I was abused by my mothers partner both physically and mentally when I was a child, Its sad but he used my hands as ashtrays and put cigarettes out on them, he was a monster and treated me like a thing to be broken, and he succeeded, I use to be terrified of men when I was younger. I would cower for fear of another beating. I guess you could say Ive got abandonment issues, my father left after he split with my mother and despite knowing about the abuse he never came back. My mother young and naive fell in love with a ruff gang type member and didn't know how to provide me with a safe environment to grow up in, eventually she gave custody to my Grandfather who treated me with the love and gentleness, I needed to enjoy my childhood and begin to trust again. I think of the day some years later when I meet my mothers partner again, hardly a monster now, more an old man, he looked into my eyes and all he said was sorry. Ill always remember that day because, without the compassion my grandfather showed me, I don't think, I would have ever accepted that apology.
So its been 23 years, Ive meet my father once, he knows where I am but doesn't take the time or effort to get to know me, hes on my mind more then I care to Admit, this fact will always bother me.
My relationship with my mother is little better, however we do talk and see once every couple of years, I wish her the best but feel like somethings missing perhaps a connection built during ones childhood.
My Grandfather Passed away a few years ago and I consider him to be my real mother and father, and miss him everyday and thank him for everything he gave me.
