cling to you or provide you with a relationship? perhaps she is not attracted to you. sex is not guaranteed to us as humans; maybe you will meet a compatible partner in future and maybe you won't, there are plenty of people in the human race who never even get kissed. and being a good person is its own reward. if you're doing it with the expectation that it will make you deserving of sex or some sort of validating devotion, you are not sincere about it.
 
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i've seen this sort of thread before and it kind of annoys me. it often seems to me that this eternal complaint is needy, full of self-pity, and even self-entitlement. expectations, expectations! - there is zero humility in it!
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While I think there is some powerful truths in that statement, I also think it can also come from place when we experience the difficulties of being introverted in an extroverted canted world It takes some time, mistakes and some scars to navigate those waters, but you are right, there are no guarantees. Being kind and thoughtful and good....all while not expecting the other to have mind reading powers can help the odds a bit.
 
I "friendzone" all guys immediately, hehehe, just to make sure their gender doesn't interfere with my connecting with them ^^. After we become friends, THEN I give considerations. !!!

No, but really, I think I fall for my closest guy friends all the time. I've never met an INFJ guy before and I think if I did, they would NOT be in my friendzone at all. Heck I think I might skip over the initial friendzoning preliminaries for you guys!
 
Your doomed I tells ya, DOOMED!

Create an out of body experience, check your self from a birds eye view, deploy the beavers...
 
*angry rant*
 
it's not a way of telling someone they're unattractive. if it must be looked at in this way, it's a way of telling them that they don't fit your personal criteria for a relationship. i've met guys that i thought were intelligent and handsome and who were interested in me, but the bottom line was that they weren't right for me. the chemistry wasn't there, they weren't what i wanted. i liked and respected them as friends, but i didn't want to be with them every day for the rest of my life. i was being fair to them, as opposed to taking them on and using them for my gratification before eventually disposing of them. i've got the same response from guys i was interested in too. no big deal.
 
Also, about the friendzone theory:
I do believe that 'nice guys' can get the girls.
 
Bird said:
Okay, sometimes girls only want to be friends because they
don't find the male sexually attractive. However in my experience
I have only done this once. Once. Usually if we friend zone you
it's because you have some quality we can't stand or a friend has
a thing for you. Or god forbid we have a thing for someone that's
not you and we just don't tell you about him so you won't get
angry and go all livid/psycho because you're being friend-zoned,
again. Because believe me, there is always an again when it comes
to males and the friend zone.
Sometimes girls just want to be friends, okay?
Get off it.
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Yea.
I'm okay with being friends.
 
It's possible we scared away Mr. Threadstarter in our gentle way of telling him that he was full of horsesh*t and should embrace celibacy as a higher calling.

We hardly knew you...

*That was some humor, in case, people get confused with the deadpan expression when I am trying to be funny.
 
Seriously though. Girls hate hearing about the friend zone.
If you want to be "friend zoned", bring it up. Most of us
think the "Friend Zone" is just something the less fair sex
made up in order to soften the blows of rejection because
their egos cannot handle it.
Click to expand...

Bird, I love it when you talk about the friend zone. L O V E it, can not get enough.
:)
 
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