So i'm asking this girl out... | INFJ Forum

So i'm asking this girl out...

Sparkz

Sparkz

Regular Poster
Dec 4, 2009
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This is probably a wee bit lame sounding, but this isn't/b/ so i'll probably get nice advice lol

I'm going to ask this girl out soon and I'm just seeing if anybody has any sound words of advice or encouragement (i'm the kind of person who gets very nervous doing these things and usually avoids doing out of fear[which explains why i've been mostly relationshipless {save one occasion} my whole life])

So, any advice or just kind words to help my courage. If it helps any she's an INFP.
 
Don't listen to Shai, I did and all I got was a restraining order and kicked out of school.

Now, onto the seriousness of the matter. Simply be yourself, that is who she will won't to date not some person you created in your mind to impress her.
 
Sparkz said:
This is probably a wee bit lame sounding, but this isn't/b/ so i'll probably get nice advice lol

I'm going to ask this girl out soon and I'm just seeing if anybody has any sound words of advice or encouragement (i'm the kind of person who gets very nervous doing these things and usually avoids doing out of fear[which explains why i've been mostly relationshipless {save one occasion} my whole life])

So, any advice or just kind words to help my courage. If it helps any she's an INFP.
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Maybe providing a bit more background information (regarding the nature of your relationship) will garner better responses?
 
Okay, so i've known her now for about 3 weeks. I've known her before because of fencing, but we went on this school retreat together and I saw her just sitting down by herself during this time when everybody was socializing . I went over to her and asked what was up and she told me she has a little bit of a social anxiety. So being an ENFJ I just told her she can hang with me as a lost puppy of sorts with me and I would introduce her.

We have been hanging out since then. Sometimes with friends and sometimes just alone with each other. She's always "eager" (for lack of a better word) whenever I ask her if she wants to hang out.

I mean she hasn't really minded physical contact from me (i've given her a back massage, picked leaves out of her hair, hugs)

I don't think i've been friend zoned yet and I think I have good odds (doing the mythbuster way:75% yes, 5% epic yes, 15%no, 5% no, slapped and something randomly catches fire) I'm just kind of a nervous person

So that's the basics, if I think of anything else I'll post it
 
Seems to me like she's possibly digging you. I'd agree with Barnabas in that behaving authentic during the ordeal might work best. :mhula:

How are you planning on asking her?
 
....I have no fucking idea.... just getting her alone and telling her I like her, etc. was my plan

any better advice perhaps?
 
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tell her that you are attracted to her, and you find her irresistable. You want to spend even more time with her, as her boyfriend.
 
Sparkz said:
....I have no fucking idea.... just getting her alone and telling her I like her, etc. was my plan

any better advice perhaps?
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There is absolutely no easy/right way to ask. Just do it, and if you're feeling nervous about it, use that do your advantage. Do it in a goofy way that you know will make her laugh, but so that she also knows that you're serious.

Do it, and get it over with. No sense beating yourself up, and possibly missing out. Yeah, that's cliche of me to say, but it's the truth. Time to pony up!
 
hmm.. how about just ask her out? like literally haha something along the lines of something like "hey, would you like to hang out sometime?"

that way in way both of you can decide on what to do that would be fun for the both of you.

I'm no expert on this haha this is just my 2 cents worth
 
mf said:
There is absolutely no easy/right way to ask. Just do it, and if you're feeling nervous about it, use that do your advantage. Do it in a goofy way that you know will make her laugh, but so that she also knows that you're serious.

Do it, and get it over with. No sense beating yourself up, and possibly missing out. Yeah, that's cliche of me to say, but it's the truth. Time to pony up!
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That's it in a nutshell.
 
Ask her out, but just do it naturally. Like to ice cream after school or something. Another thing, try to be the initiator and take the lead. For example saying "I am going to get ice cream after school. you should come." There is less pressure on her that way.

None of this "hey do you want to go out with me?" stuff. That becomes awkward and unnatural and makes you more nervous than is necessary. Just do it in a friendly sort of way, like you are just asking a friend to an activity with you like the above. At the same time, you don't have to just do one activity either, but just kind of do things you both like to do. But be natural/be yourself about it.
 
Good sound advice Jack, i've been doing that

I guess I kind of titled this wrong in retrospect though, because its not that asking her to hangout or go out thing that is troubling me, its the telling her I as Shai Gar said, "you are attracted to her, and you find her irresistable. You want to spend even more time with her, as her boyfriend." parts that I have trouble with.

Any advice for that?
 
I actually would suggest the same sort of approach. just maybe start being a little more exclusive, and invite her to places that are a little more romantic, start talking to her about more personal and meaningful things that build emotional intimacy so that you both feel "close". When it comes to things like holding her hand, or something, she sounds like she is already comfortable with you. That's good, you can probably just take her hand to lead her somewhere, and just conveniently forget to let it go. Or do the Yawn/stretch to put your arm around her, and give her a silly grin because its so obvious. The point is look for a sort of smooth transition that will make her aware of your intentions but not create that big awkward moment. If she really digs you, it might not matter, but it will still be much easier on both of you that way. Or another idea perhaps for some point, take her out to a nice restaurant with music and slow dancing, then at some point, if things are going well, ask her to dance. Then as you two are out on the floor moving along with the music, give her a romantic compliment like look at her deeply and say "you have beautiful eyes". I know you might want to say more, but if you say it right, she can read into that everything. But I digress, my overall point is the principle, not any specific thing that needs to happen. (one thing you don't want to do though is give her a BS compliment like if she is constantly stepping on your feet and you say she is a great dancer) The real defining moment can sometimes funny and almost slip by unnoticed, or it can be deeply romantic, but just don't allow it to be so blunted that it spoils the magic.
 
hey Sparkz any updates? haha
 
actually yes...this is a looooong story, but an oddly wonderful one

so on the 23rd I did tell her I like her in my typical awkward and as she put it adorable manner of just saying.... "___, I like you."

Then she said, "I know, um look anything that's gonna come out of mouth right now isn't gonna make any sense, so lemme think about it." We both were being awkward (this all happened after watching Dark Knight with her and eating girl scout cookies)

So saturday rolls along and we meet up to go out and eat for lunch, hit up a used bookstore just to look around and then we go walk around the park. In the park she starts acting this way where she says she wants to say something so we sit down and then she says, "This is gonna be the most awkward rejection you've ever gotten."

So 2 hours pass by and after lots of talking and figuring things out this is what we discovered.
-she liked when i put my arm around her, she likes having just me and her time, she likes me crushing on her and making her special, she thinks i would make a perfect boyfriend
-but she is asexual as she puts it and just doesn't have hormones and she doesn't like the pressure of dating
-so i'm still crushing on her and she doesn't mind it (she actually likes it), she still wants to do just me and her time, but we aren't dating, this is no pressure, no expectations, see where it goes...i told her though that if people think were dating its her fault
-my friends were like WTF? okay...whatever and NV thinks says were practically dating
-her friends think were both out of touch with reality and thinks she's immoral and morality is a social convention and she's a poet so it's all good
-though she said that if get a crush on someone else to go for it, though I REALLY not going to because i'm still crushing on her and knowing that she doesn't mind makes it all the better

SO LONG STORY SHORT: she knows that i'm crushing on her, but were keeping the same friendship dynamic we have and are going to see where it takes us

....so pseudo-para-dating?.....ehh fuck it, no way to categorize this....except for that i'm happy with it:mhula:
 
Well congratulations, alot of people don't even get happy.
 
Sparkz said:
actually yes...this is a looooong story, but an oddly wonderful one

so on the 23rd I did tell her I like her in my typical awkward and as she put it adorable manner of just saying.... "___, I like you."

Then she said, "I know, um look anything that's gonna come out of mouth right now isn't gonna make any sense, so lemme think about it." We both were being awkward (this all happened after watching Dark Knight with her and eating girl scout cookies)

So saturday rolls along and we meet up to go out and eat for lunch, hit up a used bookstore just to look around and then we go walk around the park. In the park she starts acting this way where she says she wants to say something so we sit down and then she says, "This is gonna be the most awkward rejection you've ever gotten."

So 2 hours pass by and after lots of talking and figuring things out this is what we discovered.
-she liked when i put my arm around her, she likes having just me and her time, she likes me crushing on her and making her special, she thinks i would make a perfect boyfriend
-but she is asexual as she puts it and just doesn't have hormones and she doesn't like the pressure of dating
-so i'm still crushing on her and she doesn't mind it (she actually likes it), she still wants to do just me and her time, but we aren't dating, this is no pressure, no expectations, see where it goes...i told her though that if people think were dating its her fault
-my friends were like WTF? okay...whatever and NV thinks says were practically dating
-her friends think were both out of touch with reality and thinks she's immoral and morality is a social convention and she's a poet so it's all good
-though she said that if get a crush on someone else to go for it, though I REALLY not going to because i'm still crushing on her and knowing that she doesn't mind makes it all the better

SO LONG STORY SHORT: she knows that i'm crushing on her, but were keeping the same friendship dynamic we have and are going to see where it takes us

....so pseudo-para-dating?.....ehh fuck it, no way to categorize this....except for that i'm happy with it:mhula:
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HAHAHAHA son of a gun.. I'm not laughing at you btw. it just sounds too familiar to me. i just had something along this line myself HAHA

except the ending isnt so nice, and shes not asexual lol.
 
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