I am an INFJ who has been with an ENFJ for 6 months. He came on strong and loving in the beginning, but recently expressed some doubts about our relationship. He feels like I am all in and he says he's not feeling like I'm the one. He doesn't know whether he is capable of deep love or not, and he has not been in love yet. He dedicated his life to his career and now at mid-life decided to stop working and find a relationship. Prior to us he had girlfriends that were superficial or did not progress.
He doesn't like my financial flightiness (any other INFJs relate to that?) but I make good money and am responsible with no debt. He is excellent at managing his money, much better than I and super frugal.
He also may want kids and I can't have kids. He's known that from the beginning.
He kept his concerns bottled up for fear of hurting me. I was happy but sensed something was off and tried several times to talk with him about it. Once he opened up I felt great emotional distress because he is projecting the worst possible outcome for our relationship and focusing on my faults instead of positives.
Yes, when I hurt I sometimes unconsciously play the victim, but nobody's perfect.
He has been all over the map, proclaiming his love one minute and denying it the next, saying he cares for me. All this drama is really hard for me, I like a peaceful life. However I recognize conflict is healthy and necessary so I'm trying to stay connected.
He also worries about giving me affection, says he doesn't get anything out of it, but does it for me. I find him very affectionate. There's one more issue - intimacy. He has no intimate relations with friends or family other than his mother. Some of my male fiends have tried to befriend him, but he rejects them. He has 2 friends but told me if he never sees them again it wouldn't bother him. He is a child of divorce and he has seen his friends either remain single or have bad marriages. So he is very cautious.
This man is highly intelligent and I find him attractive. He also finds me very attractive. He frequently compliments my appearance. We have a lot of fun together and really enjoy each others company. I find him trustworthy, loyal and he works on the relationship. However I don't know what to do with our relationship now. He sees it very casually and i think that's weird after 6 months of living together. We both want a deep relationship p and he's really trying but he also has his career desires he's thinking about, which require him to work abroad. He feels if he pursues that job again he cannot have a relationship.
So despite all these barriers he has "found", he still wants to try to make things work. He is excited to propose that he move out and we date. I am afraid this man will hurt me more if I stay involved with him. Do you see any hope for us or do you think I should cut my losses? I would love to have a more supportive relationship where the man also dotes on me, but I realize he may need time to get there. I just can't decide if I want to stay in this relationship. I am divorced, which he also sees as a negative, but I felt I learned a lot in that experience. I tend to cut people off when extreme conflict arises, so I'm trying to grow and push through this but I can't help but wonder if I am wasting my time.
Do any INFJs out there find close relationships with ENFJs too drama-filled?
I thought ENFJs crave meaningful relationships, why does this guy only have 1 and he's been okay with that? Is that normal? We are both mid-forties.
How long does it take an ENFJ to fall in love?
Do you think I should give this guy a chance?
Do you think he is just playing/manipulating me?
I love him. He says he "cares for me". I don't think he knows what love is actually and perhaps he loves the butterflies/exciting stage of initial meeting.
He doesn't like my financial flightiness (any other INFJs relate to that?) but I make good money and am responsible with no debt. He is excellent at managing his money, much better than I and super frugal.
He also may want kids and I can't have kids. He's known that from the beginning.
He kept his concerns bottled up for fear of hurting me. I was happy but sensed something was off and tried several times to talk with him about it. Once he opened up I felt great emotional distress because he is projecting the worst possible outcome for our relationship and focusing on my faults instead of positives.
Yes, when I hurt I sometimes unconsciously play the victim, but nobody's perfect.
He has been all over the map, proclaiming his love one minute and denying it the next, saying he cares for me. All this drama is really hard for me, I like a peaceful life. However I recognize conflict is healthy and necessary so I'm trying to stay connected.
He also worries about giving me affection, says he doesn't get anything out of it, but does it for me. I find him very affectionate. There's one more issue - intimacy. He has no intimate relations with friends or family other than his mother. Some of my male fiends have tried to befriend him, but he rejects them. He has 2 friends but told me if he never sees them again it wouldn't bother him. He is a child of divorce and he has seen his friends either remain single or have bad marriages. So he is very cautious.
This man is highly intelligent and I find him attractive. He also finds me very attractive. He frequently compliments my appearance. We have a lot of fun together and really enjoy each others company. I find him trustworthy, loyal and he works on the relationship. However I don't know what to do with our relationship now. He sees it very casually and i think that's weird after 6 months of living together. We both want a deep relationship p and he's really trying but he also has his career desires he's thinking about, which require him to work abroad. He feels if he pursues that job again he cannot have a relationship.
So despite all these barriers he has "found", he still wants to try to make things work. He is excited to propose that he move out and we date. I am afraid this man will hurt me more if I stay involved with him. Do you see any hope for us or do you think I should cut my losses? I would love to have a more supportive relationship where the man also dotes on me, but I realize he may need time to get there. I just can't decide if I want to stay in this relationship. I am divorced, which he also sees as a negative, but I felt I learned a lot in that experience. I tend to cut people off when extreme conflict arises, so I'm trying to grow and push through this but I can't help but wonder if I am wasting my time.
Do any INFJs out there find close relationships with ENFJs too drama-filled?
I thought ENFJs crave meaningful relationships, why does this guy only have 1 and he's been okay with that? Is that normal? We are both mid-forties.
How long does it take an ENFJ to fall in love?
Do you think I should give this guy a chance?
Do you think he is just playing/manipulating me?
I love him. He says he "cares for me". I don't think he knows what love is actually and perhaps he loves the butterflies/exciting stage of initial meeting.
