The INFJ and "I love you"

[Suraj Z]

How liberal are you, fellow INFJs, with the notorious "I love you"? Who do you say it to, if anyone, and under what circumstances?

If you don't say it–why not? What potential qualms do you have with the phrase, or with using it?

 

[jssanderson747]

I say it to very few people. It actually irritates me heavily when someone says it all willy nilly to whomever pleases them or does them a favor (or other shit like that).

 

[isabellajay]

I tell my parents I love them all the time. I tell my siblings a little less. I tell my friends rarely. And I've never said it to a significant other, as he doesn't exist yet. When he does, I imagine I'll do my best to show him rather than actually verbalize it. I'll still verbalize it to him, but not as much.

 

[jyrffw54]

I tell everyone, everyday.

 

[YourFavoriteNightmare]

Not an INFJ but offer my opinion nonetheless.
I tell no one. I have in the past, uncommonly, but it had a very shallow meaning. I can't entirely define it now and according to my most current definition (an all encompassing love and fondness) I won't dare say it.

 

[Mary Shelley]

six humans
many other animals
no deities
some ideas
many foods
many songs
three interests

 

[Hazard]

Not an INFJ but offer my opinion nonetheless.
I tell no one. I have in the past, uncommonly, but it had a very shallow meaning. I can't entirely define it now and according to my most current definition (an all encompassing love and fondness) I won't dare say it.

I'm always going to start telling you I love you now so you get uncomfortable and don't know how to react. hahaha I tell anyone that I feel close enough to say it to without them getting uncomfortable. I believe love is one of the most important things in life and that a whole and complete, unconditional love should be felt for everybody so I do feel it for everybody. I just know you can't go around telling people that because people don't really understand or know what to do when you tell them that. So I tell my close friends and family, people I chill a lot with.

 

[yndsu]

Actually "I love you"? To 3 people that i can remember for sure (2 ex's and the girl I'm in love with now). To family members it is more like that i care about you and so on, but never really have used word love. Specially now as i dont really know them any more (lived abroad for so long). More likely to say love to my adopted family in he UK.

And my dogs and cats. I loved them. And would say it to the dogs at least as well when talking to them sometimes.

 

[kitty125]

my cat and previous dog

i would never say it to my parents. too awkward. i've thought about saying it to romantic partners, but i don't think i've ever loved anyone non-family.

how do you know if you love someone? is there a way to measure your feelings? sometimes i think i'm really an INTJ

 

[Swarmer]

I have not once said that in my life because saying that you love someone has so much meaning. It's also awkward beyond belief.

 

[Hazard]

my cat and previous dog

i would never say it to my parents. too awkward. i've thought about saying it to romantic partners, but i don't think i've ever loved anyone non-family.

how do you know if you love someone? is there a way to measure your feelings? sometimes i think i'm really an INTJ

I think that there are degrees of love, but saying you love someone for me means that you're willing to die for them. "Greater love has no man than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends."

 

[kitty125]

I think that there are degrees of love, but saying you love someone for me means that you're willing to die for them. "Greater love has no man than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends."

That's very intense, and I've considered as much, but I think realistically for me it's more like, "If you can't live without someone in your life, and/or your life will never be complete without them." And I agree w/ swarmer that "ILY" is such an awkward thing to say to people. My last um love interest told me he loved me... I could only respond with silence.

 

[Hazard]

That's very intense, and I've considered as much, but I think realistically for me it's more like, "If you can't live without someone in your life, and/or your life will never be complete without them." And I agree w/ swarmer that "ILY" is such an awkward thing to say to people. My last um love interest told me he loved me... I could only respond with silence.

I suppose that's another type of love- romantic. In that case I've only loved one person- my high school sweet heart. She left me and I was the most devastated I've ever been in my entire life. That's saying a lot. I suppose the type of love I'm talking about is unconditional love. Like no matter what you do to me, I'd still die for you.

 

[kitty125]

I suppose that's another type of love- romantic. In that case I've only loved one person- my high school sweet heart. She left me and I was the most devastated I've ever been in my entire life. That's saying a lot. I suppose the type of love I'm talking about is unconditional love. Like no matter what you do to me, I'd still die for you.

Did you ever get over her?

 

[Hazard]

Did you ever get over her?

Just recently. After three years somehow I got over magically one day in an instant. I really don't know how to explain it. It hurt me everyday and I thought about her every single day till then.

 

[Hazard]

Did you ever get over her?

I guess you could say in one moment my fear of the pain she caused me overcame the love of the happiness she gave me and I winced. As you may not know, love is the opposite of fear. Oddly enough that was as good thing though because the pain stopped. It's strange. I was lucky.

 

[MrWindUpBird]

I like this thread, interesting question!

I've been thinking about this in the last couple of months. I'm in the first relationship where I don't say "I love you" every day, and it's SO much better. We've been dating for over a year, and I've said it maybe 3 times. Saving it up for important times makes it so much more meaningful.

 

[Felidire]

The phrase is mostly just my way of expressing extreme adoration or fondness for someone, which means a lot in itself because such feelings are pretty rare with me.

but I think realistically for me it's more like, "If you can't live without someone in your life, and/or your life will never be complete without them."

If you ever realize that you "can't live without someone" in your life, then it's time to stop using that person as a crutch and to begin working on your own personal growth.

I think everyone should be whole and complete - entirely on their own - as a prerequisite to wholeheartedly and honestly being able to say "I love you".

In other words: "If you're not whole, then the love you give is only worth a fraction?"

 

[FawnRain]

Sometimes I'm very liberal with it, sometimes not. I only say it when I mean it though. It really depends on the person. I tell my family I love them all the time, I make sure that I do every time I see them... especially my brother, mom, and aunt. I tell the people that I actually consider to be close/best friends that I love them a lot too As far as relationships go though, I'm really picky about that. I don't say it unless I feel that I really mean it.

 

[lawruhn]

Sometimes I'm very liberal with it, sometimes not. I only say it when I mean it though. It really depends on the person. I tell my family I love them all the time, I make sure that I do every time I see them... especially my brother, mom, and aunt. I tell the people that I actually consider to be close/best friends that I love them a lot too As far as relationships go though, I'm really picky about that. I don't say it unless I feel that I really mean it.

I'm the same way! I try to express as much as I can to the people I do truly love (family and close friends) whenever possible. In relationships I'll say it if I mean it, and truly feel it. Otherwise I don't at all, because I don't want to throw it around loosely.