Problem with online friend | INFJ Forum

Problem with online friend

Iridescence

Iridescence

Newbie
Apr 20, 2013
19
1
0
MBTI
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
I believe I have angered a online friend of mine who I suspect is an INFJ. I promised to send him my picture on Thursday, but I forgot about it, as I am quite busy with my studies and all (yes I know this isn't an excuse). So he brought up this issue and I told him that I could send it while we were chatting, so while i was sending the file he all of a sudden cancelled it (wtf? he said he wanted it). His explanation was and I guess it is fair was of me to act on what I said, he accused me of lying even when i explained my situation to him. Nevertheless conversation was strained after that, I could just feel his tension from my computer screen, and when I asked him to admit to being angry or tense he just closed up more. His anger to me was very reminiscent of the ones I experienced with ESFJS and ENFJ, thus im sure he has Fe .I really value this friendship I don't want to lose it.
 
If he cannot understand and has lived a perfect life where this has never happened to him, you're in real trouble. But, if he is a human with human frailties and makes mistakes, he may like it if your picture shows up like you promised, however late it is. If this doesn't work, send him lots of chocolate Turtles. Just kidding. May I say welcome and I'm confused with the avatar, but that is normal with me.
 
Fe would empathize with your situation. Fi is their sense of values that accused you of violating. I'd venture a guess that wasn't even the honest reason as to why they're upset.
 
o_q said:
The context is www.infjs.com
Click to expand...

If I believed what you said to be true, then I would have said so myself.

Because you chose to take those words out of context and make a broad, sweeping generalization out of them then I think that says a lot about yourself.

The context given did not present a coherent argument for a reaction based on an individual's preference for Fe. If you believe otherwise, then say so. If not, then do not speak for me or I will deliberately call you out for being a pretentious prick.
 
Matt3737 said:
If I believed what you said to be true, then I would have said so myself.
Click to expand...
What I hinting at was the common theme of the (some) INFJs (or those who believe they are) disliking I/E NFPs, or at least behaviors attributed to their top 2 functions (Fi Ne)

Because you chose to take those words out of context
Click to expand...
Given that you stated "Depends on context", the context was obviously in my right to propose.

and make a broad, sweeping generalization out of them then I think that says a lot about yourself.
Click to expand...
Perhaps you are confused about the difference between generalizing and providing a context.

The context given did not present a coherent argument for a reaction based on an individual's preference for Fe.
Click to expand...
If anything, it was an implication. Something you clearly wouldn't be able to derive a "coherent argument" from.
I would go as far to assert this (stated in my first response of this post), now that your obvious aversion of me has surfaced in the serious tone of your overreaction.

If not, then do not speak for me or I will deliberately call you out for being a pretentious prick.
Click to expand...
It's quite obvious that you perceive me a "pretentious prick" outside the scope of my two previous posts. Which reinforces my claim of your aversion. No one will attest that my last two posts are pretentious.

Good job on trying to turn around on me the shitty mindset of someone who thinks Fe is better than Fi.
 
Last edited:
o_q said:
Given that you stated "Depends on context", the context was obviously in my right to propose.
Click to expand...

The context was given by the OP and I was responding to the OP. Your initial response was based upon my own and took it out of context. It was not your proposal and any statement to the contrary is inherently and obviously false. Your proposal was to generalize and take my response out of context for your own intentions.

o_q said:
Perhaps you are confused about the difference between generalizing and providing a context.
Click to expand...

No, I'm pretty clear about the distinction.

o_q said:
If anything, it was an implication. Something you clearly wouldn't be able to derive a "coherent argument" from.
Click to expand...

Sure. I even went so far as to speculate that it seemed a disingenuous reaction from the OP's description, but that didn't stop you from putting words into my mouth now did it?
 
o_O has your friend ever done things as crazy as this before?

I guess if you want to keep them then try to show that you care and it'll pass sooner or later.
 
Well, I didnt mean to stir up tension in this thread(o_q and matt), I wasn't make bold statements about INFJs I was merely assuming he had preference for Fe based on my previous RL encounters with people who had a preference for it. Anyway, I think he expected, and this isn't wrong, to act on my words.
 
niffer said:
o_O has your friend ever done things as crazy as this before?

I guess if you want to keep them then try to show that you care and it'll pass sooner or later.
Click to expand...

Thanks for this advice I appreciate it very much and I'll defnitely follow it, I'll see how it goes :)
 
He became angry because from his perspective it appears you forgot about him. Which of course means you do not think he's special enough to remember to follow through on your promise of the picture.

He's afraid you do not think he's special.

We all want to feel "special" and valued for our selves....usually because we've been conditioned in our childhoods to not be ourselves. So when we find someone who appreciates our qualities and allows us to be ourselves - we hang on to them - we fall in love with them - we need them in our lives.

In my opinion - your friend has trust and anger issues and displayed passive aggressive behavior when he denied your picture to him.

What do you value about the relationship you have with him? What does the relationship do for you?

When you come up with the reasons - if appropriate - share these with him.
 
This is an extreme reaction over the circumstances. I don't think anyone just simply over-reacts about something like that unless there is something else underlying the issue. Like KGal said I think there is a trust issue there and also a vulnerability issue. I am not sure it has anything to do with how special he feels but more about the amount of emotional investment he's placed in the relationship and the expectations that he's placed on you because of how he feels about things and draws a comparison between what he is willing to do for you vs what you "failed" to do for him.
 
if you value the friendship then let it go and that person will either get over it or they won't.
although i've met some really cool people online - some i've been in close contact with for years, some i've even travelled to meet - i would never consider that the same as a person to person friendship.
i would not allow a person in my 'real life' to guilt me like that and i certainly wouldn't waste emotional energy on someone who has a snit over something so trivial, and then call me a liar... nope i wouldn't bother with it. i would let them work it out or not.
 
If he can't give you the benefit of the doubt this one time, I would be worried. If you are always doing things like that then I could understand why he'd be annoyed. But if this is the first time something like this has happened, I think he is over reacting.
 
I'm not sure if your situation is anything to do with type. It seems more like an overreaction on the part of your friend. I think the best solution would be to ask him why he's are so angry and explain it was a simple mistake.

He seems quite sensitive on this matter so I suggest you do it gently.
 
Well, if he doesn't trust you enough to believe that you were busy and forgot, then there is not much you can do. You can try to explain it to him, but there still might not be any way of getting around that mistrust.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back