Process of falling in love | INFJ Forum

Process of falling in love

Jana

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Apr 18, 2009
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Ok...
Process of falling in love or any similar feeling (attraction or whatever)...
Can you recognise when it starts?
Can you stop it?
How that preocess can be explained?
Example, you meet someone and in one moment you feel that typical emotion "I am actually glade when I see you"...can you stop rolling stone or it is too late?
 
I am frightfully good at stopping that rolling stone...frightfully good. Romantic love does not happen in my world, but warm friendships do. I am grateful at least for that.
 
I am frightfully good at stopping that rolling stone...frightfully good. Romantic love does not happen in my world, but warm friendships do. I am grateful at least for that.


So, how do you step from the edge?
 
So, how do you step from the edge?
Well, I am older and the circumstances of life often come into play.

I work from a theory of "Second Thought." "First Thought" might be, "I am happy when I am around you." "Second Thought" is, "you are married," or "I observe that our lifestyles cannot possible co-exist," or "you are on total over-loaded right now taking care of your elderly mother, but I'll be your friend." "First Thought" considers one part of the picture. "Second Thought" considers the other parts. Then there is always "Third Thought" and "Fourth Thought"....did I mention I was frightfully good at this?????

The only antedote for this dismal situation (assuming the other person isn't married) is to get to know someone really, really well, and visa versa, but that seldom happens. If it does other factors seem to arise.

However, nowadays I tend to "not get the car before the horse" and focus on good friendships rather than relationships and that seems to yield quite good outcomes for all parties concerned.


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Jana, I do hope someone can come by and give you some real advise that is more helpful. :)
 
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Ok...
Process of falling in love or any similar feeling (attraction or whatever)...
- attraction
Can you recognise when it starts?
- Yes
Can you stop it?
- Nope, as hard as I try
How that preocess can be explained?
- instant feeling of involvement and attachment (which i know isn't healthy)

Not something i can stop. Usually stays for a long time even when I know that it's simply a case of projection, idealism, or too much expectation. It's weird. It feels as if the feelings control me rather than having any control over them.

__________________
 
Not something i can stop. Usually stays for a long time even when I know that it's simply a case of projection, idealism, or too much expectation. It's weird. It feels as if the feelings control me rather than having any control over them.

Even if I can control my behaviour little bit, I still have feeling that I am like those children in old tale when man with instrument came and statred to play and they all followed him.
I am always courious is obvious that I am atracted...
 
Even if I can control my behaviour little bit, I still have feeling that I am like those children in old tale when man with instrument came and statred to play and they all followed him.
I am always courious is obvious that I am atracted...

perfect analogy
 
And I hate that stupid look on my face: "Oh that's you...take my money..my time...whatever because right now I am powerless..."
 
And I hate that stupid look on my face: "Oh that's you...take my money..my time...whatever because right now I am powerless..."

yeah, it's a feeling of loving and hating all at once -loving the feeling but hating the powerlessness which comes with the attraction.
 
yeah, it's a feeling of loving and hating all at once -loving the feeling but hating the powerlessness which comes with the attraction.

Yes, that's why I asked if someone can stop it. Totally ambigvious state of mind. You like that rush of adrenalin, bit hate dependness
 
theres always time for love.
 
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This is interesting, because I have been actually thinking about this very question lately...

I have noticed that throughout my life, I have been extremely shy and hesitant to get involved with people. I might flirt, and then feel rather embarrassed about it, and happy at the same time, if that makes any sense? If I end up getting to know someone, I have a range of inward experiences. They are basically inicial attraction where I end up thinking along similar lines as what randomsomeone wrote, and then the point of no return, where I either commit myself to either giving it a try, or giving it up entirely. (where I end up creating an ideal beginning or ending for the situation).

When I have truly committed, it has still entailed a degree of repulsion at some point along the way. I can recall a moment during my last long term relationship, where he began to stay the night at my home, and I had some mixed feelings about it getting even that far. I remember looking at his face while he slept, and discovering all the silly little physical and character things that for whatever reason bothered me somehow, and I felt very stressed about the fact that I was actually committed to this person. I then remember thinking to myself, that I would just have to allow them to grow on me, as well as just ignoring the confusion that I felt, due to the fact that they had never bothered me previous to the commitment. After some time of just getting used to this new person in my life (and that took a great deal of time and effort on my introverted part), I found myself trying to fight feelings that were quite the opposite of the repulsion that I had previously gone through. I was fighting the "falling in love" part. That was (and generally is), more frightening to me than the fear of maybe not being able to fall in love.

At this point, then yes, I am doomed, completely devoted and also a child, following the old music man... Sigh...
 
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yeah, it's a feeling of loving and hating all at once -loving the feeling but hating the powerlessness which comes with the attraction.

If this ain't love....why does it feel so good...?:)
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syOK6zmpOe0"]YouTube - Spiller - Groovejet (If This Ain't Love) Official Video HQ[/ame]
 
I decided not to fall in love for a while. So far, it's worked like a charm :)

Can you recognise when it starts?
-Yes, it feels much stronger than my other emotions.
Can you stop it?
-Yes, I squash it away so I don't have to deal with it yet.
How that process can be explained?
-I don't think it can. It's not really a process, more of a 'firework' explosion type thing, but if you pour water on it as it's going off, it goes out. :)

I think the only reason it should be stopped, though, is if either you're not ready for it, or you know it would be unrequited or you could hurt someone (e.g. you love someone in a relationship).
 
-I don't think it can. It's not really a process, more of a 'firework' explosion type thing, but if you pour water on it as it's going off, it goes out. :)

:)
 
Love would have to be a process for me....I take time to get to know. I have met ladies who were all ready for the alter right away, and I knew full well they did not know me as well as they should. Things like this creeped me out a bit. Sure enough, they went off and were married within six months.

Love means a great deal to me, and I am a very loving person, but that very special kind of love would take some time to blossom. As lovely as the first fireworks can be, I have found these to be more illusory than anything else, but if it ever proves to be otherwise, why that'd be just super!
 
i love that song!

If this ain't love....why does it feel so good...?:)
great question! - - do i feel love for people or just fixate on them? i'm realizing that it's hard for me to love, cuz i feel so incompatible with most people. i know wht love is, cuz i feel it for my parents n family n friends...
n then comes along the same person i run into for the last 13 years, time n again...n we can't get along for crap but yet i fixate on him...is that love? if it is, I feel he's the one that stopped the process by stopping all the little pretend things in my head that i never shared
 
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Ok...
Process of falling in love or any similar feeling (attraction or whatever)...
Can you recognise when it starts?
Can you stop it?
How that preocess can be explained?
Example, you meet someone and in one moment you feel that typical emotion "I am actually glade when I see you"...can you stop rolling stone or it is too late?

Yes, I recognize it. No, I cannot stop it...no matter how hard I try. I usually fall and once I do, I fall hard. It sucks. By the time the feelings are reciprocated/rejected it is too late. I can't get people out of my head. I guess that would be my downfall.