Relationship questions...

Satya · Jan 17, 2011

How many dates should you go on before you officially start a relationship with someone?
How many dates before you have sex?
Where would be the best places to meet someone you found on the internet in real life for the first time?

More questions to come...

Faye · Jan 17, 2011

Satya, what qualifies as a date? A lot of people in college don't date, or they do small things but still spend time together and not call it dating. I don't know what a date is.

Also, I'd say the quality of the dates is as much or more of a factor on the right time than quantity.

The best place to meet is wherever you want. But if you don't really know the person, meet some place neutral like a coffee shop with a bunch of people- just for safety.

I do think it is kind of cool that you could stage your own real life meeting with someoen though, if you really liked that person, that is.

Edith · Jan 17, 2011

My answers:
1) However many is right for you both.
2) However many you want. I don't believe there's a predetermined number of times you should meet before you have sex - do whatever feels right.
3) I'd have to say, somewhere public. Just in case.

NiennaLadyOfTears · Jan 17, 2011

1) if it's solo it starts that night.
2) At least not until engagement.
3) Never.

ontheroadtohope · Jan 17, 2011

I have to agree with Elowen. Each relationship will be different -- some people are most comfortable taking these milestones slowly, while others prefer to jump right in. Gauging your own individual situation is the only way to know.

acd · Jan 17, 2011

This has been a public service announcement from your friendly random internet expert

Relative to those involved.

..But, the best place to meet someone in person from online would be in public, and not alone.. I'd bring a friend with and let my family or other friends know my plans because I'm extra cautious.

DrShephard · Jan 17, 2011

How many dates should you go on before you officially start a relationship with someone?
Not my field! Relationships are fickle and strange. Putting the official stamp on it labels a relationship as something that it isn't. I suppose whenever you feel like it though?

How many dates before you have sex?
Whenever it feels right. My general formula is "the night that you decide to kiss her".

Where would be the best places to meet someone you found on the internet in real life for the first time?
Wherever you want! Preferably somewhere that you like. For me, that would be a wine bar, a restaurant, or just an area of town you want to walk around in.

Indulge more, care less.

Hope that helped

invisible · Jan 17, 2011

date somehow for three months before becoming totally committed, but you can raise expectations earlier.
you should go on at least three sex-free dates, although sex as the outcome of the third is negotiable.
when you first meet someone from the internet it should be for a for a coffee and maybe a walk for one hour.

no exceptions.

Edith · Jan 17, 2011

I don't know how you can say this when everyone is different and comes from different circumstances.

... Unless you're joking.

Razare · Jan 17, 2011

It all depends on you and the other person.

If you want to make sure you're not rushing things as far as sex, just hold off until you're in a situation where its obvious there is the "mood". If you still want to wait then, its probably good to discuss this with the other person; that way they wont be confused if you go shoving them away.

So it actually depends little on the number of dates, I think. It's more about quality face time with each other and developing the relationship to a certain point.

As far as internet meetings, I think the best places are those that are very public. A coffee shop is a good example. It sounds cliche, but both parties should be comfortable having a first meeting in such an environment.

invisible · Jan 17, 2011

i would never joke about so solemn a matter.

Trifoilum · Jan 17, 2011

1) Depends, how much do you know after each date? But I agreed with invincible, 3 months minimum.
2) Uuuuh...for me I don't think I'd have sex until it's official. But even after that...uuh....sorry, uptight part talking here. But maybe 1 - 6 months after becoming official; depending on the guy.
3) Somewhere very public and open. A coffee shop sounds like a good idea. Pick one that's pretty far from your house, and pretty easy to escape from (near a public transportation, or near a friend's house), so that if something ugly happens....you can run away safely. How crowded is also important; choose somewhere that's not too crowded, but still have enough people.

Pick a place you actually like, so you can talk about it at least a little. If you're in hiding (for instance, if you're in the closet), try to avoid place where your friends would likely be there. Also, choose the price tags carefully. You don't want to see your pocket burn because you suddenly have to pay for two. /6s

slant · Jan 17, 2011

In my last relationship building plans I said that I would need to meet with them in person: 12 times and meet their parents: 3 times and would need to maintain a friendship for one year before dating. This was, sort of a long distance thing because the person happened to live 1 1/2 away from me and that, well that sucked hardcore. We were only friends for six months so it saved me a lot of pointless time and effort there. I usually meet people I meet on the internet at my parents house, a coffeeshop...public places or places where other people will be around to watch and make sure nothing happens.

ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc · Jan 17, 2011

what are we, SJs?

Things just depend.

DevilDoll · Jan 17, 2011

These questions don't have absolute answers. Not only do the answers differ between people, but I myself can not give a straight answer because it depends on the person I am going out with. Each situation is different. Just go with the flow and see where it takes you. There's not need to stick to a rigid set of guidelines. That just seems to make things a bit.. impersonal.

88chaz88 · Jan 17, 2011

1. Whatever you like.
2. Whatever you like.
3. Wherever you like.

oddgirlout · Jan 17, 2011

I hate to be a flake, but I'm going to say it truly depends regarding your first two questions. From a purly logical standpoint, perhaps looking at your past relationships that you felt comfortable in/had some success with could provide some insight. You could average out the number of dates that you begin to open up while also determining when you begin to truly feel comfortable with the other person.

As far as number three, you should always meet in a public place, preferable away from your neighborhood or home. I would pick a place where a mutal interst lies (i.e. you like reading, meet at a bookstore) this will help with the conversation if need be.

Korg · Jan 17, 2011

In my book, you're already in a relationship by the time you go on a date with someone. The point of the date is to see if you want to continue said relationship.

Whatever works for the parties involved.

Whatever works for the parties involved.

Billy · Jan 17, 2011

For me

I usually go on dates for up or around 1-2 months, at which point I am usually involved enough to know if I want it to go further or not. If I do choose to bring it forward I will usually ask if they feel mutually. In which case we do...

The sex can start anywhere really... depending on physical chemistry... although I don't think I would date a girl who had sex with me before at least 3 or 4 dates.

TigersGoRAWR · Jan 17, 2011

How many dates before you have sex?

One thing I really suggest here.... is that you have sex with the person you feel comfortable with, or love. I don't think sex should be tossed around, because it's a pretty serious thing. My EX boyfriend, was a slime for this. He always tried to force me to do stuff no matter how many dates we'd been on. I always said no, though. But he always dry humped me... and I absolutely hated it... probably because I knew, after he did that, he wasn't right. He was aggressive and forceful. T_T. I'm no expert at this, but I think you should have sexually intimacy with someone you trust and love.

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