Some help with trust

[Kathy]

Is it possible to learn more about a person and start wondering whether you can trust them or not (not considering past experiences that affect trust issues)?

Say at the beginning of a relationship, someone is worry free. But as time went on, they grew increasingly insecure even if their partner didn't do anything essentially wrong that would break the trust.

The more I type this out the more is seems like a really simple question.. but I would like to ask anyway.

 

[ElizabethRose]

No! It's not a simple question at all. I go through the same thing with some of my closest relationships. In fact, I'd say it happens more there than with people I'm not quite as close to. And it seems to happen with or without them doing anything to misplace my trust so it's definitely possible. I've thought about it a lot because it bothers me that I could feel that way about people I 'should' by most standards trust whole heartedly and I've come to the personal conclusion that I am afraid of getting emotionally hurt. And the longer relationships continue the more hurt I would be if they ended. Because I know this I try to distance or remind myself that I can't let myself be lulled into safety only to get hurt. And even if I don't know it it's very likely that everyone I've ever known has done SOMETHING to betray my trust even if it's only a white lie! I don't know if you can relate to this at all but I hope it was helpful. If you find this true for you, so far the only thing that helps is to realize I'll be okay if I get a little hurt and having more confidence in my ability to cope. If it isn't true for you, I wish you luck!

 

[Gaze]

As INFJs, you have Ni on your side. This means, not that you shouldn't trust your friends, but you could be picking up on new things about friends you never noticed. Remember, when we first meet people, we tend to be open. We're simply focusing on the idea that we found someone we like and can relate to. We are not thinking critically when we first develop a friendship. However, as time goes by, we learn more about people, see them more completely, their good qualities and flaws, and start to notice things about them we never recognized before. Whether it is realizing a friend is not as perfect as they seemed initially and deciding whether we can live with those imperfections or realizing that someone is not as reliable or trustworthy as initially believed. People's commitments changed. The question is, what are you fearful of? Is that you think this person is no longer trustworthy, or were never completely trustworthy but you find that you are just now noticing it? Either way, people change and friendships evolve. Some things are not permanent. It's a part of life that our experiences with people evolve over a period of time. It can be difficult to accept that there is change. Sometimes, our desire to have consistency and certainty makes it easy for us to overlook or ignore when things are changing or not been the same.

 

[Erlian]

Yes, certainly possible.