Texting/e-mailing with boyfriend or love interest | INFJ Forum

Texting/e-mailing with boyfriend or love interest

Artemisia

Community Member
May 20, 2014
364
307
622
MBTI
INFJ
Does anyone else beside me feel not very loved when your boyfriend or love interest does not reply to texts or takes a long time to reply. My ex told me that he was terrible at texting/e-mailing, but that is how I feel that someone is thinking about me. He would usually reply (after a while) but it always made me anxious and unloved.

Do other women here relate?
 
I'm a guy but I can definitely understand. That said, I'm very guilty of offending. From me, it's nothing personal at all. I am almost always caught up in something, notice the text and think "two minutes while I finish this up" and the next thing I know, the day's over. It's never really with any person in particular, but all of them.
 
I do...but I'm also the worst offender as well.

I think you should look at the behaviour as a whole - was he super responsive and then not? And if so, are there reasons why, like maybe he's just busy!?

I think we're so use to instant communication, that it's become a need, rather than a pleasantry. People use to only be able to talk by mail, can you imagine writing letters and awaiting a response? Crazy!

With that said, if you're in a relationship, you should express your concern to him- it's compromise on both ends! :)
 
As a rule, I'm a terrible texter on purpose. People know I'm horrible at it, so they don't get offended when I don't reply.

It's not that I don't care or that I intend to disrespect the person I'm not responding to, it's just that I hate being so accessible at all hours of the day. I have responsibilities. I have a job. I have other people I live and work with. But most of all, it's hard enough for me to manage my highly distracted personality without people texting me stupid emoticons and buzzfeed pictures every six friggin' seconds.

That and I personally prefer in-person or on-on-the-phone interaction. When I'm there with someone, I'm there with someone. I'm not juggling my focus between fifteen billion different other things. Because god knows, as soon as you respond to a text, there's a 90% chance of having to have a back and forth conversation about virtually nothing because the other person KNOWS you see it and you don't want them to feel like you're giving them the brush off.

And that's not even the worst of it. Once you're done with one person, another person texts you five minutes later and before you know it, you've got nothing done and a whole bunch of pointless interactions that could have been more meaningfully communicated in person or over the phone. Suddenly, when you go home at the end of the work day, instead of spending time with your loved one, you're beating yourself up over how unproductive you were during the day because as soon as you were in the zone, somebody interrupted you with gif of a tap-dancing alligator in a top hat, #zomgyougottaseethis

If your ex shared any of my views, give him a break. It's not that he didn't care or wasn't thinking about you. He was probably just trying to retain his sanity and focus on what was in front of him at the time. Not everyone is wired to be thinking about their loved ones every five minutes.. and even if they are, they prefer to get stuff done at the office so they can go home and enjoy their company, guilt-free.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: rawr
I've been in both places, usually with different people, with different reasons, and I must say acknowledging them all is...a bit ugh and aggh and uwaaaah because PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT AND ATTACHMENT WHAAAAT T_T.

But yes, the more I feel attached to someone; whether by fact (Oh, I'm important to this person), or by wish (I want to be more important), the more it hurts if they don't reply, and the more I will reply in a flash.
Of course, sometimes it leads to a listless discussion / talk where I ACTUALLY JUST WANT TO TALK WITH YOU TALK WITH ME ANYTHING PLEASE

and this is really subjective, as in, me to them; regardless of the reciprocity of it all, although it is DEFINITELY related. Reciprocate it and it will keep growing in hope, Don't reciprocate it and it will keep growing in desperation.