The disappearing act

M

Matariki

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I don't know if this is something that is related to ENTP's only or multiple personality types, but I find myself doing it allot.

How can I put it, sometimes I find myself disappering from things that I am no longer envolved in or feel that I have no part of, even if I have friends that are envolved in that certain activity. I tend to slowly cut myself away until I am no longer apparent that also includes cutting myself off from friends.
I don't know why I do this, but often I find myself residing in my home.

Its not often I go out anymore or do the typical 'hang out with your friend's' activity (I never really had any friends) Only going out to get the odd bits and pieces or to attend Boxing, I don't talk to many people as I do these activities.

I find it rather frustrating just as get to really know someone I cut them off.

Even here on the forums I'm starting to notice myself withdrawing. :m075:
 
I'll be watching the replies because I'm like that too. I could come up with a zillion answers but I'm not certain why I do it either.
 
I'm guilty of it as well. Sometimes it just happens and I discover later on that I've done it without even thinking about it. I have no idea why that happens. But sometimes I do it consciously. I can only speak for myself but I think the latter case might have to do with some kind of a self-preservation thing. Energy conservation maybe. I can't say that it's boredom or frustration but something is going on beneath the surface that makes me withdraw. I just get a deep sense of the need to withdraw. And unfortunately it does bring about negative feelings afterwards.
 
I agree with you on that description.
 
Yes, I do this withdrawing too, however, I'm usually not completely aware when I do it. Something bothers me about the situation and then I pull back for a while or permanently. When I look back, I usually rationalize my behavior by saying that it was something that someone did but really its more about me being oversensitive or over-burdened. Part of the problem for me is that I'm not always comfortable confronting people when I feel hurt or annoyed. I rather ruminate about for a while and see what the other person does. This is pretty immature on my part. I also think that sometimes, we INFJs do just need to rest and recharge, which, for some means withdrawing for a while.
 
The quiet of my own home, if I can get a little quiet, or the solitude of my work space, and the "me against myself" (or more soulfully me pushing myself) in the lap lane of the pool. In all these places I am relaxed and content. I am happy to mix it up a little with coworkers or the occasional brew enthusiast that might happen by, but by and large my circle of friends is my wife and children. Few are those who share my interests.
 
Hotkebab said:
I don't know if this is something that is related to ENTP's only or multiple personality types, but I find myself doing it allot.

How can I put it, sometimes I find myself disappering from things that I am no longer envolved in or feel that I have no part of, even if I have friends that are envolved in that certain activity. I tend to slowly cut myself away until I am no longer apparent that also includes cutting myself off from friends.
I don't know why I do this, but often I find myself residing in my home.

Its not often I go out anymore or do the typical 'hang out with your friend's' activity (I never really had any friends) Only going out to get the odd bits and pieces or to attend Boxing, I don't talk to many people as I do these activities.

I find it rather frustrating just as get to really know someone I cut them off.

Even here on the forums I'm starting to notice myself withdrawing. :m075:
Click to expand...
your thoughts made me think of this song, hotkebab:
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sm7rDB2keio"]YouTube- February Song[/ame].
i guess it's just something about being by yourself for awhile, trying to centre yourself...idk...but it made me think of the song, one of my faves..
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day
Click to expand...
 
yes I do this all the time...I had always considered it a trait of the introvert, but now my mind is changed...perhaps we all do it, or perhaps those of us who fear we will sabotage the relationship anyway, choose to distance ourselves rather than deal with the conflict..
 
maybe you're bored and don't know in what direction you should be headed. in that case, you should find what excites you and go after it. and expect to come across a lot of unexciting things & people along the way.
 
I do that too and I do it because the friendship is getting in a dangerous state. If I go further with it I need to invest more and I'm not sure whether I want to. Not only invest more, be more myself. Most of the times I have put on a mask so the other person would like me but when the friendship goes further, I can't keep that up anymore and have to reveal myself. I need to open up more to the other person and I'm to scared of what they will think of the real me. Can I show them my doubts, my sadness without them backing away and judging me?
Most of the times when I did showed them, when I did acted like me, the friendship grew deeper than ever before...

why are you withdrawing from the forums?
 
Maybe you are hoping to find out that someone misses you.
 
Morgain said:
I do that too and I do it because the friendship is getting in a dangerous state. If I go further with it I need to invest more and I'm not sure whether I want to. Not only invest more, be more myself. Most of the times I have put on a mask so the other person would like me but when the friendship goes further, I can't keep that up anymore and have to reveal myself. I need to open up more to the other person and I'm to scared of what they will think of the real me. Can I show them my doubts, my sadness without them backing away and judging me?
Most of the times when I did showed them, when I did acted like me, the friendship grew deeper than ever before...
Click to expand...

This^^
 
Seriously, preemptive rejection is a shared form of paranoia between our types. Trust isn't a state for us, it's an achievement.
 
Matariki said:
I don't know if this is something that is related to ENTP's only or multiple personality types, but I find myself doing it allot.

How can I put it, sometimes I find myself disappering from things that I am no longer envolved in or feel that I have no part of, even if I have friends that are envolved in that certain activity. I tend to slowly cut myself away until I am no longer apparent that also includes cutting myself off from friends.
I don't know why I do this, but often I find myself residing in my home.

Its not often I go out anymore or do the typical 'hang out with your friend's' activity (I never really had any friends) Only going out to get the odd bits and pieces or to attend Boxing, I don't talk to many people as I do these activities.

I find it rather frustrating just as get to really know someone I cut them off.

Even here on the forums I'm starting to notice myself withdrawing. :m075:
Click to expand...


I do this often. I think for me is because I can get drained if I am around people toi long. I tend to put others first and myself second and when in time I find that the people Iam giving my all to are somehow using me or not taking the friendship/relationship/ me seriously I tend to go into "fix it " mode and try and find the cause (s) of the issue. I also dont give up on people that I care about and , yes, can be pushy in the process of trying to solve the issue....and for me all of that is just draining....and usually I habe to cut ties in the end when I feel that devalued by the person I put so much of myself into in the first place....so I feel very hirt and frustrated...all of this results in me shutting down and shutting myself away...the thing for me though is that in this time I heal and learn and I almost experience a rebirth of sorts and when I am ready to come back out of my shell I'd like to think I am a better me each time. I hope this made sense its 332am where I am and I have yet to sleep....my silly brain wont let me...like pooh all I do is think...think....think...
 
Mildpetrichor said:
I do this often. I think for me is because I can get drained if I am around people toi long. I tend to put others first and myself second and when in time I find that the people Iam giving my all to are somehow using me or not taking the friendship/relationship/ me seriously I tend to go into "fix it " mode and try and find the cause (s) of the issue. I also dont give up on people that I care about and , yes, can be pushy in the process of trying to solve the issue....and for me all of that is just draining....and usually I habe to cut ties in the end when I feel that devalued by the person I put so much of myself into in the first place....so I feel very hirt and frustrated...all of this results in me shutting down and shutting myself away...the thing for me though is that in this time I heal and learn and I almost experience a rebirth of sorts and when I am ready to come back out of my shell I'd like to think I am a better me each time. I hope this made sense its 332am where I am and I have yet to sleep....my silly brain wont let me...like pooh all I do is think...think....think...
Click to expand...


Excuse the typos. Yeesh. It's late.
 
I think I do it because it is too much effort to call someone. I always get this nagging feeling like I'm in the way and not welcome. I'm usually the one that says, "hey let's meet for a coffee or something" and adds "you're the one that is always busy, so give me a call when you are free". But they never do, unless they have a birthday party, so I do get to see them at least once a year. That doesn't seem to be enough, though. It also doesn't really add to my pretty much non-existent confidence.
 
Ginny said:
I think I do it because it is too much effort to call someone. I always get this nagging feeling like I'm in the way and not welcome. I'm usually the one that says, "hey let's meet for a coffee or something" and adds "you're the one that is always busy, so give me a call when you are free". But they never do, unless they have a birthday party, so I do get to see them at least once a year. That doesn't seem to be enough, though. It also doesn't really add to my pretty much non-existent confidence.
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Thats terrible. Trust me you are not being a nag you are trying to be a friend...once a year? Yeah those arent friends to me.

I hope you find some more worth while people. :)
 
I'm always moved in a certain way (impressed, amazed?) whenever I learn of people who have been close friends for decades, since childhood etc. Not just keeping in touch with one another, but spending quality time together regularly despite the dynamics of their individual lives. I'm barely in contact at all today with the people I called best friends 25-30 years ago. Too much has changed in their lives and mine for those connections to remain intact. Not just tangible things like location and circumstances, but attitudes and beliefs as well.

So I think that in a way the gradual disappearing act the OP described is a natural phenomenon that happens with a lot of people. "Growing apart" is a good shorthand.
 
I do that all the time. However, I'm completely conscious when I do it.

Either someone said something that didn't sit well with me
or I felt unwanted in some way
or I had one of those moments when I look at someone (even if I've known them for years) and feel so alienated from them. There's this separation feelings that sends me right back to my room for a long period of time
But I also do it sometimes because I'm craving solitary quiet activities. Things as simple as watching movies and reading and writing short poems can make me feel much better and more like myself, and I feel I can be a better friend when I feel centered like that.

I have to say, the questions I get when I do it, and the way the people I'm pulling away from talk to me, makes feel very down and upset. Sometimes I feel that one of the main reasons I do not befriend someone, is so I wouldn't have to deal with it. In my experience, they either talked to me like I'm crazy or overly sensitive. The worst part however, is when I've done it too many times and they're fed up. They stop asking about me, their tone changes and I feel as unwanted as ever. But I understand, they must've felt unwanted too, they must've taken it personally.
 
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