Romantic rituals or routines | INFJ Forum

Romantic rituals or routines

Gaze

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Saw this topic on another forum, and was curious about responses here.


How important are romantic or generally routine relationships rituals to maintaining or sustaining a relationship? Whether it's observing special dates, or giving gifts, or other established rituals which are a common aspect of being a couple?

What kinds of routines do you follow which you think are necessary to have a lasting relationship?
 
not really at all for me either. it's too much pressure to make anniversaries such a big deal.
 
Well, as soon as you said routine I had a feeling of repulsion. Sure remembering Christmas, birthday and valentines is pretty standard, something that stretches 3 events over a year is no routine, especially if it is not pre-arranged exactly what you must do on these dates.

However, if you expect your partner to come out on a date night ever second Friday of the month no matter what, that's not romance, thats going through the motions and creating an obligation and turning fun to work. If you need to schedule everything else you won't do it, 2 things are occurring: 1. you don't want to do things for the other person anymore and 2. you don't feel like putting effort into your relationship. Essentially: Lack of desire for the other and being lazy.

Ritual is also I word I don't like, as it suggests adhering to a rulebook that is apart from your relationship, doing a dance thats essentially not for your benefit, but for some standard apart from your love. It conjurs images of people dancing around fires beckoning to spirits, wasting their time and energy on some act that has no effect on the relationship when they could be using that time and energy to hold, kiss, love and think up new ways to express their affections to their partner. Like vacuuming.

I value spontaneity, mundane but frequent acts of love as well as putting the effort forth to think beyond a schedule and what others demand you do while in a relationship. A ritual and a routine feels wholly forced and ingenuine. If a person wants to express love for me he'll do it, and if he doesn't then forcing him just puts the relationship on life support till the day comes when all you do is shout at each other, feeling resentful and ignored. However, it is fine to remind a partner (who is not just a waste) that you need some life in your love. If your partner doesn't at least try, then re-evaluate why you are with them, keeping in mind that you must put in the same effort.

I make sure I shower my partner with love and tell him directly and frequently how I feel about him, in detail. If there is a why to it, I say that too. My life has yet to be routine enough to require specified date days and gift days, and thats just how I like it. Giving and receiving is a surprise and can take any shape or form.

Right, thats what I've got so far. I might add more in a later post.
 
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I pee on her to claim her mine; the basic rituals, you know.
 
Uhhh none...I much prefer spontaniety.
 
I like some rituals. For our anniversary we took a mini road trip to the place of our first official date. I liked that. In fact, when I was told it was up to me to decide what we do for the anniversary I came up with the idea to visit the spot. I even wanted to go back and find the tree we were standing under that smelled so nice, and where he said: "I will uproot this tree for you and you will wake up tomorrow and find it planted in your front yard." (I LOLed when he said that...) I kinda like reliving great memories though.

As long as the tradition is meaningful, it's important, but it's not enough to sustain a relationship. It's just a nice little extra to something that's already going well. Adds a lil spark.
(We don't do sweetest day or Valentines day though, because those designated holidays aren't meaningful to us.)
 
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I wouldn't say that rituals are necessary to maintain a long term happy relationship. I do like keeping traditions to a degree, like celebrating anniversaries and holidays together. I am not really concerned with gift giving, but I do like thoughtful gestures and being shown love and appreciation. I guess I can be a bit old fashioned.