Struggling to be single | INFJ Forum

Struggling to be single

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Wineloverr, Aug 25, 2017.

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  1. Wineloverr

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    First post, so don't really know how to structure it or whatever, but here we go.

    Ever since I had my first girlfriend I have not been single for more than like 3-4 months in a row at tops. I have thought about this a lot the last few weeks after me and my previous girlfriend broke up. She was the first one that I really felt that I could be myself with. I believe that for some reason I have very hard coping with being alone and not feeling needed and loved. So I sometimes tend to highlight sides of my personality in order for people to like me and not think I'm weird. Realizing now I sound a bit like a psychopath but it's not really on that level. Do anyone else feel an extreme need for being loved by someone in a romantic way in some way similar to mine? The problem is that I sometimes have a hard time if I'm actually in love or just really alone emotionally.
     
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  2. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    It happens.
    Sure, but I can't let that part of life interfere with the work I've got to do. Men have to become someone great before we can expect someone to greatly love us.
    You don't seem to have definite standards. On what are you unwilling to compromise?
     
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    #2 Pin, Aug 25, 2017
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2017
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  3. Eventhorizon

    Eventhorizon Permanently relocated
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    I think on some level everyone wants to be loved.
    In your case it sounds like you are trying to be something you are not in order to achieve that or at least, think you need to be something you are not. Let's say you achieve being loved by pretending to be something you are not. In this scenario you are never truly loved because that which ends up being loved is not really you anyway.
    Be yourself.
     
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  4. jyrffw54

    jyrffw54 שכינה עוֹלֶה

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    This is going to be the clichè answer, but I find that it still rings true: You need to love and honour all aspects of yourself if you want to find someone to share such a love/bond with.

    When you love yourself, you take care of yourself...physically,mentally,emotionally. When you love yourself in this manner, you are your own best friend no matter what. When you feel complete in yourself like this, your relationships will flourish especially since you will know that the girl you fall for is a *partner* to you, and that you are with her because you *want* to be with *her* not because you *need* someone to keep you company.
     
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  5. t56hg2bv

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    INFJs tend to have a small number of people they connect with but of those people the connect / bond can be very deep. This is because we tend to feel what they are feeling all the time and they start to become part of who we are. There is a fine line between a good relationship and codependency for INFJs. It has to be watched closely and we have to be careful not to over indulge (connecting deeply) in the relationship to the point where we lose our own identity.

    These deep connection can take on an almost addictive nature. We do it so naturally that sometimes we don't even realize it is happening.

    @Serenity had some very good points. Be and take care of yourself. @Pin is right about men being something first - it's a hard truth in this world.
     
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  6. Grey Wolf

    Grey Wolf Airborne all the way!

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    agree 1001%. Been there done that. Not too long ago in fact. It is really addictive I have to agree and I sure as heck did not realize it when it was happening.

    My suggestion would be to focus on what you want to do instead of thinking of these thoughts. I have thought them too. A friend of mine suggested focusing on what I wanted to do instead and it hit me back then that I no longer had any idea of what it was that I actually wanted to do. Wasn't a fun time...but, I started to try new things to try to find myself, find what I wanted to do, and eventually the feeling of being alone and not being loved went away, simply because i was being too busy getting excited of discovering new stuff to do and along the way finding out more about myself. Wasn't an easy journey sure, but a worth it one. Hope this helps.. I know how shitty that stage is..
     
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  7. Lurk

    Lurk [ what ]

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    Huh? Not at all!

    Certainly, at times. If you feel comfortable on your own -- and, if you want a relationship but do not require one, then you may just be normal.

    If you feel lost and depressed alone, big problem.
     
  8. Ensta

    Ensta Newbie

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    Same here!
    Differently from you I never had a boyfriend in my life and I'm 22. I konw it's not normal. I know. As a teenager nobody took a look at me, but now I also get attention so I just cannot explain it. I think I want too much, think too much and that makes me loose opportunities.
    I feel this extreme need for affection. I hug myself when I go to sleep. I think people like us live for love. Sometimes depression gets me very deep and I feel miserable for days. Luckily/unfortunately experience taught me that I have to get up so my life is like a wave. I get down and then I'm up to kick some ass. I just can't take it anymore. I miss stability, balance, harmony, peace, LOVE.
     
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