Right now, my dominant roles are student and teacher; the contrast of required skills and expectations has produced internal tension and diminished motivation on both fronts. On one hand, I am a psychology student. I must behave within a prescribed and uniform system of regulations with very little freedom and shallow learning level, and am treated as though I know nothing and am not ready for a "real" job in the field. I've always been a highly achieving student, but formal education has always felt stifling and slightly dehumanizing because of these things. My school-fatigue is not relieved when most of my professors dismiss my job, which I love, as mere "application of basic research". University seems cold at times. On the bright side, though, I can take in, synthesize, and vibrantly explain a lot of models of behavior and have learned how to find information efficiently.
On the other hand, I work full-time in applied behavior analysis, teaching a wide and enduring range of skills and behaviors for children with autism that have a profound impact on their ability to function independently and meaningfully. I have an incredible amount of freedom in how I do these things, am well-compensated for my efforts, derive a great amount of pleasure from my work, and have my input appreciated and incorporated into others' day-to-day living. I have uplifted the lives of children who had in most cases been given up on and consigned to a kind of living Purgatory. It's a space where their ability to function and achieve meaningful goals remains static at best as they are not taught and challenged to grow and, at worst, declines as they are socially expected to perform increasingly complex tasks that they have not been prepared for. Guiding them out of this languid ring of living requires vast amounts of my energy, time, and patience.
Consequently, I frequently feel frustrated at what I consider superficial and arbitrary requirements for my degree because they detract from my ability to do work that is more meaningful to me, even though I know that the degree will open up a greater range of prospects in the future. My profs and advisor agree that I know everything I need to have my degree now, but I must wait and go through more hoops like a good little monkey. It's tiring, uninspiring, and I often feel stretched thin from having to prioritize against my values and current desires.