Single Fathers? | INFJ Forum

Single Fathers?

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jimtaylor

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May 19, 2010
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What are your thoughts about a single man willingly choosing to be a father, either through adoption or surrogacy? I have been thinking about it lately and before anybody jumps the gun, it’s not anything I am planning on doing soon. It is just an idea I am open to down the road if things don’t work out from a relationship standpoint. Like 10 to 15 years down the road.

Nothing against women, they are great, I love them and I am far too young to be hopeless about finding the right girl, it’s just a thought. I really would like to be a dad someday when I am more mature and stable and I am starting to realize that I don’t really need a spouse to make that happen if it comes to it. I know it is not the norm but I actually see some positives to it, if the circumstances are good.
 
I know a guy who started off mentoring different kids when he was in his twenties. He had an assortment come into his life and in his thirties a situation presented itself and he ended up adopting one. It’s a heart-warming story and something that I’m grateful to have witnessed. They are exactly what the other needed, but there is still room in their lives for more. I suspect they’ll end up marrying someone and she’ll have kids of her own, or they will end up adopting more.

Anyway, I’m a big advocate of following your heart and letting life happen. And I’m not anti surrogacy, but I do lean in favor of adoption because there are so many unwanted kids out there. It can be a really good thing.
 
Wildfire said:
Have you seen the movie Martian Child? It's a good movie and relevant to the topic.
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I have not. I will have to look it up.
 
Why not? In any case, choosing to be single parent is a big decision. I don't think it's the same as parenting with a partner. I have thought about being a single mom and don't think it's always necessary to have a partner to make parenthood a reality. I am not a fan of surrogacy. Prefer adoption. If you feel confident that you can give a child what they need, and you're ready for that responsibility later on, then go for it. For any single parent, it will still be important to have a support system, whether family or friends who will be a reliable network. It's tougher to be a single parent so there are challenges I think which come with going it alone that are a little different than parenting with a partner. I think that's why it helps to have a good support system, especially other parents who may be able to give advice or assistance. In today's world, I think it's a good idea for any parent to take parenting or family classes, maybe some courses in child psychology and development stages, and communication development so that parents can feel more knowledgeable about what to expect before they become parents. I don't think it's necessary to have this knowledge to be a good parent. However, I think it helps parents have more understanding about a child's development since sometimes parents parent from an adult perspective, rather than parent with a consideration of a child's needs or wants at their level. In any case, I guess no one can truly know for anyone else what it's like to take on the responsibility until it happens. Each person experiences it in their own way. Best of luck to you. I think if you choose to be a single dad, you would be a good one :)
 
As a parent of two, I think I would have a hard time doing it on my own. It's not that I couldn't, but modern life is hectic and places many demands that can make family life difficult. I really think that a two parent home is better, and even having some extended family around too is better yet(depending on how healthy your family is). Having two people makes things more flexible, like having two people that can take turns calling in sick when the child is ill, or taking turns staying up with the baby at night, and that sort of thing.

If you have a stable job with consistent hours, then it may be more doable. I'm stuck on shift work, and that makes family life difficult enough as it is, I couldn't imagine having to do shift work while having kids and being single. Just some thoughts for you, otherwise, if you think you can do it, then go for it. I always wanted to be father myself and am glad I am. It is very demanding and stressful much of the time, BUT it is more rewarding than words can say.
 
I think it’s a great thought...but I agree with Jimmers that you need to have a lot of resources available to you if you don’t wish to struggle.
Although my Son doesn’t live with me full time I still understand what it takes.
If that is what you really want you should prepare your life for that and just go for it.

I have never regretted becoming a Father to my son...he was two when we met, but is now 10 and a half.
He has brought me more joy and happiness than almost anything in this life...even though his Mom and I went through a difficult and stressful marriage....I would go through it all again and again if I had that choice just to be able to be his “Papa”.





Edit: - Even when you think you are ready, you are never really ready....lol.
 
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The advice in this thread is great!

As a child to a single parent (mother), I can tell you that NOTHING in my life I would change. My mom had it hard, and it was a lot of work - but parenting with someone else can be equally as difficult.

From the perspective of a child- if your parent loves you, it doesn't matter if you have one, two, or a billion! :)
 
Its a tough job because someone needs to look after the child while you're at work.

If you have the resources to give the child lots of your time (first 3 years are particularly important) then why not?
 
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[MENTION=2710]jimtaylor[/MENTION]

Get a dog. They're less expensive and they don't talk back.
 
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Skarekrow said:
I think it’s a great thought...but I agree with Jimmers that you need to have a lot of resources available to you if you don’t wish to struggle.
Although my Son doesn’t live with me full time I still understand what it takes.
If that is what you really want you should prepare your life for that and just go for it.

I have never regretted becoming a Father to my son...he was two when we met, but is now 10 and a half.
He has brought me more joy and happiness than almost anything in this life...even though his Mom and I went through a difficult and stressful marriage....I would go through it all again and again if I had that choice just to be able to be his “Papa”.





Edit: - Even when you think you are ready, you are never really ready....lol.
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I understand that completely which is why right now at 23, this is a hell no but down the road, you never know. The career path I have chosen is pretty consistent in the hours. It requires a lot right now but in 10 to 15 years I may have more stability and time to consider this. Ideally, I would have a spouse and call me old school but I would like only one of us to work in that case. Both of my parents (Divorced) worked a lot so I didn't grow up with parents. They provided a ton financially which I am grateful for but I have only been able to have a relationship with them now as an adult by working with them. They have always been career focused and so I very much understand the need for an actual personal connection because I don't really have one with my parents. My siblings raised me and I raised myself which is nothing I am going to complain about but there is something in missing that parental connection.
 
jimtaylor said:
It would be good practice. If I fail to take care of a puppy, I should not be a father. ^_^
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I would agree. Especially since one can't compare to the other ;)

From what I can tell, I think you would be a very good father. But being a single parent is a hard job. Hell, it's hard even with two people sharing the responsibilities!

I have a lot of respect for single parents but it is not something that I would ever personally choose for myself. It's a 24/7 job on top of whatever else you have going on. And a lot of money helps but no matter how much you have, you will always feel broke. They suck you dry.

If I didn't marry, I would never have had kids. I get how stressful life already is without adding to it; and without a partner to lighten the load? No way.

Anyhow, that's just my thoughts on it. But you have plenty of time to think about this, Jim! You are still a baby yourself! 23, lol.
 
jimtaylor said:
I understand that completely which is why right now at 23, this is a hell no but down the road, you never know. The career path I have chosen is pretty consistent in the hours. It requires a lot right now but in 10 to 15 years I may have more stability and time to consider this. Ideally, I would have a spouse and call me old school but I would like only one of us to work in that case. Both of my parents (Divorced) worked a lot so I didn't grow up with parents. They provided a ton financially which I am grateful for but I have only been able to have a relationship with them now as an adult by working with them. They have always been career focused and so I very much understand the need for an actual personal connection because I don't really have one with my parents. My siblings raised me and I raised myself which is nothing I am going to complain about but there is something in missing that parental connection.
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Well...that is often the case that kids grow up gleaning the good aspects of their childhood and trying to give THEIR kids what was lacking in their own lives.
I’m sure but the time you get a child...everything will be good.
Although, you can prepare yourself monetarily, mentally, and in every other way you think you can...like I said...it is still going to have moments that catch you off guard...but that is just the small price you pay for having a child.
In my opinion...they really do enlighten you life in ways you never could have dreamed.
 
If you can do it, then awesome for you! If you're happy, a good dad, and your kids are happy then who cares what other people think about it?

Best of luck to you with this :)
 
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