Second parent dies and luck is now on my side | INFJ Forum

Second parent dies and luck is now on my side

Artemisia

Artemisia

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May 20, 2014
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My mother passed away about three months ago after a nearly 4 year battle with breast cancer. For her last six months, I was her only caregiver, being an only child.
My father passed away in 2012 and since then I had struggled to find academic work and my dating life was a disaster. However, since she passed away, I have received not one but three fellowships and found a boyfriend who adores me!
How could this be? It's like my life had to be on hold until she died and then things started to brighten up as soon as she passed. Does anyone have an explanation for this? It is too complex to be purely coincidental.
 
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I was wondering where you went @Artemisia. Im very sorry to hear about your mom's passing. My condolences.

There is really no tactful way to discuss this.
I too have also been a caregiver for dying loved one, including a parent. Caregivers dedicate so much of their time and energy to their dying loved ones, and watching someone die is so stressful, that there is little time or energy for anything else. As awful as it feels, and despite the grief of the loss, there is a certain weight that lifts after the person passes and that tremendous stress is over. And truthfully, you now have time and energy to put toward other aspects of your life. Also, you must seem different to people now, and people will notice that about you, and be more attracted to you.
 
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Thank you, Asa, you may be right. I actually met my boyfriend a few weeks before mom died and introduced him to her four days before she passed away.
It still doesn't explain the luck with work though, because I got the fellowships abroad where they did not interview me and did not know my situation. She did tell me several months ago that I will be lucky after she dies. I hope so, but I find all of this strange.
 
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Artemisia said:
My mother passed away about three months ago after a nearly 4 year battle with breast cancer. For her last six months, I was her only caregiver, being an only child.
My father passed away in 2012 and since then I had struggled to find academic work and my dating life was a disaster. However, since she passed away, I have received not one but three fellowships and found a boyfriend who adores me!
How could this be? It's like my life had to be on hold until she died and then things started to brighten up as soon as she passed. Does anyone have an explanation for this? It is too complex to be purely coincidental.
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Thoughts are with you.

On a good note, it is good to read that you're heading in a forward direction with life. Often grief can hold us down or give us wings. ...perhaps for you it is wings <3
 
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Artemisia said:
My mother passed away about three months ago after a nearly 4 year battle with breast cancer. For her last six months, I was her only caregiver, being an only child.
My father passed away in 2012 and since then I had struggled to find academic work and my dating life was a disaster. However, since she passed away, I have received not one but three fellowships and found a boyfriend who adores me!
How could this be? It's like my life had to be on hold until she died and then things started to brighten up as soon as she passed. Does anyone have an explanation for this? It is too complex to be purely coincidental.
Click to expand...

In life good and bad things happen. I'm very sorry to hear about your mother's passing, but she's free from all pain now. It's a lot to take in.

It sounds like you have some very positive things to focus on. Life stretches towards light. The best way to remember our parents is to be happy.
 
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Sorry to hear about your parents.
 
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Ever think that maybe your Mom might have helped you after she passed?
I know not everyone believes in that sort of stuff, but it’s just as likely a coincidence.
Plus you have a huge weight lifted off your shoulders being her caregiver...if you are lighter on your feet you probably come off as more happy and confident and those are attractive social cues possibly contributing to both the jobs offers (or you just earned the multiple offers by doing hard work :) ), and the boyfriend....who is also just as likely to have met you randomly as well, but perhaps your emotional state would have changed how that encounter first took place...but maybe not?
It’s totally a big what if that we could never really know.
So sorry for your loss, I hope you are dealing with it alright.
I know how incredibly hard it can be to lose a parent.
<3
 
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Sounds like a humble brag. "I made such a sacrifice taking care of my parents - Look at all my suitors and my jobs" the world truely revolves around you.
 
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the said:
Sounds like a humble brag. "I made such a sacrifice taking care of my parents - Look at all my suitors and my jobs" the world truely revolves around you.
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7595b906a311af46e97096438d2f3604.jpg
 
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the said:
Sounds like a humble brag. "I made such a sacrifice taking care of my parents - Look at all my suitors and my jobs" the world truely revolves around you.
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What a horrible thing to say.
 
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So slating someone who has lost both their parents and is taking a positive slant on their life is grown up?
 
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the said:
Grow up.
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She is a grown up. I think you perhaps don't get on with the op, and you overstepped. I think you're acerbic and funny at times, but this wasn't the right venue.

If you want to disagree or whatever, then let's go to another thread and leave @Artemisia in peace.
 
Artemisia said:
My mother passed away about three months ago after a nearly 4 year battle with breast cancer. For her last six months, I was her only caregiver, being an only child.
My father passed away in 2012 and since then I had struggled to find academic work and my dating life was a disaster. However, since she passed away, I have received not one but three fellowships and found a boyfriend who adores me!
How could this be? It's like my life had to be on hold until she died and then things started to brighten up as soon as she passed. Does anyone have an explanation for this? It is too complex to be purely coincidental.
Click to expand...
Hello Artemisia, its odd, but i too experienced a newfound energy after my father passed away. I loved him and spent a lot of time with him, but our relationship was complex and i worried a lot about him; I found after the initial grief and loss, a huge weight had lifted from my shoulders. I chanelled this new energy into going back to grad school and I continue feeling freer and happier. His death became an odd kind of gift to me as bizarre as that sounds. So I understand your post.
 
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It's hard to put condolences and congratulations in the same sentence. I imagine this is the case for English speakers too.
But it just shows how much of an important period the person your saying this to is going through, even though it's a stranger.

There isn't an exact guide book for this and that's a good thing.
If I were you I wouldn't try to explain things in a way that will make me justify hasty decisions for quick doses of feel good.
Whatever is it that you're going through.. keep a leveled head .. keep thinking about your memories .. even if it's hard .. this is a time for introspection.

And my condolences for your lost. "Loss is change, and change is nature's delight".
Stay stronk :)
 
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