[INFJ] Re entering the workforce

[Rosie1234]

hi,
I’m new here and this is my first post, hope I get it right.
I’m re entering the work force after being home for 15 years with my children.
Currently I have started work at a primary school doing education support, I love this, I’m great with the kids and I find the job rewarding.
However I struggle with the social side of work, I’m not good at all at expressing myself, I struggle/hate chit chat so finding work friends is hard, I also tend to be over looked for call in days, they pick other assistants over me and on my observation the other workers are great at banter and social conversations and no so good with children but they get by on being socially confident, I however am rubbish at this but my work is 100%.
I can read people so well and I hate it, picking up on other people feelings is so hard.
I was wondering if anyone else has these problems and how do you deal with them? I honestly would rather to stay at home and write my books.
Also do any of you get really tired after being around lots of people? this exhausts me.
Sorry for rambling, I’m in desperate need of someone who understands me.

 

[Sandie33]

get really tired after being around lots of people

Hi @Rosie1234, and welcome. Yes, I can relate to being exhausted after spending 8 hours, (or more), with others. I believe much of the tiredness comes from how we gather data in the back of our minds while focusing on our tasks at the same time...we are using our minds twice as hard, therefore, we get twice as tired as another type might.

 

[Littlelissa]

I can relate. I've spent quite a long time working in health care and one of the challenges I have is with the care teams I work with. I find I'm socially awkward, and this is worse when I'm new and don't know anyone.
Plus, when I'm nervous or aroused my memory is worse and I struggle to remember people's names and new procedures etc. It's pretty embarrassing but I know now that it's not that I am not capable. It's because I find the overload of information difficult. (I know you didn't mention struggling with this - but I find this quite difficult myself).
In terms of small talk I agree 100 %, in my last 2 jobs, 2 plus years for both, it took a long time for my colleagues to get me, and understand even a bit where I was coming from... I think they got it in the end, but initially I think people perceived me as aloof and rude. It takes me longer to fit in socially (although I can connect intimately one to one very easily, people can find this a bit weird). I find that I have to make an effort to engage, but when I do - people suddenly realise a bit more the 'me' that I'm usually keeping inside, and maybe wonder why I'm one foot out a lot of the time.
I get tired being around people, I enjoy some social exchanges but a lot of the time I find I'm not completely relaxed.. quite frankly break time spent alone is more relaxing for me in most instances.
Now I understand myself better I know to let people know I need a bit more time than others in the beginning (to settle in - and, in my case, learn new info), but once I can get to grips with things and give people a chance to know me a bit more it seems a bit easier.
Good luck with it. I think it helps just giving ourselves a bit of a break in the early days - because, for me anyway, once I'm settled in I catch up with everyone else. The social thing is I think always a bit of a challenge, but none as much as in the very beginning.

 

[acd]

Welcome @Rosie1234 !

I also feel like I'm pretty awkward in social settings and I've never had a period where I was not in the workforce. I can only imagine what a huge adjustment it is after being home and caring for your children (which is work in itself!)

And at times, I kind of envy my coworkers who can banter and socialize effortlessly with anyone. It takes me awhile to get to that level with people. I can't really do it casually. I think what really matters is that you are good at your job and cooperative with coworkers, even if not very social. But I've just come to accept that I'm not a social butterfly. I'm the type who tends to keep my office door closed while concentrating on something rather than socializing with coworkers, or at least it's difficult to be able to do both. But I always try to be pleasant anyway, smile and greet people and ask if they need help with anything. I work from home now, but when I was in an office I might bake something or bring in coffee for everyone. Maybe you could do something like that and leave it in the break area? Around holidays maybe bring in a treat.

Give yourself some time to get comfortable with people. It's pretty typical of introverts to take awhile to warm up and be casually social. Your co-workers will come to appreciate you.

I also pick up on people's feelings without intending to, and it can be tiring (and at times confusing when you pick up on something that they are not saying--then I feel awkward). In those instances, I try to keep in mind boundaries between myself and others feelings/energies.

And yes, after a busy day of meeting with people, I'm exhausted and need alone time to rest and regroup. I think it's really important to allow yourself that space when needed.

 

[Asa]

Hi @Rosie1234, I relate. Learning to socialize is a survival skill. If you look at it that way, it's easier to learn to be sociable. Extroverts will always have the upper hand in situations where people who are chatty and 'fun' are rewarded, but you can learn to hold your own.

I was incredibly introverted and shy and wished I were mute so I wouldn't have to talk to people, until I was about 19. (I'm in my 40s now.) Due to a situation I won't get into, I was homeless, and my boyfriend (who was very popular, so I leaned on him to introduce me to people a little too much) left me alone on the street and told me to find a place to sleep. It was raining, and the only person in the area that I recognized was a creepy older guy with a certain 'reputation'. Naturally, he was not an option, so I found the nerve to approach some people who looked like they were part of my same subculture, and chatted with them, then asked if I could crash on their sofa. My only other choice in that instance was to spend the night alone in the city, outside. Even in less dire circumstances, like finding and keeping a job, friends, allies, etc, learning to socialize is a survival skill.

And yes, introverts get fatigued from socializing too much.

Good luck! It sounds like the job suits you. I hope you make a few friends there.

 

[James]

hi,
I’m new here and this is my first post, hope I get it right.
I’m re entering the work force after being home for 15 years with my children.
Currently I have started work at a primary school doing education support, I love this, I’m great with the kids and I find the job rewarding.
However I struggle with the social side of work, I’m not good at all at expressing myself, I struggle/hate chit chat so finding work friends is hard, I also tend to be over looked for call in days, they pick other assistants over me and on my observation the other workers are great at banter and social conversations and no so good with children but they get by on being socially confident, I however am rubbish at this but my work is 100%.
I can read people so well and I hate it, picking up on other people feelings is so hard.
I was wondering if anyone else has these problems and how do you deal with them? I honestly would rather to stay at home and write my books.
Also do any of you get really tired after being around lots of people? this exhausts me.
Sorry for rambling, I’m in desperate need of someone who understands me.

I will guess that most of your co workers are women too? You have 15 years experience as a mother. Tell them about yourself, a little at a time. Ask them (gently) about their lives.

Complain about your husband/partner, a little. Say anything, but say something.

It takes time, but it will work out. At least half the population are extroverts and they love to talk. Give them an ear, and you're all done. Good luck.