Romantic Attraction Turn Offs | INFJ Forum

Romantic Attraction Turn Offs

lightning23

lightning23

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Jun 6, 2012
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I was thinking about the things that turn me off in regards to guys who are interested in me, and the things that turn me off about guys that I had thought I might have interest in. And I realized that they were really backwards from the norm. Do any of you that find that to be true?

Like for me, I find it super unattractive when guys are forward, super flirty, or give too many complements. I don't like it if they're popular, or part of an in crowd that they feel like they need to follow or be a part of, or need to make themselves sound impressive or cool. I don't like people who think they're cool. I don't like it when guys do outrageous acts to show off their sense of humor, or make a show of themselves in general. I don't like people who are over confident. However, I feel like these are the kinds of people with these traits are often found really attractive. Is it just me?
 
i like very extroverted men, because it frees me up to not have to 'be' anything.
my partner is extremely extroverted and i'm happy to play the straight man. it's nice to not have to be anything memorable or outstanding.
i am turned off by guys who talk tough, are overly sports oriented or drink a lot.
i am turned on by intellectual men, strong men, and men who are driven to succeed.
 
lightning23 said:
I was thinking about the things that turn me off in regards to guys who are interested in me, and the things that turn me off about guys that I had thought I might have interest in. And I realized that they were really backwards from the norm. Do any of you that find that to be true?

Like for me, I find it super unattractive when guys are forward, super flirty, or give too many complements. I don't like it if they're popular, or part of an in crowd that they feel like they need to follow or be a part of, or need to make themselves sound impressive or cool. I don't like people who think they're cool. I don't like it when guys do outrageous acts to show off their sense of humor, or make a show of themselves in general. I don't like people who are over confident. However, I feel like these are the kinds of people with these traits are often found really attractive. Is it just me?
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Those sound like my preferences to a T. It depends though for me because it's not about the behaviour itself, but about what the intention reveals about the person: lack of self-esteem or something like that, ironically. It depends more on where the behaviour comes from (if it's just plain arrogance on the surface then that's gross too). "Follower" mentality is a major turnoff for me. So is the "douchebag" mentality. I'm glad that people have calmed down with this kind of stuff since high school for the most part.
 
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lightning23 said:
Like for me, I find it super unattractive when guys are forward, super flirty, or give too many complements. I don't like it if they're popular, or part of an in crowd that they feel like they need to follow or be a part of, or need to make themselves sound impressive or cool. I don't like people who think they're cool. I don't like it when guys do outrageous acts to show off their sense of humor, or make a show of themselves in general. I don't like people who are over confident. However, I feel like these are the kinds of people with these traits are often found really attractive. Is it just me?
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Good list. I dislike it when guys posture or are too arrogant and call it confidence. It looks ridiculous. Or men who try to be too entertaining or overdo humor and don't know when to be serious. Balance is good. It's nice when you don't have sit and listen to continuous string of awkard jokes because they think it's hilarious and don't know when to stop.



JGirl said:
i like very extroverted men, because it frees me up to not have to 'be' anything.
my partner is extremely extroverted and i'm happy to play the straight man. it's nice to not have to be anything memorable or outstanding.
i am turned off by guys who talk tough, are overly sports oriented or drink a lot.
i am turned on by intellectual men, strong men, and men who are driven to succeed.
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That's me in bold. I definitely prefer someone who is more extroverted than me. Yeah, tough talking, macho or self importance is irritating.
 
I'm turned off by men that are overly into sports or drink a lot of beer -- all the time. I just imagine beer guts later I can't help it. Occasional beer drinking is fine, but all the time eh IDK. Drinking all the time is a deal breaker. Bitterness is a turn off.

I'm past the in-crowd behavior but now it's people that try to be part of 'the scene' and I don't want anything to do with that. If you are anywhere on thedirty.com, sorry. It's kinda mutual though, I don't think those guys would want me either. Lol

No, I won't bother with the "I'm so smart I can't feel, I have no emotion" types. I've given those guys plenty of chances and there is nothing more frustrating than a man that is so unemotional he is like a robot. It's like he gave up on trying to work on his personality. Well, fvck you. It's also a good sign of how crappy he'll be in bed too, just saying. It'll be like having sex with a robot and I'm not into that (nothing wrong if you are into it)

I'm kinda hyper aware and on alert for controlling behavior. Dominant men don't turn off for some bizarre reason. gotta be careful. :/

Otherwise, I can think of plenty of things that I like, or that turn me on more than I don't like.
 
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CindyLou said:
No, I won't bother with the "I'm so smart I can't feel, I have no emotion" types. I've given those guys plenty of chances and there is nothing more frustrating than a man that is so unemotional he is like a robot. It's like he gave up on trying to work on his personality.
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Yeah, like those guys who think it's cool to seem very mysterious or who thinks it's a sign of masculinity to seem as if they don't care or are indifferent. Or even worse, those guys who have this idea that it's your job as woman to tame said cave beast. :D Apparently, they need a woman who can "handle" them and put up with their "strong" personality which to me, just means, someone who doesn't have self control or self management skills and thinks that their female partner's job is to be a lion tamer and calm the wild beast that threatens to be unleashed. :suspicious:
 
For whatever reason, I always seemed to attract the more forward and quick-talking extroverted male, particularly the one that would attempt to dominate the conversation in a group and monopolize on the humor. Most of my previous boyfriends were extroverts of this kind, even the ENTJ (though perhaps he was less of a bombastic example).

Nowadays, however, I prefer the quiet, confident man who doesn't feel the need to 'entertain' the group. I'm attracted to a strong intellectual presence rather than a loud, challenging voice and I find myself often being the one doing most of the talking. It's still a little unnerving, since I'm used to having a back and forth repartee, but I find the too outgoing males more annoying and obnoxious whereas I didn't before. I think it's because I've calmed down a bit myself and I'm comfortable stepping into the spotlight only when necessary without a 'back up' act.
 
TheDaringHatTrick said:
Nowadays, however, I prefer the quiet, confident man who doesn't feel the need to 'entertain' the group.
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yeah, takes someone who is more settled and comfortable within themselves to have this. It makes it easier to be with someone who is comfortable just being and doesn't need to put on a show but who is interesting as they are without having to work prove it.
 
The type who'll yawn during a conversation. Just rude. I can focus when I'm bored by someone and I'd expect the same.

Someone who has the mentality that other people's problems are not hers. And not even complicated matters. Simple things like stopping to help someone with their car or checking on someone who's lying in the street. "City thinkin'."

Can't enjoy silence.

Can't enjoy being outdoors.

Risk averse.

Cold fish.
 
Yes there are some traits that seem to be touted as desireable or whatnot that I do not find attractive.

Loud. Overly loud people seem uncouth and childish to me. Yet there are endless examples of men yelling and hollaring, back slapping and such.

Religious/Christian. I think spirituality is important but that isn't the same as being religious. I haven't given my life to the Lord, Jesus Christ...blah blah blah I don't consider it a desirable trait to be with someone who is into organized religion.
 
Small penis, Small mind, and well... short.
 
Huge turn offs:

Eating with an open mouth making noises (including chewing gum)..

Lack of etiquette in general. It can be plain embarrassing.

Denying evolution..

Very right-wing political allegiance.

Strong unpleasant body odor.

Things that bug me:

Lack of eye contact. I am introverted but I can look people in the eyes!
Being overly loud. I like soft speech and I have good hearing.
Getting into my personal space. I like my personal space.
Unnecessary talking. Sometimes silence is good!
Inability to enjoy good wine. Inability to hold liquor in general is disturbing.
Bad posture.
Bad taste in clothing. Sorry, call me an asshole but it is nice being with a lady who can dress like a lady, not like a whore or a slob.
Poor (especially overly-done) make up.
Inability to cook. . Or even worse being very picky in food, like picking olives out from a slice of pizza.
People that don't read in general.
Boring in bed... Can't be with a woman that can't differentiate between fucking and making love.
 
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i want to add to my list:
turn offs:
guys who talk trash about their ex's. even if she was trash, it's none of my business and no longer their problem
if you stink that's a deal breaker. but even if you don't - if you don't shower before you have sex well you won't be having sex with me.
dirty fingernails. eeewww
guys who move their junk around every five minutes.
 
Genuine said:
I used to wonder about that. :D It looked so odd.
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i always thought it was because they went commando and it was flopping around, but apparently that's not the only reason.
i have no junk to move around, but my boobs do get in the way sometimes. i guess i shouldn't really point fingers lol
 
I'm a fan of easy-going, laid-back, relaxed people who are intelligent, self-reflective, and emotionally open. They don't have to be highly emotional themselves, I just want them to not be emotionally stunted. I like when they have something to say without dominating the conversation or establishing a conversation that feels like a match of ping-pong. Someone who can communicate in an articulate manner (esp. verbally) may be more sexy to me. And in general an open-mind and a warm and loving nature will melt my defenses. I prefer partners who are not homebodys in the literal sense of the word; please be willing to travel with me, because I plan to continue doing it my entire life. Someone who is not afraid of water. Must not hate dogs and cats. Kind. Patient. Sensitive. Devoted. Laughs often and easily. Likes sex and is open-minded about it. Someone who lives a life of purpose, as well. Mm and an interest in health. Yowza, that's sexy.

The exactly opposites of those will be my turn-offs.
On a practical level, I have no interest in dating people who have a smoking addiction, who do drugs, and who drink alcohol regularly.
 
oceanbreeze said:
I'm a fan of easy-going, laid-back, relaxed people who are intelligent, self-reflective, and emotionally open. They don't have to be highly emotional themselves, I just want them to not be emotionally stunted. I like when they have something to say without dominating the conversation or establishing a conversation that feels like a match of ping-pong. Someone who can communicate in an articulate manner (esp. verbally) may be more sexy to me. And in general an open-mind and a warm and loving nature will melt my defenses. I prefer partners who are not homebodys in the literal sense of the word; please be willing to travel with me, because I plan to continue doing it my entire life. Someone who is not afraid of water. Must not hate dogs and cats. Kind. Patient. Sensitive. Devoted. Laughs often and easily. Likes sex and is open-minded about it. Someone who lives a life of purpose, as well. Mm and an interest in health. Yowza, that's sexy.
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That sounds about perfect. :)
 
I'm picky about a few things, but cigarette breath/ashtray mouth is at the top of the no-go list. It just physically repulses me and ends all attraction. If someone likes me that much, they can prove it by giving up smoking. Yup. :smile:
 
Lemonworld said:
I'm picky about a few things, but cigarette breath/ashtray mouth is at the top of the no-go list. It just physically repulses me and ends all attraction. If someone likes me that much, they can prove it by giving up smoking. Yup. :smile:
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Tough choice. What addictive qualities can you bring to the table? ;P
 
I'm turned off by women who spend too much time on their looks. There's nothing wrong with wanting to look good but women who wear loads of make-up and tan their bodies to a crisp end up looking like some ghoulish carnival freak. They're usually the sort of person who's vain and shallow and don't want to talk about anything more serious than celebrity gossip.

I'm also turned off by women who are very emotive, who will cry in the least stressful situation and need constant reassurance. I find their presence near toxic.
 
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