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Discussion in 'Philosophy and Religion' started by periodictoblerone, Jun 3, 2018.
Do you believe in the concept of soulmates? If yes, what is your definition of this word?
Oh man. That's a toughie. I would have to say maybe. I am undecided. I believe that some people are meant to come into our lives to teach us a lesson, or for us to grow as individuals. Sometimes they are not long-lasting, but they do leave a huge print on us. And personally, I don't believe that there is only one person out there for you out of 7 billion people in the world. I find that hard to believe. My definition of a soulmate is when you meet someone who you "click" instantaneously, or sometimes it can begin slow, but you end up loving the person more than you have ever loved someone before. It's wonderful, it's passionate, it's fun, and you accept them fully in and out--flaws and all. And also the relationship is just breezy. Arguments and fights are easily resolved in an adult manner, you don't stay angry with each other for long. You don't have to pretend to be someone else. You are just you, and your partner loves you for that. Your significant other doesn't force you to change, they just accept you for who you are.
I couldn't give you any definition of the word besides what I make of the compound. But it ties in well with the concept I make of it. In my case, soul is indefineable (for now at least), but mate is a friend. In my opinion, soulmates needn't be romantically involved, although it is often the case. The way that is most commonly used to describe soulmates is that they are two people who are "made for each other". I doubt it, somewhat, since it would mean that there is some grand design which forces them towards each other. Another way to see it would be from the legend/myth/idk that there is someone (or two) in the whole world who is the perfect match for you. This is equally unhelpful, as no matter how small the world becomes, it is still too big to find that one person if they are somewhere you'll never meet. I would say that they are two people who are so compatible to each other that they can battle any obstacle that comes their way, without ever feeling any less for one another. It doesn't mean that there won't be anything that comes between them (the world just doesn't work that way), but they grow with each other, grow stronger. You may ask now how it differs from your run-of-the-mill close or even intimate good relationship. I think you can be compatible without being soulmates. I just don't believe that there is someone for everyone, not in the way that they are ever going to find each other no matter what. The difference is that between soulmates there is going to be a near-instant understanding. They may bond over the same damage, the same job, the same dream. But there is something that will inspire a permanent link, an imprint on the soul, if you prefer. When they meet, and recognise each other, it's like they come alive, like a light being switched on inside of them. The loss of a soulmate will be inconceivable. Once it happens, the reaction is going to be unpredictable, because the pain will be so unimagineable, it's like they died themselves. Not just a piece of their heart is going to be taken, but their whole heart will be gone as well, as if they had no soul left, because they had shared one heart and one soul when they both were together. And then there was none.
I guess I don't believe in soulmates anymore. I did when I was younger. First of all, I don't believe there's any universal force that decides two people belong together, nor any force that makes two people absolutely compatible. I've had relationships that were all wonderful in their own ways, and I don't regret the way I loved these people, even when things went bad. They were the right ones for me at the time, otherwise I wouldn't have entered a relationship. If I thought that there's one true soulmate for me somewhere, I feel that I'd be lying to myself about the significance of my past. There are good reasons why they're the past, but if I denied the happy times, I would also be denying their influence on who I am today. I would be denying a big part of what's the best in me. And if I do that, I wouldn't be able to be my best for someone else. Also, if I thought there's a soulmate for me, I would place too much pressure on whoever I want to be with. We're all flawed people and I can't expect to go through life without any conflicts. And if I'm willing to accept that everyone has their own quirks and things that might be difficult to understand, then I can hardly believe that there's just one or two people who are compatible with me. Maybe I see relationships to be more about acceptance than some inherent compatibility that's perfect from the start, and if both are willing to consciously develop their capability to love and accept each other, then we can get to a situation in which the partner eventually feels like a soulmate, even though initially we were just two strangers who had some attraction and common ways of seeing life. I have had that experience of finding someone special, things suddenly clicking really well in a way that hasn't happened with anyone else. But even in that case building the relationship took time and there were many things to figure out, many things that were difficult to accept. And then it ended. The fact that I've learned to accept some things that were really hard might make me a better match for someone else in the future. Would she be a soulmate then, if that acceptance was developed in a previous relationship and wasn't a part of my personality before that? I think it's just life.
@JennyDaniella and @Ginny wow..! yes, I'm absolutely agree with your view of the "soulmates".... maybe this is the concept of the best possible relationships between human beings. again, not necessary romantic ones, but still. mutual understanding is the foundation of these relationships, and I think that's what people need most when they communicate with each other - mutual understanding. it's so painful for people when others don't understand them, don't accept them. I even heard that there's a psychological technique - if you want to make somebody feel uncomfortable, don't agree with their words. don't accept their ideas. show them that you don't understand their point of view and even think that it's stupid. that's highly manipulative technique... but again, this reveals the issue which I was talking about. thank you for answering!!
I was reading several articles on the subject recently about the differences between "soul mates" and "twin flames". Like Jenny said, soul mates can be more than one person that show up in your life to teach you a lesson and are generally people that you connect instantly. However, they're sometimes not lasting relationships and you don't necessarily have to be in a romantic relationship with them either. They can be friends, family members, and yes, even lovers. But they're not the one. Then there are "twin flames". These are the "once-in-a-life-time" relationships that you often imagine from romantic, cheesy films. However, these are anything but peaceful and agreeable. They're there to challenge you as a person, and to grow together. You're both set on a similar spiritual path and with similar challenges that need to be dealt with. Think of the movie "What Dreams May Come" with Robin Williams. That is the perfect example of a twin flame relationship. Do I personally believe in these concepts? From a logical standpoint, I really don't. However, I'd be lying if deep down there's not a part of me that doesn't wish they were true. Unfortunately, I haven't really experienced neither of them in my 30 years of life, so it's difficult to remain optimistic that it's something I will ever find. I've witnessed people that claim to have found their "soul mate" or "twin flame" but later end up hating each other's guts. So who knows, these concepts sound too good to be true and are better left for fantasy.
I think I believe in soul timing more than soul mating. I think there are people who you will definitely gel with more easily, and within that small subset of people there are even fewer who you will encounter at the right time and in the right circumstance to form a sort of soul bond. To that end, I think perhaps I believe in soul binding. I am a believer in myself having a soul, though the specific definition of what a soul is is another discussion altogether. And as such I can generally infer that others have souls, and there is a sort of sexy overlapping/melding that can occur between two individuals. It can occur at the level of friendship, and can be enhanced by introducing sexual pleasure. Or you know, it can be totally annihilated hahaha.
@Fidicen you're right. if you believe in the idea that there's somebody (!) in the world who's made specially for you, it will end with a disappointment. we all around here are complete personalities, and, quoting one phrase I read earlier, "we are socks, and you alone are just a sock, completed and cool at your own, and soulmates are just pair of socks that match with each other" thank you!
I guess I am young to believe such a coincidence is possible. Or is it that wise people become cynical? The concept by itself is rather idealistic, but I don't think there is anything wrong with ideals, so long as you don't get fixated on them. You'll reap only disappointment and suffering, perhaps ultimately believing that the universe owes you. I think we have established on the forum that the word "owe" is unwise to use when talking about interpersonal relations. Like the universe would do anything just for one person! Comprehend it first, before you anthropomorphise it, person! Coincidence is the driving force within the universe (from a limited point of view), and it knows neither good or bad. It's merely systems within systems in God knows how many layers, which form the clockwork of the universe. Hope I haven't derailed this now.
Until my last relationship I was always careful to pair my socks after laundry. She was the type who'd wear socks of different colour every day. So I learned to relax a little. I still don't mix different colours, but if two socks are approximately the same colour and length, it doesn't matter if they're not an exact match if I'm unable to find the pairs, particularly since most of my socks are black and difficult to tell apart anyway. Life is too short for perfectionism in these matters. But of course we still have to take care not to accept a wool sock when we have a sock meant for running.
@AUM the concept of "twin flames" makes me even more anxious than "soulmates" ;;;; because, as you said, logically it's all only a fantasy lots of people believe in. and uh, yes, sometimes it may make your life a bit sweeter, but if you fall too hard into these fantasies, it will be so painful to return to reality @Wyote it may be truly a gift from the universe if you find right person in right time and your living paths will match with each other... it's fantastic and sad at the same time, because, according to probability theory, chance to find THAT person tends to [1/inf] (it's zero haha)
And yet! Many people find love.
@Ginny your word made me less sad your words about "not becoming too fixated" are so, so true! some things are good only in small quantities ^^ thank you!!
XXXVIII I keep failing to find love which doesn’t make sense ‘cause I investigate broad segments of the population so broad indeed that it sometimes includes rather quaint-looking individuals
Is there mathematical proof for it? It'd interest me, since logically I'd still assume there can be such a thing, even if it's only once in a generation or so. I know the role, but I still had to look up Sylar's name
Wise people aren't cynical. I don't know whether it's wiser to believe or not to believe in soulmates. When I was young and still believed in them, I probably thought that it's cynicism not to believe. Now I don't think that way. I've managed to lose this particular belief and yet maintain an image of myself as a romantic. It's just that now I think it's more romantic to believe that I am responsible for my feelings, that I can change my attitudes, that I can learn to accept someone instead of expecting the universe to give me someone already acceptable and waiting for my heart to go wherever it wants. We can't control everything, but every day we can try to choose to be happy and more loving.
In terms of a soulmate, I do not think there is one perfect person out there for everyone. I do, however, believe in the idea of true love, in the sense that it is possible to love another person beyond measure, and to be willing to invest your whole self in that relationship. It doesn't have to be a single person your whole life. You can truly love and form strong connections with many people throughout your life.