Proper Care of Your INFJ | INFJ Forum

Proper Care of Your INFJ

Discussion in 'The INFJ Typology' started by VH, Nov 24, 2009.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 7 users.
More threads by VH
  1. VH

    VH Variable Hybrid

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2009
    Threads:
    252
    Messages:
    4,830
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    855
    Trophy Points:
    657
    MBTI:
    NFJedi
    Enneagram:
    268 sx/so
    This thread is for tips for those who have INFJs in their lives, but are not INFJs themselves. I've noticed that there are quite a few members here who are looking for this sort of advice, so this is the place to offer it - be the relationships romantic, friendly, professional, or otherwise.

    Here are my tips for the Proper Care of Your INFJ if you are in a romantic relationship with us.

    1. Your INFJ adores you more than they can express with words. Even if they don't tell you verbally, they will show you how they feel through their patience, kindness, and willingness to please you.

    2. Thank your INFJ with sincere hugs and kisses, and tell us you appreciate the things that we do for you. Just knowing that you're aware of it is reward enough to keep us overjoyed (and enthusiastically continuing to do all the things you love that we do for you).

    3. If an INFJ is in a romantic relationship with you, they consider you their number one priority in life. Your happiness and well being are the most important things in their lives.

    4. Your INFJ can sense your emotions even more acutely than if you were telling us with words. We can feel what you are feeling. Don't be alarmed by this as we will never use it against you. However, this means you can never lie to us. If you try, we will know, it will hurt our feelings badly that you did.

    5. We love it when you just walk up to us and hold us. No words. Nothing complicated. Just gently wrap your arms around us and focus on how you feel about us. We can feel it like it is pouring out of you and into us. Don't be alarmed if we cry when you do this.

    6. We love to listen. Don't be afraid to tell us what is on your mind, even if we didn't ask. We love you and respect your privacy, and don't like to pry.

    7. We also love it when you listen to us. Please ask us questions to show us that you care, and let us talk when you do. The more intently you are interested in how we feel and what we have to say, the more we will love you.



    8. Sometimes we need to recharge our minds, and will sit and stare blankly into space. This is perfectly normal, as your INFJ is rebooting their amazing mind. Systems will be online again shortly.

    9. We thrive in an environment with just you, and a few of our closest loved ones. The more opportunities you help us create for these kinds of environments, the happier we will be.

    10. We don't do well in crowds for extended periods. We will join you in them if that's where you want to go, but please be mindful of the duration of contact. INFJs may become unresponsive and even irritable when exposed to crowds for too long.

    11. While we are extremely affectionate with you, we're generally not interested in being affectionate with anyone else, and physical contact with strangers may unsettle your INFJ. It is best to keep strangers from attempting to pet your INFJ.

    12. Your INFJ accepts you for everything you are. However, INFJs can be especially eccentric. If you accept your INFJ's eccentricities and peculiar interests, this will greatly increase your INFJ's happiness.

    13. INFJs are otherwise very self sufficient low maintenance pets, and can be left to their own little worlds for extended periods. However, infrequent moments of affection are always appreciated.

    14. Always kiss your INFJ goodnight and tell them that you love them, even if you're not going to sleep when they do.

    15. Always cuddle with your INFJ when they wake up and greet their day with love.

    16. Your INFJ will have a reflex to help others. Do not be alarmed by this, as it does not in any way reflect on how your INFJ feels about you, or your relationship. It is simply our nature to help others - sometimes to a degree that makes the ones we love assume they are less of a priority. Nothing could be further from the truth.

    17. Your INFJ is a planner. Sometimes spontaneity leaves us in a position that we cannot plan how to best make you happy, and we find this upsetting. Please understand that we are never upset with you, only the situation.

    18. Your INFJ is very idealistic and principled. If you need us to go against our ideals or principles to make you happy, this can cause us a great deal of internal turmoil and tension. Please be mindful of our ideals and principles and avoid asking us to go against them.

    19. When an INFJ's ideals or principles are offended, we will pull away quickly. This may look very similar to our normal modes of being lost in our heads to the untrained eye, as we do not like to cause tension or disharmony. To best care for your INFJ, learn to spot this reaction and quickly make right whatever was wrong, even if it is simply an opinion. This will bring us back to the harmony we need to be our healthiest.

    20. No one will ever love you as much as your INFJ.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #1 VH, Nov 24, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2009
    Entyqua, Moxie and NeverAmI like this.
  2. Raccoon Love

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2009
    Threads:
    310
    Messages:
    5,413
    Likes Received:
    706
    Trophy Points:
    657
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    lmao, this is the perfect guide. This is basically more or less what my dream relationship would be.
     
  3. Gaze

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,388
    Messages:
    28,151
    Featured Threads:
    99
    Likes Received:
    21,901
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    INFPishy
    Nice list.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #3 Gaze, Nov 24, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2009
  4. AUM

    AUM The Romantic Scientist

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2009
    Threads:
    132
    Messages:
    2,838
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1,998
    Trophy Points:
    802
    MBTI:
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    I agree with all of them except 3 and 14 but overall it's a good guideline.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  5. sassafras

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2009
    Threads:
    172
    Messages:
    14,363
    Featured Threads:
    8
    Likes Received:
    43,978
    Trophy Points:
    2,376
    MBTI:
    .
    Awww

    ...

    But to be honest, as sweet and cuddly and true as this guide is, my personal impression is that a lot of this would tick me the heck off in application... Especially if the person hit every single one of these items on any given day.

    Getoffame. Let me take care of you!
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  6. OP
    VH

    VH Variable Hybrid

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2009
    Threads:
    252
    Messages:
    4,830
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    855
    Trophy Points:
    657
    MBTI:
    NFJedi
    Enneagram:
    268 sx/so
    Agreed. We are the caregiver, not the caretaker.

    Also, if any of it is forced, we can sense it a mile off, and insincerity is very unappealing to us.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  7. AUM

    AUM The Romantic Scientist

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2009
    Threads:
    132
    Messages:
    2,838
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1,998
    Trophy Points:
    802
    MBTI:
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    Sadly but true. :( So would an INFJ+INFJ relationship really work? Since both of us would try to take care of the other and we would be taken off by their attitude.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #7 AUM, Nov 24, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2009
  8. Wyote

    Wyote (#/-\[]$ ([]`/[]'|'[-
    Staff Member Administrator

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2008
    Threads:
    255
    Messages:
    39,357
    Featured Threads:
    19
    Likes Received:
    218,233
    Trophy Points:
    4,271
    Gender:
    Male
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    954 so/sx
    LMAO I said to myself "awwwww" while reading this, then I looked up at all the responses!

    Hehe

    Awww. And very accurate. Though like TDHT says, all at once would be annoying.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #8 Wyote, Nov 24, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2009
  9. NeverAmI

    NeverAmI Satisclassifaction
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2009
    Threads:
    197
    Messages:
    8,792
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    950
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    5w4
    It is perfect for me.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  10. sassafras

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2009
    Threads:
    172
    Messages:
    14,363
    Featured Threads:
    8
    Likes Received:
    43,978
    Trophy Points:
    2,376
    MBTI:
    .
    Damn straight. My bullshit meter is more sensitive than I am. And that's saying something.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  11. NeverAmI

    NeverAmI Satisclassifaction
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2009
    Threads:
    197
    Messages:
    8,792
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    950
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    5w4
    I really don't have any problem accepting affection. None of this would bother me in the least.

    It does bother me when someone really doesn't understand me though and I have to spell every little thing out.

    I don't see myself as needing to dish out more or less affection than my lover.

    Obviously this guide doesn't have to be held to a T 24/7 but if my lover came even close, I would be the happiest man in the world.

    I DO need my space like anyone else, if I want to spend an hour researching something, and I am not majorly neglecting anything, then I expect to be able to spend an hour of uninterrupted time. That is, until I have kids, then all that goes out the window. :p
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #11 NeverAmI, Nov 24, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2009
  12. mooseman

    mooseman Local Claviger
    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2009
    Threads:
    18
    Messages:
    880
    Likes Received:
    105
    Trophy Points:
    175
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    9-ish
    Spot on!! :-D

    I laughed my way through this. I will print it out and hand out to women I meet.
    Posted via Mobile Device
     
  13. Gaze

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,388
    Messages:
    28,151
    Featured Threads:
    99
    Likes Received:
    21,901
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    INFPishy
    This is interesting.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #13 Gaze, Nov 24, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2009
  14. sassafras

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2009
    Threads:
    172
    Messages:
    14,363
    Featured Threads:
    8
    Likes Received:
    43,978
    Trophy Points:
    2,376
    MBTI:
    .
    Well, according to VH's other post, the good news is that INFJ's come in a variety of flavours... which I 100% agree with.

    On a personal note, however, I think I wouldn't be able to be with another NF type. I need someone who can challenge me and whose edges I can soften. ENTP's and ENTJ's for me, please (although I definitely won't rule anyone out by type... just generally speaking, you know? :) )
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #14 sassafras, Nov 24, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2009
  15. Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
    Donor

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Threads:
    114
    Messages:
    2,720
    Likes Received:
    466
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ again
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    oww, my manual, I was wondering where I had left it? :D
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  16. NeverAmI

    NeverAmI Satisclassifaction
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2009
    Threads:
    197
    Messages:
    8,792
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    950
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    5w4

    LOLOL
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  17. OP
    VH

    VH Variable Hybrid

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2009
    Threads:
    252
    Messages:
    4,830
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    855
    Trophy Points:
    657
    MBTI:
    NFJedi
    Enneagram:
    268 sx/so
    Yes, actually. It works amazingly because we both understand our expectations for space and care giving, and happily slow our affections to a natural and sincere pace, and appreciate each other for them. It's really the best of both worlds. We give and receive, never overdoing it.

    My INFJ and I only ever had 3 'fights' in 7 years, and the 'fights' consisted of us getting mad and not talking for 10 to 30 minutes, and then calling each other (at the same time) to say that we loved each other far more than whatever it was we were fighting about, and nothing was worth risking losing what we had.

    The only time an INFJ + INFJ relationship encounters problems is when the two develop opposing ideals on any given issue that they both hold important. That can be a real locking of horns.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  18. youhemmein

    youhemmein awkward turtle
    Donor

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2009
    Threads:
    26
    Messages:
    2,660
    Likes Received:
    780
    Trophy Points:
    712
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Georgia
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    2w1
    Well...yeah.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  19. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2008
    Threads:
    280
    Messages:
    10,015
    Likes Received:
    540
    Trophy Points:
    755
    MBTI:
    INF
    Enneagram:
    messed up
    :m125:

    yes, I can see that! Great thread!

    that horn locking, also happens with INFJ/INTJ pairs...trust me...
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  20. enfp can be shy

    enfp can be shy people vs the bad people?
    Donor

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2009
    Threads:
    36
    Messages:
    2,538
    Likes Received:
    289
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    enfp
    Enneagram:
    -
    You people are so good, it almost seems impossible. Seriously, if I have never seen an INFJ like that with my own eyes, I would have said those are just fairy tales. And many people won't believe me when I tell them about actual INFJs I know (without mentioning MBTI in the talk), because of similar reasons. It's hard to imagine you being real.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Blind Bandit likes this.
Loading...

Share This Page