[INFJ] The inability to move on

[Pyrrhula]

Does it take you a long time to get over someone? Do you ever really get over them? Do you ever stop thinking about them? Does it affect your current relationships?

INFJs struggle to let go of the past, it seems, and it can be bothersome. How do you successfully move on?

 

[Artemisia]

Yes, it does, but I think I have become better at it. Time and keeping yourself busy with new experiences/things is the answer. Making a daily schedule keeps you accountable and meeting new people (not just men).

 

[Asa]

It takes me years to get over people and significant events. It feel crippling at times.

I've also been observing an INFJ friend recover from a break-up, and it is taking her forever. I wish there was something I could do.

 

[endersgone]

At times yes, very much so. I'm a very nostalgic sort of person, so memories are often formed/reformed in a sort of idealized fashion over time.
I'm aware of my flawed perception, but that doesn't stop it from existing as such in my head. So I don't think I ever get totally over something in the traditional sense, I never really get that sort of healing apathy towards the past/people (or at least that's how I perceive others/friends getting over things). So those I have loved, I will always love. That doesn't necessarily mean I'd ever want to be with them again, but it does make getting over things difficult for me though.

I've also been quite busy over the years, seen and had love from many sources. That doesn't change how I feel as a whole, sometimes it has a temporary effect on those feelings though.
I don't think it affects my current relationships, unless we're talking about learned experience/what I want.

I'm also not an INFJ, so there's that~

 

[Scientia]

If I do the leaving, it's easier but I never quite get over it. Maybe we shouldn't?

 

[aeon]

Does it take you a long time to get over someone?

It depends on the situation. The two times in my life I well and truly loved my partner both ended because of her infidelity.
They both hurt, badly, and took the most time to work through emotionally. Oh, and was hell to work through, too.

Do you ever really get over them?

In time, yes.

Do you ever stop thinking about them?

No.

Does it affect your current relationships?

No, and I wouldn’t enter a relationship of any kind if I was still heartsick, or whatnot.

How do you successfully move on?

I’m not sure. It was different every time. I was different every time. In time, it happens.

But who is to say I did it successfully? I’m jaded, at times, after all.

Not an INFJ...I’m an xNFP.


Cheers,
Ian

 

[sassafras]

I think the single biggest two obstacle to moving on is having the expectation of when moving on will happen and what it will look like. It's different for different people and different for different situations. I think instead of focusing on getting rid of the feeling of hanging on, belittling yourself for how long it's taking, etc. just let it be and continue to live your life. Make plans, try new things, meet new people and be ok with the feeling coming along with you. Eventually you'll find something else to grab your attention anf the feeling will come less and less. Trust the process. No one is 'doomed' to never move on from things.

 

[invisible]

Yes, it takes a long time. For me it is a convoluted process with a lot of different steps and degrees of detachment and can take years. I just need to keep looking for the steps. Things like realising that I am pouring my affections into a hollow ghost and would be better using my emotions on myself, trying to accept the huge impact they had in my life, and feelings I have that they have moved on themselves now and don't need me anymore... lots of puzzle pieces. I do keep thinking about them, but it's not much different in that way to a lot of other things that happened to me that I still think about. But eventually I find a feeling of peace and freedom and separateness. It sort of seems like my self gets enmeshed in them somehow and I need to slowly extricate it.

 

[Pyrrhula]

Maybe it's a symptom of looking for love when you're older, as you've had a number of serious, long-term relationships in the past. Back then, there had simply been no one else. You thought about the one you were with, and that was it. Now, the feelings we have for our new, current partners conjure up memories of those we've had for others. We evaluate new partners based on experiences with the old. It's difficult.

 

[Bellosome]

I can't move in from the memories-- specially the pain/heartache/wrong things.. I kept reassessing myself what happened, what have i done, if. I did it differently would it still end up like it did? How would i correct it if there's a new relationship?

Lol. I speak as if i have long term lovers. Hahaha longest i dated is a month.