Responding Death Around You

[larcipelago]

As we open this forum, many of us may experience, witness death around you. Your close family, neighbor, colleagues, friends.

My case, I just WhatsApp a friend 4 days ago, she was positive but still had his full consciousness, and I didnt detect any personality misconfigured. She said dont worry about me, I just needes a rest.

I was shocked just last nite the news came to my mobile she was gone. My brain was puzzled out how really fast killer this Covid is. I am doing fine, never bother to take any swab after repetitive negative. I had been vaccinated.

I am just wondering, specially for my fellow INFJs how u guys handle death around you? That last lady person is just one stories of many I had lost.

I am fine, not in fear, but sad yes. How u guys handle it?

 

[David W]

I’m sorry for your loss.

Let yourself grieve In whatever way is right for you. Accept whatever feelings come to you.

I for one as an INFJ find that I process my feelings best by talking them out with others. That’s the extroverted feeling function. I see others react to me and then I know better what’s going on inside me. I call a friend or maybe talk to a therapist if I happen to have one at the moment. But that’s just me. Do what works for you.

 

[yokai]

I had a dear, dear friend pass a few years ago, a partner who knew he didn't have long and did his best to drive me away so I would be spared the pain. I refused.

I grieved for quite some time, and much of that was as David W stated above - sharing his story with others. I am of the belief that, so long as we honor the memory of others and continue sharing it, that person is able to live on alongside us in their own way. ( I rather like the Mexican beliefs and traditions related to Dia de Los Muertos. )

If you'd like to share your friend's memory, I'd be happy to listen.

 

[David54]

Grief will express itself in so many ways, based on so many things.
As for me, grief is different with each loss. What role did I play? Expected vs sudden. There is no one way, or anything other than your way based on the person.
Eventually, the loss is incorporated into you, but you carry it forever.
Some grief I share, some I don't. It is too painful, and there was a bond lost that I can't describe. It is mine, and for me alone
Is it healthy? Probably not, but it is my way

 

[Solcimagin]

Te mando fuerza. Ya sabes, he estado reflexionando sobre lo mismo últimamente, recientemente murió la madre de mi padrastro, alguien que no era exactamente cercano a mí, pero yo sabía y por supuesto su estado de salud conmovió a la familia. Creo que la muerte es muy personal y no siempre se vive de la misma manera, no siempre con el mismo grado de conciencia. En este caso, me sentí conectado al proceso emocional de cada persona en casa, con una comprensión íntima de lo que les está pasando, pero con una cierta lejanía y comprensión del proceso natural.

-----

I send you strength. You know, I've been reflecting on the same thing lately, recently my stepfather's mother died, someone who wasn't exactly close to me, but I knew and of course her health touched the family. I believe that death is very personal and it is not always lived in the same way, not always with the same degree of consciousness. In this case, I felt connected to the emotional process of each person at home, with an intimate understanding of what is happening to them, but with a certain remoteness and understanding of the natural process.

 

[o2b]

I don't have much to offer, but just a couple things.

I am a theist and believe that God and love ultimately find everybody so I don't really grieve much in related respects to this.

I reflect on what it means for me to no longer be able to live life with the person. Just hang out and respect that space.

I reflect on others close to the person who died and what it may mean for those folks no longer able to live life with the person. Like the person's children or spouse. Just hang out, respect, and appreciate that space as well.

 

[just me]

Honestly, as a grown man, my Stepdad was my business partner, one of my mentors, best friend, helped care for him. Losing my Mom was tough. He left two years later, screaming "They're torturing me, xxxx; they're torturing me" in the ICU when given the wrong meds. I can still hear his voice depending on my help. I had always been there for him. Felt like I lost a large part of myself.
Weeks went by before I could face work. "How's your Dad" and "Where's your Dad" drove me back home. Hurt my back, and disappeared from the business a couple to three years. Tried to sell and do enough to get by. Closed it last year.

It may or may not be wise, but I have to withdraw from people: sometimes sleeping most of the day. My beliefs may help, but I suffer when I lose someone close to me. I was still in no shape to face family when my uncle died\. I knew I would cry around family and could not face them yet. Hope my cousin understood. It is not like I have a lot of close friends.

I've lost so much and been through so much(haven't we all) that I could not cry when we put down our Jack Russell two weeks back. Now my best friend(GSD) has degenerative myelopathy. It is Lou Gehrig's Disease in dogs.

Had a friend say it was the first time he had seen me smile today. Don't remember smiling. We each deal with death differently in each occasion. Guess I may not worry about it any longer when it is my time.

 

[o2b]

I've lost so much and been through so much(haven't we all) that I could not cry when we put down our Jack Russell two weeks back. Now my best friend(GSD) has degenerative myelopathy. It is Lou Gehrig's Disease in dogs.

Heck, I am really sorry.

 

[Hba5h65]

Sorry for the loss of your friend, larcipelago. Dealing with same at the moment. All I want to do is sleep. Exhausted. Hope you are well.

 

[dZpADTLrPmX4c]

My care for both of you, @GreenTea and @larcipelago hugs
Are you managing okay?
As Yokai said, if you should ever want to talk about things, even if it's just reminiscing or sharing your memories, let me know. If not, as David54 said, that too is fate. There are some things that, their intimacy precludes discussing, and to do so sometimes doesn't feel right.

For me. I rarely feel anything. If I focus on it, there's usually some vague sense of loss. It isn't that they won't be missed or weren't loved. And I understand why it is so painful for many; I wept after my dad died, and I still dream about him. I'll weep again someday for my sister & mum, if circumstances allow me that luxury.
My emotional attachment style takes a long time & a lot of trust for me to bond, and most people aren't in my life enough for me to feel 'loss' in the same way.
But if we connect (read: I want to grow old with you), that grief is agony. My heart never truly lets go.

 

[Hba5h65]

My care for both of you, @GreenTea and @larcipelago hugs
Are you managing okay?
As Yokai said, if you should ever want to talk about things, even if it's just reminiscing or sharing your memories, let me know. If not, as David54 said, that too is fate. There are some things that, their intimacy precludes discussing, and to do so sometimes doesn't feel right.

For me. I rarely feel anything. If I focus on it, there's usually some vague sense of loss. It isn't that they won't be missed or weren't loved. And I understand why it is so painful for many; I wept after my dad died, and I still dream about him. I'll weep again someday for my sister & mum, if circumstances allow me that luxury.
My emotional attachment style takes a long time & a lot of trust for me to bond, and most people aren't in my life enough for me to feel 'loss' in the same way.
But if we connect (read: I want to grow old with you), that grief is agony. My heart never truly lets go.

You are a lovely person.

 

[dZpADTLrPmX4c]

You are a lovely person.

Thank you, haha ^_^
A friend told me once, you have ice in your veins. She's an INTJ type and didn't mean it offensively, she was being honest about her perspective. But I think there's more to it than that.
Love and loss are complex subjects and we have our own ways of dealing (or not dealing) with it.

 

[zxgjhnmfm659]

You have my condolences.