Questions for INFJs in relativly good and satisfying relationships

[Jana]

1. How old are you?
2. Hod did you meet your partner?
3. At wich point did you start to feel something (for example, did you start relationship with feelings or that came later?)?
4. Did you "know" (meaning: it felt good according to your Ni) that your (in that time future) partner is someone worth trying?

Feel free to share any interesting stories.
I am trying to come to some conclusion and most people with whom I talk are nonINFJs. I respect their opinion, but I don't think that some of their solution would work for me.

Thanks!

 

[Jana]

And please, just don't say that there is no such thing as INFJ in satisfying relationship

 

[This]

1. How old are you?
2. Hod did you meet your partner?
3. At wich point did you start to feel something (for example, did you start relationship with feelings or that came later?)?
4. Did you "know" (meaning: it felt good according to your Ni) that your (in that time future) partner is someone worth trying?

Feel free to share any interesting stories.
I am trying to come to some conclusion and most people with whom I talk are nonINFJs. I respect their opinion, but I don't think that some of their solution would work for me.

Thanks!

What is it that you're looking for a solution to?

 

[acd]

Being different enough to complement one another is big.. I think.
I used to go for the intellectual brooding type... but damn.. all the hassle adapting to their moods and demands and superiority complexes!
Before I met my bf, I had come up with all new criteria for who I would date.
He fit it all. Outgoing, hilarious, adventurous, intelligent, and charming.
When I first met him, I thought he was an ENTP. But I think he is an ENFP.
I noticed him right away and thought, "It's almost unfair, Universe, how often I get my way!"

Our personalities are very different... but we share the same values and beliefs..It is the smoothest most stable and drama-free relationship I have ever been in.
I think it can all be chalked up to: He doesn't need me to take care of him! I ran myself ragged doing that for the ex. To the point where it was taken for granted and I just felt humiliated and resentful..
I felt like I was always having to conform to their expectations and demands..

I feel like my bf and I are actually partners and friends.

I think that not being a doormat for your love is crucial for a satisfying relationship. There has to be mutuality. Also, different temperaments with similar values seems like a win/win combo.

 

[Morgain]

I'm not an INFJ but I'll answer the questions if I may:becky:

1. How old are you?
28
2. Hod did you meet your partner?
at badminton practice
3. At wich point did you start to feel something (for example, did you start relationship with feelings or that came later?)?
from the first moment I saw him. I have spend six months thinking that he was after my best friend
4. Did you "know" (meaning: it felt good according to your Ni) that your (in that time future) partner is someone worth trying?
I'm only with him for 1 week now but I deeply feel that he is the one for me. It feels like all parts fall into place now. And I think he feels the same way. I have never felt this way before with a guy!

I noticed him right away and thought, "It's almost unfair, Universe, how often I get my way!"

I felt the same way when I met my (since 1 week ) bf. I even draw tarot cards on our relationship and they where all unanimous SOULMATES! :becky:

Our personalities are very different... but we share the same values and beliefs..It is the smoothest most stable and drama-free relationship I have ever been in.
I think it can all be chalked up to: He doesn't need me to take care of him! I ran myself ragged doing that for the ex. To the point where it was taken for granted and I just felt humiliated and resentful..
I felt like I was always having to conform to their expectations and demands..

I think that not being a doormat for your love is crucial for a satisfying relationship. There has to be mutuality.

being two individuals that walk together for a while both standing on their own feet is in my opinion the best way to be in a relationship. In my experience it was the other way around with him running behind me like a puppy dog trying to fulfill all my needs. It is not very attractive to me. What I need is someone that can take care of himself and gives off the vibe "don't take me for granted"

 

[Galileo]

1. How old are you?

I'm 26 and my partner is 56

2. Hod did you meet your partner?

we met on skype a couple of years ago now. we became friends so easily. I wasn't actually looking for a partner at the time, just someone to talk to and maybe practice german with. he is Swiss. I had just come out of a 3 year relationship, so was really not wanting to get involved with someone new.

3. At wich point did you start to feel something (for example, did you start relationship with feelings or that came later?)?

a couple of months after meeting him I realised I had feelings for him. I kept it secret though, because I didn't know how old he was, or if he was married or anything. these are personal questions I don't ask unless the other person asks me, and thus I feel comfortable asking. It got too much though, and I eventually told him how I felt, because I didn't feel I could be a good friend to him and not be honest about how I felt. Friends, I reasoned, should be honest about this stuf. it turned out he felt the same way, and now we're married. I asked him after that how old he was, and he told me, and I just didn't feel any different. I mean, I was 24 and grown up enough to make a decision about it, and I just didn't care about the age difference. Others do, but it just doesn't effect us.

4. Did you "know" (meaning: it felt good according to your Ni) that your (in that time future) partner is someone worth trying?

difficult question. I always had some doubts, especially before we actually physically met one another, but now that we have, and I'm making arrangements to move there, it just seems so right. I think I always knew however that he was the one for me, that this time, it'd go right to the end. we are both people who have a lot of love to give and very clear ideals of what kind of relationship we want, and they match pretty much perfectly.

 

[Orion]

1. How old are you?

21.

2. How did you meet your partner?

On this forum, in June 2009. She mentioned the film "Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter and Spring" and we both found out we were traumatised by the horror "IT"... and we got on well after that! We met for the first time in real life in March 2010 in London. We were in a long distance relationship for 9 months before she moved to the UK.

3. At wich point did you start to feel something (for example, did you start relationship with feelings or that came later?)?

About 3 months in. It was November and I just started university and moved to a new city. The start of the course was really miserable and my only excitement came from talking to her online. It didn't click that I had strong feelings for her until I left the forum for a bit and we didn't talk for a while. A, you don't know what you've got till it's gone kind of thing. I then told her how I really felt, not really knowing how she would react and amazingly she felt the same way. We decided to meet in real life after Christmas.

4. Did you "know" (meaning: it felt good according to your Ni) that your (in that time future) partner is someone worth trying?

Of course. It's extremely rare that I am ever really drawn or attracted to a woman.

 

[Jana]

What is it that you're looking for a solution to?

Hm, hard to say. Let's say it that I collect datas..

 

[VH]

1. How old are you?

I was 32 when I finally got into the only real relationship of my life. Before that, I had a few on again off again attempts, nothing lasting more than a few months at a time, nothing truly connected the way I knew it should be.

2. Hod did you meet your partner?

I met her in my dreams when I was about 19. I dreamed about her for years, slowly seeing her more clearly, until I knew exactly what she looked like, smelled like, her vibe, her presence, her manner.

3. At wich point did you start to feel something (for example, did you start relationship with feelings or that came later?)?

Meanwhile, I had a friend who lived about an hour out of town. When I would call for him, his sister would often answer the phone, and I just loved talking to her. She was so sweet, and just hearing her voice would brighten my day. I actually used to innocently call when I knew he wasn't there just to hear her say hello, and chat with her for a few minutes. She brought light to my life. Somehow, she had an amazing way of touching my soul.

4. Did you "know" (meaning: it felt good according to your Ni) that your (in that time future) partner is someone worth trying?

After many years of innocently talking to her on the phone for a few minutes here or there, I finally met her, and saw her for the first time. I knew without a shadow of a doubt because everything about her was as I had been dreaming for over a decade. From that instant, we spent every moment together (I even got a job where she worked so we could be together at work). We both just knew. She came home with me that night and moved in with me (without asking, not that I would have said no), and we got to spend the most wonderful happiest years of our lives together. We only ever had three 'fights' and they consisted of us getting upset with each other for about 10-30 minutes, not talking, and then saying (at the same time) "This is stupid. Nothing is worth risking our relationship. I'm sorry, and I love you." We were constantly in physical contact with each other if possible. We always held hands when walking, always spooned when we slept, had trouble going a few hours without at least hugging each other. We were that couple that other couples couldn't believe still acted like newlyweds after all the years we'd been together. It was as close to perfect as I could imagine, and losing her was the most painful thing that has ever happened to me.

Edit: I got some rep comments about this, so I wanted to make this clear. She's not dead. Her sister in law hated me and told her some very convincing lies. She wouldn't believe me, left me, and stopped talking to me. Worse still, she got into drugs, alienated herself from her family, ruined her life, and is apparently homeless now. I have no idea where she is. When I say lost, I mean it literally.

 

[Siamese cat]

1. How old are you?
2. Hod did you meet your partner?
3. At wich point did you start to feel something (for example, did you start relationship with feelings or that came later?)?
4. Did you "know" (meaning: it felt good according to your Ni) that your (in that time future) partner is someone worth trying?

Feel free to share any interesting stories.
I am trying to come to some conclusion and most people with whom I talk are nonINFJs. I respect their opinion, but I don't think that some of their solution would work for me.

Thanks!

26, soon to be 27.

I went out with a bunch of friends, and one of them brought him. I didn't officially meet him until the end of night (it was a big bunch of people and we separated in smaller groups), he was drunk and he and his friend went to escort me to the train station. I wore a black poncho I bought in Mexico, and he commented that I look very graceful in it, like I'm flying. He was drunk of his ass, but I noticed him and was intrigued by him previously, and this just strengthen my want to find out more about him. The guitar of friend of mine stayed with him and I used it as an excuse to contact him.

We chatted an exchanged messages and emails for around two months, and saw each other a couple of times during that time. One time I went out with that same bunch of friends and I didn't know how much I had hoped he'll show up, until I realized he won't show up. Our relationship started later, so I started it with having some feelings already.

During all that time before I entered the relationship with my boyfriend, I was in a in and out relationship that I'd rather not discus here, with a strange guy, but being that there was a third person involved in all that mess, when an opportunity presented itself for me to enter in a relationship with my boyfriend I took it. For about a month I questioned my decision from time to time, until one night when I had a very strange dream with both of them in it. The content of that dream is not really important as much as the feeling I felt in it. There was a ladder in front of me, and I felt I should climb it. My boyfriend wanted to follow me, but the other guy was trying to pull me towards himself and away from that ladder. My boyfriend stood by, prepared to follow me if I decide to climb it, saying he would help me if I need and that he'll stood by but will not force me anything. When I woke up I realised that the relationship I entered was what I really wanted and that I made the right choice by walking away from that other guy. This is a short version. There was a lot more to it.

 

[David54]

1. How old are you?
old

2. Hod did you meet your partner?
we were introduced by a church memeber. . she is the music director. . some nine years ago.

3. At wich point did you start to feel something
instantly. . although we did not come together until last summer. long story

4. Did you "know"
without a doubt in my head. .

 

[grt$5vb]

[MENTION=1069]Jana[/MENTION] Someday I'm gonna come back & reply in this thread, baby girl.

 

[burnt by the sun]

1. How old are you?
2. Hod did you meet your partner?
3. At wich point did you start to feel something (for example, did you start relationship with feelings or that came later?)?
4. Did you "know" (meaning: it felt good according to your Ni) that your (in that time future) partner is someone worth trying?

Feel free to share any interesting stories.
I am trying to come to some conclusion and most people with whom I talk are nonINFJs. I respect their opinion, but I don't think that some of their solution would work for me.

Thanks!

1) almost 21
2) We met through a brand new friend of mine in the first week of college, three years ago. These two were friends in high school and happened to be attending the same university. The brand new friend invited us both to the commons' pool hall. When we were introduced, he made a very roundabout reference to my name (because my name isn't common and people have always felt the need to comment; I usually get one of two direct and uncreative responses from people). Even though his response was lost on, and had to be explained to, the others present, I really liked that he tried. I could tell that we were the same kind of socially awkward. Later learned that he's an INTJ.
3) We've been together for a year and a half now. I was hung up in a naive infatuation with someone else for the first year that we knew each other. Even though I found him smart, funny, relatable, and attractive (great smile and intense eyes... swoon), it took me getting over the other to take a serious look at him. When I was finally getting over the other and started thinking about my guy, I held off acting for at least a few months, because I wasn't sure if it was: my new found freedom of thought trying to force itself into another naive infatuation (since that's were my mind was masochistically comfortable for so long), or that I genuinely realized how great we could be together. After that we just emitted flirtatious romantic vibes for a while. It was very cute, and only our most perceptive friends could tell that it was going on. Finally, during winter break, we had some time alone with each other. It was very quiet, but we didn't need to say very much anyway.
Then, what I loved was the possibilities of sharing something real. We got to a perfect stride of learning about and loving each other every day in the first month of our relationship. And now I love knowing that we can rely on each other for deep companionship and realness. He's become my best friend.
4) I remember writing to myself about my earliest feelings when I began falling for him. I wrote like I was assuming that we'd eventually get together, even that early on. I felt a very strong imminence, but still tried to rationalize it.

Answer 4 is the most pertinent to your quest. I think you're asking us because you want us to tell you what you already know. Which is why you're asking for case studies, without sharing your own or asking for advice. You'll do fine.

 

[problemz]

54, she's 38. I had many relationships and realized I was always settling for second best, and that I should stop doing that because when I'd get sick of the person, I'd just dump them. So I decided I would only go out with someone who was much better than me in every way, so even when I got sick of them, it wouldn't completely take. So I'm still with her 15 years later, and it's still perfect (not every day, or every moment, but the larger scheme is still working wonderfully. We have four kids.

It's still hard at times, but this time, it's worth it.

 

[sally]

1. How old are you?
26

2. How did you meet your partner?
When I was 17, I was picking my friend up from another high school because she was going downtown to work on a mural after school with her art class. She asked if he could have a ride too. When I saw him walking down the steps into my car, I immediately fell in love with him.

3. At which point did you start to feel something (for example, did you start relationship with feelings or that came later?)?
When we first met, we were both with other people, and over the years we always were with someone else; we worked a couple jobs together, I was with his best friend for a while. Then a couple years ago when we were both finally single, we began seeing each other more often. I bought a gift certificate in an auction benefiting a little girl with cancer knowing that I'd have to go to the record store where he was working to pick it up.... When I went to pick it up, he asked me about the restaurant, and I asked him to go with me--happened to be the week before Valentine's Day, and so that was our first date. He is the only person I've ever asked out, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done; I almost had a panic attack in the car before and after. It took nearly a month of constant fake-dates for him to admit he liked me, me him, and then we kissed...

4. Did you "know" (meaning: it felt good according to your Ni) that your (in that time future) partner is someone worth trying?
Every single time I saw him or interacted with him I remember; those times were so meaningful. I always knew.

 

[Relm]

1. How old are you?
28

2. How did you meet your partner?
online, gk2gk

3. At which point did you start to feel something (for example, did you start relationship with feelings or that came later?)?
I liked him from the first time we chatted and later our first in-person date. It wasn't until a few dates in that things really started to click. And it took years to get to the closeness/passion/love we have now.

4. Did you "know" (meaning: it felt good according to your Ni) that your (in that time future) partner is someone worth trying?
Yes, we were out to dinner. We were talking about movies actually, he asked me if I'd seen Sin City (a movie I absolutely HATED), when I met his gaze and said yes. He said "I'm sorry"... but it wasn't the words, it was in that moment that I felt him looking all the way into me -it's hard to explain. No one had ever reached me on such a deep level. It shook me in a way. (Then later, right before we kissed for the first time... I got this weird "overlay" in my vision of him down on one knee proposing (something that came to pass two years later.)

...happily living with him and married since. =)