True or False? The more you focus on your own life, interests, health, etc., the more the opposite sex (or same sex if you are homosexual) is interested in you.
Curious to hear personal stories.
Curious to hear personal stories.
T or F: The more you focus on your own life, the more the opposite sex loves you.
- Thread starter Artemisia
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Very true. Others are attracted to someone who appears healthy and fit. 
For me I find that the better you are at focusing your own will on those things in your life which need to be sorted out, understood, etc. The higher your potential may be for improving upon those things prior to meeting someone of significant importance. AKA most people tend to notice when a stone is beautifully polished. You need not go any further than this form for for evidence of that. Thus, someone who is well read, well put together and knows their own mind and morals is of infinite value to our society. And that—at least in my mind—certainly can influence a persons attractiveness.
*sly smile*
And yes, physically the results of your own focus and determination can influence your appearance and sex appeal.
Whether or not the amount of focus you place on yourself is directly correlated to how much they like you...remains to be seen. It probably depends, but I kind of I think not. Reason being, to me, all good things need to be done in moderation. Too much of a good thing, is still too much. And too much self focus can certainly seem rather self-conceited, arrogant, etc.
- Sep 28, 2008
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People are naturally attracted to success because it is an indicator of continued survivability.
Success is largely a byproduct of self-discipline/focus, though the definition of success is somewhat variable.
You can easily attract others by faking success, but only in the short term.
Relationships have a longer lasting success when all involved are self-disciplined in a healthy way.
Relationships often fail when there is a mismatch between expectations of success and ability to succeed.
The shitty thing is, sometimes the expectation is outside the realm of possibility and it's nobody's fault.
But blame will be placed regardless because things "could have" gone differently.
Ultimately, if you don't effectively communicate expectations and you aren't honest about the inevitability of failure, it's over before it started.
Success is largely a byproduct of self-discipline/focus, though the definition of success is somewhat variable.
You can easily attract others by faking success, but only in the short term.
Relationships have a longer lasting success when all involved are self-disciplined in a healthy way.
Relationships often fail when there is a mismatch between expectations of success and ability to succeed.
The shitty thing is, sometimes the expectation is outside the realm of possibility and it's nobody's fault.
But blame will be placed regardless because things "could have" gone differently.
Ultimately, if you don't effectively communicate expectations and you aren't honest about the inevitability of failure, it's over before it started.
- Aug 21, 2015
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True. People who have their lives together and are happy, confident, focused, and achieving goals are more attractive, whether that means they are focusing on "themselves" or not. (For many, being this happy and focused comes with acts of selflessness.) People who aren't 'desperate' are more attractive. This is true in my personal experience, and I've seen this happen over and over with friends. Most of the long-term, happy couples I know say they found each other only after they stopped looking and decided to focus on living great lives while single.
In relationships, there has to be balance. Every relationship's balance is different, but relationships become unhealthy if people are too selfish, or if one or both of the partners are mentally/emotionally unhealthy.
In relationships, there has to be balance. Every relationship's balance is different, but relationships become unhealthy if people are too selfish, or if one or both of the partners are mentally/emotionally unhealthy.
Yes. Good relationships are built and grown.
For example in romantic relationships many folks say its "50/50", in my opinion it should be 100% investment. However, some times we are only available 60/40, 70/30, or perhaps 90/10. It is at these times that being healthy and fit in mind as well as body and spirit it can carry us through these tougher times
. Investment, of time, money, support, etc. is most important in any relationship. When we stop investing in the relationship it's our own responsibility if it disolves. The flip-side is also true, if we keep investing in the relationship and the other party doesn't it's liable to disolve as well.
True in many cases, I think. I suspect that what first and foremost causes sexual attraction when pursuing someone "self centered" is anxiety (in various degrees). It's a way to work through an underlying fear of not being interesting/worthy enough to be prioritized above someone's "selfish-outside-of-the-relationship-needs". Like a mother who was outwardly loving, but you knew that while she was comforting you, she was thinking about work or gardening - waiting for you to say "I'm fine now", so she could get to it. Or the father who always spoke of the true values in life, but repeatably demonstrated they were just words every time the family needed him, and instead he went hunting or took extra hours at work.
Trauma often get sexualized, and for some it's used as a defense or a way to cope with/work through guilt, shame and fear.
I think that a lot of people are put off sexually by people who set aside their own personal interests to give them attention/love, or has other people's wellbeing as their primary interest, because they get no self approval from this "free of charge love".
Being nonchalant about one's own life, wants and needs can be a sign of mental illness. But I think the opposite - being overly concerned with own wants and needs outside relationships, is a more forgiving unhealthiness when it comes to attraction, because it provides others with a challenge to either prove the selfs potential worth or confirm the underlying beliefs of being unworthy of love.
Trauma often get sexualized, and for some it's used as a defense or a way to cope with/work through guilt, shame and fear.
I think that a lot of people are put off sexually by people who set aside their own personal interests to give them attention/love, or has other people's wellbeing as their primary interest, because they get no self approval from this "free of charge love".
Being nonchalant about one's own life, wants and needs can be a sign of mental illness. But I think the opposite - being overly concerned with own wants and needs outside relationships, is a more forgiving unhealthiness when it comes to attraction, because it provides others with a challenge to either prove the selfs potential worth or confirm the underlying beliefs of being unworthy of love.
I say yes.. 100% And for three easy reasons..
1) When a person sees us smiling, confident, and strong - happy, it leaves them wanting to know more, wanting to know why.. It creates intrigue, an air of mystery. They're wondering what is going so well within us that we smile that way.. It's inviting.. People gauge how much faith they should put in us often by watching how much faith we put in ourselves.. If we know ourselves better than anyone else and we are giving off the vibe that we are worthless, or no good.. then the warning signal is out there like a plume of pungent gas.. an odor people will smell.. Conversely if we walk head high, happy and radiating confidence.. not arrogant and conceited, ( yes, most ppl can tell the difference ) then we say to the masses... "Hey, I'm happy and secure. I believe in myself and thus you can believe in me too.. Think of it this way: The very fact that we show we know our "worth" denotes there is "worth" to be claimed within us..
2) Because people can be sadly insecure in themselves and when they see someone who seems "hard to get" they feel much better about themselves if they can "catch" you.. Like "landing the big job".. so to speak. #trophy wife / husband.
3) Because there will always be people who are sexually attracted to "le thrill of the hunt" ... People who love the psychological game, the dance, involved in the chase phase of love.. I cannot claim that I might not be guilty of this one myself, and I know for sure that many INFJ I know are like this, even when they wish they weren't.. o.o
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I think it's a people thing in general.
Even when very young, I found that when I did my own thing and was OK to be alone-- people seemed drawn to interact.
I noticed it for the first time when I was around 8 years old and had moved to a new apartment complex with my family. I was lonely and missed my old friends. I was desperate for friends. I tried to go out and introduce myself and tag along with the neighbor kids, but I still felt like an outsider. I wasn't fully included. So I went home and sulked a few days and then finally decided to get out my friendship bracelet kit and sit on the balcony and make some cool bracelets to amuse myself because it was nice outside anyway. I was really into it and eventually, the other kids came over and asked what I was doing and if I wanted to play. As I got older, I saw how this extended to romantic partners, too. Not that there is anything wrong with approaching others, but it just depends on the spirit in which one approaches.
Most people are interested in people who can take care of themselves. I think that's natural. We want fit companions and partners. I know when I was single and dating guys who called too much or were needy and clingy creeped me out. It implies that there is too much expectation too early on.
It was always the one who had their own interests and goals and didn't get upset if we didn't spend days in a row together or talk all day that kept me interested. We had more to talk about and offer one another. We spent more quality time. I think that's the key. When you are self sufficient, you can more readily offer yourself to another. It's a genuine exchange instead of just needing something from someone. When you get to a certain level, then you both focus a bit on your shared life.
But I'm talking about there being a balance based on individuals coming to the relationship self sufficient. I'm not talking about one partner being neglectful, distant and uninvested in the relationship.
Even when very young, I found that when I did my own thing and was OK to be alone-- people seemed drawn to interact.
I noticed it for the first time when I was around 8 years old and had moved to a new apartment complex with my family. I was lonely and missed my old friends. I was desperate for friends. I tried to go out and introduce myself and tag along with the neighbor kids, but I still felt like an outsider. I wasn't fully included. So I went home and sulked a few days and then finally decided to get out my friendship bracelet kit and sit on the balcony and make some cool bracelets to amuse myself because it was nice outside anyway. I was really into it and eventually, the other kids came over and asked what I was doing and if I wanted to play. As I got older, I saw how this extended to romantic partners, too. Not that there is anything wrong with approaching others, but it just depends on the spirit in which one approaches.
Most people are interested in people who can take care of themselves. I think that's natural. We want fit companions and partners. I know when I was single and dating guys who called too much or were needy and clingy creeped me out. It implies that there is too much expectation too early on.
It was always the one who had their own interests and goals and didn't get upset if we didn't spend days in a row together or talk all day that kept me interested. We had more to talk about and offer one another. We spent more quality time. I think that's the key. When you are self sufficient, you can more readily offer yourself to another. It's a genuine exchange instead of just needing something from someone. When you get to a certain level, then you both focus a bit on your shared life.
But I'm talking about there being a balance based on individuals coming to the relationship self sufficient. I'm not talking about one partner being neglectful, distant and uninvested in the relationship.
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Not true. It depends on what type you want to attract. If you want __FP E_TJ types to like you then yes. I think Fi is attracted to people who are more independent. On the other hand, I know some Fi types who really look for Fe types that they can boss around. Who knows huh. Better to just be yourself.