The Introvert and Living Alone | INFJ Forum

The Introvert and Living Alone

Discussion in 'Psychology and MBTI' started by bamf, Jun 30, 2010.

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  1. bamf

    bamf Is Watching You
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    A question for all the introverts (and extroverts should they want to answer): What are your experiences and attitudes with living alone?

    I'm pretty sure I'm an introvert, and I spent the last year or so living alone. While I enjoyed having my own space, and I saw friends pretty much every day, I found living alone to be incredibly lonesome, especially at night. I never had to argue about who ate what, or someone being too loud (except for my neighbors) but I missed the pretty much always available contact that comes with living with somebody.

    So what do you think? How do you feel about living alone? Enjoyable? Lonesome? Better, worse, or just different?
     
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  2. Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    I would love to live alone no doubt about it. And then I could have people over without worrying about all the issues doing that. And so much more. I would rather live alone than with anyone expect a significant other.
     
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  3. dark_angel

    dark_angel Community Member

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    I stay on my own and I must say I do enjoy it but yes you do miss being able to share things with that special someone as long as it is someone that can respect my space. I do not do needy clingy.

    My pet cat and I will spend time in my garden or playing with her toys. The joy of having that quiet time to reflect, read and just be is something I cherish. I don't feel pressured to fill the space with anyone, very satisfying.
     
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  4. Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
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    I live alone for almost a year and I enjoy it. I haven't felt lonely except for maybe 1 or 2 times and then I called a friend. I like it to not been told all the time to do this or that.When I live with someone I always keep an eye on them to see how they are doing or what they expect me to do. It is very relaxing that there is nobody around I should take into acount. I only miss someone to tell how my day has been. If something important happened I call or write a friend and she does the same with me(we both live alone).

    only living with that special someone would be better than living alone :)
     
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  5. Gaze

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    When i lived alone briefly, it was hard getting used to after living with family for so long. I could do it but it was lonely. I'd rather have a roommate. tbh, not sure if i'd feel less lonely living with a partner. I think the expectations which come with living with a significant other may have it's own issues, which i'm not sure i'm ready for. I'd rather live alone for now, if given the choice.
     
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  6. beetpoet

    beetpoet Community Member

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    at the age of 46 was the first time i lived without family members, housemates etc and i was surprised at the way part of me sighed with relief. like, there was some "emotional elbow room" for my introversion that i'd never experienced before.

    i've been living on and off alone the past four years (occasionally have my children living with me in between their adult ventures). i find that i don't mind the alone time and there are some things that just do feel more relaxed to me. it made me aware of how much my "anticipating and empathizing" antennae are always on when other people are around.

    solitude can feel rich to me - in thought, creativity, ability to come to clarity of feelings. one thing i can remember feeling with housemates or as a partner or parent was that longing for a space of solitude sooooo much sometimes. feeling almost starved for it.

    however, this is also the first time in a long time that i've experienced occasional loneliness. when i have enough solitude it's like the space where i can realize my connections and their importance, and experience missing people, and missing that kind of belonging that only comes with being around someone day to day. it's funny too how some small events like watching tv or cooking dinner take on a more important feeling when shared. when it's just me and i have a string of days without that interaction i often end up thinking "is this a valid life? are my actions important enough?" (where i don't really question it if i'm sharing those actions with another person)

    i guess what i would really like is some kind of balance. maybe some day share partnership again but with someone who also needs solitude.

    this is a great topic and i hope we can all find a balance that feels comfortable.
     
  7. NeverAmI

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    Living alone had advantages and disadvantages. Pretty much the cost of living is the only thing that would make me consider a roomie that wasn't a significant other.

    I like my alone time and even with a roommate I tend to isolate myself. Sometimes I get lonely but that tends to persist even if I am around people. But yea, I score extreme on introversion.

    I get really tired of people who don't pull their own weight, though. I have a hard enough time cleaning up after myself, let alone two or more people.
     
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  8. Skathac

    Skathac <font color=#27A601>Community Member</font>

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    I cannot stress enough the value of being able to walk around your home completely naked, it is friggin awesome. There are other perks obviously, like silence. I've lived with a number of different roommates over the years, and I prefer solitude. Once I find that special someone I can definitely see sharing a home with her, but I'll probably need a room/man cave or something.

    I had a short conversation with my buddies H and N at work the other day. N was wondering wtf was the deal with me not being a social butterfly and H just laughed at him, telling N that I was a hermit and hermits tend to stay at home. I really don't understand why I should have to leave my cave to visit friends more than once a week, or sometimes more than once a month. If I see and talk to em here and there doesn't that count as a visit? I talk to them frequently online and I never even have to leave to do so!

    Honestly though I don't mind visitors, I just don't like going out and visiting. I see where you are coming from with getting lonely, but in this case its a tradeoff. Either I'm living with a roommate and not lonely...or I'm in complete control of my cave and nothing is around to agitate me.
     
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  9. Siamese cat

    Siamese cat Madame Cat strikes again

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    I lived alone for almost three years during high school and I miss that time tremendously.

    As Skathac said, walking around butt naked is one of the obvious perks of that arrangement :D , but other than that, it was the freedom of people in general that was the most appealing for me. I could go and come back whenever, finding my things just as I left them, not having to clean around if I don't feel up to it, having the utmost privacy possible, and I almost never felt lonely living alone. The fact is that I more often feel alone being around people than being by myself.

    I wouldn't mind living with my boyfriend because he knows my habits and appreciates my quirks, but living with somebody else is not an option. I can't wait to leave my parents' house and find something on my own.
     
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    #9 Siamese cat, Jun 30, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2010
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  10. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    I have lived by myself without a home and alone with a home before. I obviousely preffered living alone with a roof over my head lol, but both were experiences in my life where I felt like I could finally "breathe". I guess that solitude is something I connect with inwardly even when I'm with others, and that solitude feels cozy, happy and freeing when I'm alone. That same solitude is accompanied with anxiety and disappointment when I experience it while living with others.
     
  11. IndigoSensor

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    A dorm hardly count's as living alone. However this past school year gets as close as you can. I saw my suitemates collectivly over the entire year for maybe an hour or two. Never talked to them, never had the desire to. So pretty much I lived alone. Let me tell you, I love it. I honestly need to live alone. I get grouchy and need my personal space often, and often I want to do it without speaking. Living with my mom this summer has been a little touch and go at times, because if I shut the door, she knocks and asks if everything is ok. I will just want to yell and tell her to stop asking. For an INFJ she does lack in some areas that she shouldn't.
     
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  12. MindYourHead

    MindYourHead Courage doesn't always roar.

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    When I was 34 and my 1st wife and myself split up, I came home from work on the day she moved out her share of things and I did the biggest Snoopy happy dance! (I got the house)
    It wasn't so much because she was gone since we were amicable, it was the sense of freedom I felt that made me feel elated!
    I can do what I want when I want without having to explain myself to anybody.

    I lived alone for 3 years and was very happy during that time.
    I then met my current wife and she and her son moved in

    There are times now I dearly miss living alone. I don't mean that in a bad way, I love my Wife and Step Son but, I sometimes wish I could turn it all on and off at will.
    I just wish I could get the time I need when I need it to turn inward and reflect.
    Recharge my emotional batteries. Alone time at will.

    I love to be alone, but don't like being lonely. They are 2 different things.
     
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    #12 MindYourHead, Jun 30, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2010
  13. Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    I definitely prefer living alone. It would be magical.

    The issue is that I feel like I need a sanctuary where I can completely recharge/ recalibrate, where I'm completely free to mull over past experiences and devise plans of actions on things. This way, when I go out into the world I go out completely re-energised and give 100% of myself to whatever I'm doing or to whoever I'm around. I feel living that way will make me a better person to others and more potent in whatever I do. Tension, awkwardness, crowdedness, noise and lack of privacy sucks at the energy I could be using positively in the outside world. Either that or it would have to be an INFJ friendly environment and since my girlfriend is one... I'd have no problems living with her :D

    Not being judged about every little thing you do and not having people in your business is a big bonus too. I'm more spontaneous and free to do whatever I feel like when there isn't the pressure of observation.
     
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  14. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    I lived alone for a few weeks a couple of years ago, I also found it lonesome. weird, when there are people around I isolate myself, but when nobody at all is there I get bored and unhappy and willing to talk to anyone. don't think I could be happy living by myself indefinitely. even just one person around makes a big difference.
     
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  15. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    I love living alone - when I'm at home for those few hours between evening and morning it's pure gold.

    My home is a retreat/sanctuary from the bustle of my day-to-day life.
     
  16. Jonathan

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    I don't know whether I'll like living alone or not. I have a pretty big family, and I'm the oldest child. It will be a big adjustment trying to get used to worrying about only myself. I know I'll enjoy being able to have space and extra free time, but I think I'll miss the sense of responsibility and being able to talk to my mom/ sister about things. I also wonder if the silence will be relaxing or menacing.
     
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  17. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    I loved living alone.
    Sometimes I'd get lonely or scared of burglars.. but over all it was cozy.

    Living with a significant other.. I'm still adjusting to it-- but overall it's enjoyable. As long as there's enough room (and there is) for each of us to be alone doing our own thing.. it's great.

    The only thing I don't enjoy is being told to clean up after myself and not being able to put the AC on when I want. Little things like that.. I'm used to being on my own and handling things on my own so I'm not having the easiest time being questioned about money and messes and stuff... but that goes with the territory I suppose.

    I lived with a female roommate awhile ago as well. That was no big deal. She was extremely clean and hardly ever home. Whenever she was home, it was like hanging out with a friend. So I enjoyed that as well.

    I guess as long as I have some personal space it doesn't matter to me.
    Now living with my parents and brother when I was younger was horrible.. small house and too much contact.. drove me mad.
     
    #17 acd, Jul 1, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2010
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  18. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    I loved being alone. The calmness, the complete control of silence and noise, the solitude, the freedom to express myself.....

    Yes, it gets lonely sometimes, but then I call someone, I message someone. I visit this forum. :)
     
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  19. StaynTrue

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    It sounds like most INFJs actually enjoy living alone. I know for me I lived with my best friend for almost a year and while part of it was the place was too small, it just didn't work. I remember getting annoyed a lot at him bringing his gf over or another friend. I wanted my space at certain times at night and while he tried to be respectful of it, I remember more than once being annoyed by him having other company over. Our friendship fissled after that and it was unfortunate, but made me realize I really love my space.

    Home is like a retreat from me. I can't be out with friends all day, it just gets too tiresome. I need a few hours at least to be alone at my home either napping, surfing the net or doing something I enjoy without outside interference. If I can't have that I start to get irritable and just start daydreaming and blocking people out emotionally in thinking about when I can have that alone time.
     
  20. Poetic Justice

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    I have lived with lots of my friends over the years and there was only one of them that it wasn't a problem with and that is because I never saw him.

    I used to live with my INFJ girlfriend and that was awesome.

    I live alone now. I could never live with anyone other than a significant other again. too stressfull
     
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