Scoring the girl (how should INFJ males do it?) | INFJ Forum

Scoring the girl (how should INFJ males do it?)

Somasoma

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Dec 8, 2012
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Ok, lets face it. In the world we are living in, an attractive male would be associated with extroverted traits such confidence, boldness and being outspoken. As a result of this 'alpha' male expectation, introverts like us end up finding it more difficult to 'score' the girl we are interested in. I know that there are many conflicting arguments to the typical 'nice guy finishes last' statement and I do not completely agree with it myself. I just want to ask for some advice from you guys (and girls) on how an INFJ should develop his strong functions in order to feel secure about himself(without having to act like someone else) and also use these strengths to pursue his 'romantic interest'.

As an Infj myself, I find myself either attracting the wrong girls(girls that I have no romantic interest in) or getting attracted to someone who is'nt attracted to me (or way out of my league). Perhaps I should work on my strengths an weaknesses, and also have a change of mindset.

Share you thoughts!
 
To Field of Dreams it up, if you build it, they will come. If you want someone to naturally be attracted to you, you must then, logically, be your natural self. You'll always attract people you aren't interested in. It happens to everyone. However, I think it should be apparent that you are attractive because you are attracting people. I have three suggestions
1.) Wait it out and go meet new people. Force yourself to interact with new people. You'll never find someone if you aren't making yourself available.
2.) There is no such thing as leagues, and maybe the reason these women aren't attracted to you is because you don't show the confidence in yourself, such as knowing that they could be. The idea of leagues is insulting.
3.) Calling it 'scoring' probably isn't going to score you many points with the ladies. I know what you mean, but there are less materialistic ways of saying it.
 
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Oh! That kind of scoring.
I thought you were going to ask how to rate a girl. Say on a 1-10 scale.

I honestly never let the lack of a so called macho bravado personality bother me, and I met and dated my fair share of Women.
There is something to be said for being the strong quiet type.
 
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First of all, it is not true that girls don't fall for the nice introverted guy. Boldness or not, the key word is confidence. Not arrogant confidence, but an easy going, flowing relaxed confidence, you know what I mean? It's difficult to be comfortable in your own skin, it takes time, but there are some thoughts that can help. For example, a couple of years ago I was so busy with wanting to be liked by everyone, it's not possible. You are you and people just have to take it or leave it. Most of the time I'm also attracted to people who're (probably) not attracted to me, it's a bummer but I say to myself okey then it just wasn't the right person. Also, try not to actively and consciously think about how other people are perceiving you. Do not worry, let it go and step into the flow of the evening. Not with your head, but with your underbelly (and that sounds pretty weird, but what i mean is that you try to experience the moment with all of your senses, a couple of deep breaths can help). I found that as soon as I stopped worrying about what other people might or might not think of me (you can't make everybody like you, it's just not possible), i was a hell of a lot more relaxed and more guys came up to have a little chat. Most of them weren't 'the one', but I got to know a lot of people and could thereby learn what kind of person I ám looking for. So open up for everybody, do not close off because you're particularly interested in that girl. Have a little chat, be nice, and have a good time!! You'll notice the difference, otherwise you can have your money back :p
I was having a birthday party in my favourite café here in Amsterdam and I had such a wonderful evening, all I was doing was having fun and laugh with my friends and at the end the bartender (i met him 2 hours before) comes up to me and says: "hey! having fun?" I said "yeah it's a great evening!" And he said: "Yeah I can see that, you're glowing". And it was such a nice compliment, and I was so happy because I realised I'd come such a long way to overcome my low self esteem. (And this totally proves my theory haha!)

Long unstructured story short: do not worry about other people, do not worry about your own worth/looks/being good enough and have a nice time!


P.S.:Next time I'll give an awesome answer in just a couple of sentences, just like the guys above :)
 
Shave, bathe, brush your teeth regularly, make yourself presentable and be confident that your worth a person's time.
 
Shave, bathe, brush your teeth regularly, make yourself presentable and be confident that your worth a person's time.


*you're - FTFY. working out doesn't hurt either, though not a necessity.

also, genuinely listen and pay attention to the person in question. It means a lot. (i'm sure you already do.)
 
I agree with most of what has been posted already, but to summarise my thoughts:
People are attracted to happy people - focus on your own happiness, spend time with your friends, but do seek out opportunities to meet new people.

Smile at more people - I started doing this myself, when walking in the street. Nothing flirtatious, I don't think, just generally making small positive and temporary connections with anyone and everyone... I tend to smile with my eyes more than my mouth really! But anyway the outcome is that I've felt happier and a little more confident. It also restores my faith in humanity sometimes. Simple things.

Obviously, trying to lead a healthy lifestyle and maintaining standards of hygiene can't hurt!
 
working out doesn't hurt either, though not a necessity.

Heh. Honestly, there are some women who like a good pillow, as I've found, so it really depends on the kind of girl you're looking for.
 
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Fill your time with things that both excite you and challenge you to grow, and you will find your self-esteem. Put yourself in situations that scare you a little; overcoming personal obstacles will improve your self-efficacy. Find some hobbies that you enjoy that allow you to interact with others and cultivate relationships, then work up to chatting up one new person everyday; this will make you more comfortable in social situations. Take pride in your health and appearance; dress in a way that appeals to your taste and comfort level and you'll get a confidence boost. Practice gratitude and set goals for yourself and achieve them; you will be happier for it. Improve your posture. Smile.

Doing all these things, all day, every day, will not only help bring out the essence of who you are and make you a happier, more fulfilled individual, but I guarantee, the right girl is bound to notice.
 
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First of all, not all women are attracted to the loud, outgoing, spontaneous types that media seems to feed us with (I've read that in some papers, otherwise I wouldn't know it). Quiet doesn't necessarily mean a nice guy. It can mean quite the opposite, indeed. I have another associations with the word "quiet".
Nothing more to add to this really. I think [MENTION=1009]bamf[/MENTION] has said it all.
 
Here is a thread that you may find useful.

Beyond that, the most important thing is to be yourself. You have to introspect until you truly know who you are and then put it all out into the world without apology. Not to get positive feedback (specific responses) from girls that make you feel good about yourself, but simply to be true to you who are. Girls like it when they can't collapse your identity. So just be you.
 
The most important thing is to be yourself. You have to introspect until you truly know who you are and then put it all out into the world without apology. Not to get positive feedback (specific responses) from girls that make you feel good about yourself, but simply to be true to you who are. Girls like it when they can't collapse your identity. So just be you.

To follow up on this advise, learn to like who who are. If you don't there's no way you'll convince anyone to do the same (unless you're looking for an extreme sub/dom relationship).