self loathing | INFJ Forum

self loathing

Discussion in 'The INFJ Typology' started by myself, Oct 16, 2010.

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  1. myself

    myself Permanent Fixture

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    seriously... wtf

    is it the perfectionist in me?

    i can barely stand myself
     
  2. SamE

    SamE Community Member

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    Personally I would say its an under active thyroid or an endocrine disruption. But then I would say that to most things. hahaha.
     
  3. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
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    interesting...I feel this quite often and have an underactive thyroid...its being treated, but I wonder how well?
     
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  4. laurie

    laurie Snowblind in Dreamland

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    I had that when I was younger. Usually, you grow out of it after you realise that nothing and no one is perfect and you resign yourself. It's not defeat, but acceptance.

    Seriously, you'll be fine. All it takes is a lot of time and a little hope. :)
     
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  5. Gaze

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    not alone. :)
     
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  6. OP
    myself

    myself Permanent Fixture

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    seems in recent years i have only gained a heightened sense of how ridiculous i am

    it also extends to my view of everyone else

    i'm more forgiving of others though... because they aren't me and i know better, apparently

    there was a time, when i remember just happily existing

    i think they call it the age of innocence

    my memory of that time is somewhat dim, but i have held on to enough of it to recognize the difference between then and now

    am i supposed to grow up and out of this, or is it my inner kid fighting for space in my life?

    i liked that kid... the old ben, the youngest one i can recall. here i am, 20 years later. couldnt i be happier?

    something inside me just wont settle for the way things are... the way we all are

    *

    interesting idea SamE

    never considered an under active thyroid

    my self criticism is extremely harsh.

    i dont talk much anymore.

    i've stopped writing as well.

    i dont sing, i dont take pictures, i dont make movies.

    i dont play guitar or open up for anyone but those closest to me.

    is any of this healthy?

    it can't be. it's as if i'm already dead.

    all i can think to do now is exercise more, quit smoking cigs, be kind to my body,

    i have the strongest impulse to delete this right now
     
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  7. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    Aah, self-loathing.

    The thing about self-loathing is that it's not beneficial at ALL. Burdening yourself with guilt and harsh, hyperbolic criticism won't get you anywhere near self-growth; which was the actual solution of the fault itself.

    Being a perfectionist isn't something wrong, IMO. You just have to know where to draw the line. And knowing your flaws so that you can grow again. And that having flaws is okay. In short; like anything else, when it starts hurting your life, it becomes bad.

    Yet indeed self-loathing is something that hits us every now and then, and for that *hugs* I wish it will go away soon.
     
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  8. Jill Hives

    Jill Hives fhtagn
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    Can I ever relate to this... I've been in a huge funk for the last few years that sounds almost exactly like this. My inspiration for art has gone almost entirely, playing my guitar feels forced and unnatural, singing the same. I never play in front of anyone because I am too scared. I feel like all I do is hide in my room. The only person who knows me at all in the slightest in my life right now is my husband, and I am so thankful to have him, but he is on the other side of the country right now. I know logically that the self hatred is really a self defeating sort of thing to be feeling, and often that just makes me feel worse knowing that I am screwing myself over by constantly hating on myself.

    It doesn't help that I am sort of in a rut right now in my life, which I think is the biggest cause of this. There is not much I can do to actively move forward at the moment except just wait, and I hate that I have no control over this. I keep telling myself that I could be doing so much more right now to at least better myself in some way, exercise more, read more on my topics of interest to gain more knowledge, try to find my inspiration for art again and hone my skills there....always being aware of what you could be doing to make things better and realizing that you haven't been for so long makes it easy to be hard on yourself. But it is true that the only way to get past this hump is to just force yourself to do things that make baby steps forward in any of those areas you value.

    I've been trying to do the baby steps toward self improvement and it's been working, I can see positive changes already. I went vegetarian and have been making myself get out of my "cave" and go on walks more often. Sometimes I will bring a bag with me and pick up litter as I am walking around and that makes me feel like I am at least doing something small to make life more beautiful around me. I find just being out in nature and letting the natural beauty of the world soak into my brain helps tremendously. I still feel remnants of that intense despair, but all that will keep me from fixing things is a weak will. Which I can choose or not choose to have. I think that is my biggest motivator right now, I want to prove myself wrong about myself. When you aren't set in a certain mindset that you are deserving of happiness it can be hard to force yourself to accept it, but after a while of doing it, even though it feels unnatural at first, it becomes easier.

    This is a constant struggle of mine, and I fall back into negativity all the time. As long as you keep trying to get yourself back out, that is what ultimately matters. Eventually you'll get better at doing it, as long as you keep trying.

    :hug:
     
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  9. Matariki

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    I don't think self loathing is only an INFJ problem (or INFP problem)...

    I'm definitely a self loather. My standards are way to high for myself and I fail to reach them. Its either do or don't, there is no try in my book of self standards.
    When I draw I have to hide my work until I can say in my own mind that its finished. I won't let my tutors see my work because I am already aware of the mistakes.
    I'm not as bad as before though, lol, I used to be so picky with myself I remember after a life drawing session I would throw my work in the bin, my tutor (ENFJ) would dive head first trying to obtain them. The way how I see it now is "you don't need to be great to start, but you need to start to be great." I have to keep reminding myself on a regular basis.
     
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  10. Saru Inc

    Saru Inc Schrödinger's Pussy
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    I don't think anyone here can answer this, other than you. We'd be making just as big as a guess as your local grocery clerk. I don't say this to discourage you, but as clich
     
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  11. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    I'm with SamE, wouldn't underestimate how much your physical health can affect the way you feel about yourself. Go to a doctor, get a full check up.
     
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