Hey everyone,
INTJ female who dated an INFJ male. We broke up 6 months ago. I've been trying to move on but it has been difficult and I want to know if there is any hope for reconciliation.
Full details
We met through an online dating site and hit it off instantly. We talked for a month. We became exclusive in 12/2019 He was living in Minnesota at the time finishing up his degree. He graduated in April 2020 and moved back home to California. I was in Virginia, looking for jobs and doing freelance writing to pay the bills. He needed to pass his boards in order to complete his degree. He took his first exam in June and did not pass. The original plan was for him to visit that summer. We pushed the plans for him to visit to 12/8/20. He was supposed to take the exam again in October but had a death in the family. Meanwhile, I find a stable job in 10/20 (due to my disability I did not need a job, but wanted to plan for our future). He takes the exam in November and does not pass. At this point, I start to get impatient. I felt like our relationship was not progressing. I ask him what his plan is now that he hasn't passed a second time. Will he get a part-time job to support our future so that we can be together. He says yes. This helps alleviate my fears a little although I still have doubt. I go home for thanksgiving and introduce him to my family for the first time. My mom is worried and says what kind of 33 year old still has no job and lives with his parents. Thus I begin to feel insecure again. I try to talk to him about it, but it goes nowhere. After Thanksgiving, I meet a guy, we'll call him tall guy at a Mexican restaurant. Tall guy gives me his number. Tall guy and I text back and forth, subtle flirting. Tall guy asks me out. Meanwhile, my boyfriend and I start fighting about his future plans and when he is going to visit. I decided to break up with my boyfriend. I tell him that I want to date local guys (unfortunately this was right before our one year anniversary). I accept tall guys offer to go on a date. It goes well, but all I can think about is how this was supposed to be with my ex. After three weeks I stop talking to tall guy completely.
Throughout December, my ex and I go back and forth. He tells me that he cannot be just friends and does not think we can be together because he no longer trusts me. I say that's fine. I delete his phone number and unfriend him at his request. I get an email from him asking if we could try the friendship thing. He says he didn't like the way things ended. He missed our spiritual connection. I excitedly emailed him back saying that I would like to maintain a connection. I tell him that I'll unblock him and that he can call me and we can discuss what we both want. I get a text that night saying that the email was a mistake and that there were too many negative emotions. He hopes that one day he'll be able to reach out again in friendship, but not right now. Disappointed I say why don't we just try a phone call. The phone call does not go well. I ask if I can help him find a job. He does not want my help. He says he doesn't want us to be together. After the phone call, I get a text that says he still loves me but he needs space. I try to give him space. I said that I sent him his Christmas gift because I thought we were going to reconcile. But after that, I would give him space. We text throughout December. I don't text him again until February. I ask him if he wants to play Chess; a favorite pastime of ours. He agrees. I was hoping our chess outing would go well because I wanted to travel to California in March. At the end of the chess date, he was unusually cold. I asked him if he did not have a good time. He says he did, but seeing my face on video brought up too many negative emotions. He says he wanted a clean break.. I say that's fine but please don't reach out to me like last time. He said he won't.
I sent him a message via Facebook messenger a month ago with no response. He read it though. I since told him that I would honor our clean break and that I hope he takes care. I want to respect his wishes of no contact, but I do miss his friendship. Is there any chance we could be on a talking basis again (not romantic, just talking)?
INTJ female who dated an INFJ male. We broke up 6 months ago. I've been trying to move on but it has been difficult and I want to know if there is any hope for reconciliation.
Full details
We met through an online dating site and hit it off instantly. We talked for a month. We became exclusive in 12/2019 He was living in Minnesota at the time finishing up his degree. He graduated in April 2020 and moved back home to California. I was in Virginia, looking for jobs and doing freelance writing to pay the bills. He needed to pass his boards in order to complete his degree. He took his first exam in June and did not pass. The original plan was for him to visit that summer. We pushed the plans for him to visit to 12/8/20. He was supposed to take the exam again in October but had a death in the family. Meanwhile, I find a stable job in 10/20 (due to my disability I did not need a job, but wanted to plan for our future). He takes the exam in November and does not pass. At this point, I start to get impatient. I felt like our relationship was not progressing. I ask him what his plan is now that he hasn't passed a second time. Will he get a part-time job to support our future so that we can be together. He says yes. This helps alleviate my fears a little although I still have doubt. I go home for thanksgiving and introduce him to my family for the first time. My mom is worried and says what kind of 33 year old still has no job and lives with his parents. Thus I begin to feel insecure again. I try to talk to him about it, but it goes nowhere. After Thanksgiving, I meet a guy, we'll call him tall guy at a Mexican restaurant. Tall guy gives me his number. Tall guy and I text back and forth, subtle flirting. Tall guy asks me out. Meanwhile, my boyfriend and I start fighting about his future plans and when he is going to visit. I decided to break up with my boyfriend. I tell him that I want to date local guys (unfortunately this was right before our one year anniversary). I accept tall guys offer to go on a date. It goes well, but all I can think about is how this was supposed to be with my ex. After three weeks I stop talking to tall guy completely.
Throughout December, my ex and I go back and forth. He tells me that he cannot be just friends and does not think we can be together because he no longer trusts me. I say that's fine. I delete his phone number and unfriend him at his request. I get an email from him asking if we could try the friendship thing. He says he didn't like the way things ended. He missed our spiritual connection. I excitedly emailed him back saying that I would like to maintain a connection. I tell him that I'll unblock him and that he can call me and we can discuss what we both want. I get a text that night saying that the email was a mistake and that there were too many negative emotions. He hopes that one day he'll be able to reach out again in friendship, but not right now. Disappointed I say why don't we just try a phone call. The phone call does not go well. I ask if I can help him find a job. He does not want my help. He says he doesn't want us to be together. After the phone call, I get a text that says he still loves me but he needs space. I try to give him space. I said that I sent him his Christmas gift because I thought we were going to reconcile. But after that, I would give him space. We text throughout December. I don't text him again until February. I ask him if he wants to play Chess; a favorite pastime of ours. He agrees. I was hoping our chess outing would go well because I wanted to travel to California in March. At the end of the chess date, he was unusually cold. I asked him if he did not have a good time. He says he did, but seeing my face on video brought up too many negative emotions. He says he wanted a clean break.. I say that's fine but please don't reach out to me like last time. He said he won't.
I sent him a message via Facebook messenger a month ago with no response. He read it though. I since told him that I would honor our clean break and that I hope he takes care. I want to respect his wishes of no contact, but I do miss his friendship. Is there any chance we could be on a talking basis again (not romantic, just talking)?
