Roles you play and how they shape you | INFJ Forum

Roles you play and how they shape you

Gaze

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Sep 5, 2009
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So, we each occupy different roles in our lives. All these roles shape us in different ways. Some roles seem more dominant or significant than others depending on the stage of life we are in. What are the dominant roles in your life and how do you think they shape you as a person?

Examples of roles:
  • Family
  • School/Academic
  • Professional/Work
  • Friendship
  • Romantic/Partner
  • Consumer/Citizen
  • Other
 
Right now, my dominant roles are student and teacher; the contrast of required skills and expectations has produced internal tension and diminished motivation on both fronts. On one hand, I am a psychology student. I must behave within a prescribed and uniform system of regulations with very little freedom and shallow learning level, and am treated as though I know nothing and am not ready for a "real" job in the field. I've always been a highly achieving student, but formal education has always felt stifling and slightly dehumanizing because of these things. My school-fatigue is not relieved when most of my professors dismiss my job, which I love, as mere "application of basic research". University seems cold at times. On the bright side, though, I can take in, synthesize, and vibrantly explain a lot of models of behavior and have learned how to find information efficiently.

On the other hand, I work full-time in applied behavior analysis, teaching a wide and enduring range of skills and behaviors for children with autism that have a profound impact on their ability to function independently and meaningfully. I have an incredible amount of freedom in how I do these things, am well-compensated for my efforts, derive a great amount of pleasure from my work, and have my input appreciated and incorporated into others' day-to-day living. I have uplifted the lives of children who had in most cases been given up on and consigned to a kind of living Purgatory. It's a space where their ability to function and achieve meaningful goals remains static at best as they are not taught and challenged to grow and, at worst, declines as they are socially expected to perform increasingly complex tasks that they have not been prepared for. Guiding them out of this languid ring of living requires vast amounts of my energy, time, and patience.

Consequently, I frequently feel frustrated at what I consider superficial and arbitrary requirements for my degree because they detract from my ability to do work that is more meaningful to me, even though I know that the degree will open up a greater range of prospects in the future. My profs and advisor agree that I know everything I need to have my degree now, but I must wait and go through more hoops like a good little monkey. It's tiring, uninspiring, and I often feel stretched thin from having to prioritize against my values and current desires.
 
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The role which defined me the most was also as a grad student/academic. After a while it wore fairly thin, because everything resulted in "proof" and being impressive. There was a limited sense of freedom in what I felt I could accomplish that would match up with the expectations. You're forced into this narrow format in terms of interest, focus, and writing. After I left academia, I started to appreciate the value of having my own time, without feeling that every moment should be spent studying or researching, although I loved research. I was able to spend more time reading, and enjoy it. I started to realize that academia wasn't everything it appeared to be, and that it's possible to exist separately outside of that environment. Now, professional roles took over, and also become restrictive. The mutual satisfaction associated with getting something out of what you're doing was tough to find. Management of people as a group is not an area I find personally engaging or rewarding. As a result, one of things I realized I had to do, was to expand the type of roles I occupied including personal roles, by focusing on things that had personal satisfaction, not just roles associated with social or professional responsibility. Having something creative or otherwise that is personally fulfilling, has added a dimension that was non-existent when life revolved around school or work. Makes it easier to breathe.