Problem solving styles | INFJ Forum

Problem solving styles

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by slant, Jan 11, 2020.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 3 users.
More threads by slant
  1. slant

    slant Ruby Adoraboobie

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2008
    Threads:
    327
    Messages:
    9,809
    Featured Threads:
    37
    Likes Received:
    13,359
    Trophy Points:
    1,616
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    Infp
    Enneagram:
    6-4-9
    I wanted to talk about different problem solving styles I've seen, what style you use personally, and see if we can identify mbti functions associated with the different methods.


    Scenario: you decide to go to a friend with an emotional problem. One of three things tends to happen, sometimes a combination. The person:

    A)Listens and acknowledges what you're saying, often by relating similar things that have happened to them to show they understand

    B)Attempts to interpret the situation and figure out why what happened happened. Can sometimes involve casting blame on someone or something. Sometimes reframes a situation to offer a different interpretation.

    C)Attempts to solve the problem by providing solutions.



    Here's the thing. I grew up with a lot of method B and C combination. Mostly B, but sometimes C.

    I realized recently that I prefer method A. I resent when people try to solve my problems for me and I don't like trying to speculate on why what happened happened, especially when it comes to things with other people, because it's not helpful.

    For me, if I confide in a friend it's to let them know where I am at. I don't want them to solve my problem because they can't. I have to work through it all on my own and usually I've been through all of the thoughts they mention anyway. By the time I reach out to talk to someone it's because I've been ruminating for a long time on the issue and can't get myself out of it. I enjoy being distracted from my problem and it not being taken too seriously. My friend being there for me is enough to help me figure it out on my own. I prefer A. I only want to be listened to, related to, and then move on. It helps me feel like I'm not alone in the world.

    Because I was raised with b & c I slip into those patterns with people and I make friends with people who do those things. I'm starting to make my intentions more clear, "hey this is how I'm doing I don't need advice I just want to know if you relate". That's helpful. I don't mind B when the person just reframes my problem in a way I didn't think of, but I think unhealthy b turns into blame games and off the wall speculation with no validity behind it so I'm careful with it.

    C I hate. It's insulting to me. People give me ideas of solutions to the problem it's like, I need to figure it out on my own or it's not going to be the right answer. It's like questioning my competence or something. I need people to trust that I know how to run my own life. When people tell me what THEY did in a similar situation, that's fine. When they tell me what I should try to do, it just rubs me wrong. Not sure why.


    What methods do you use and prefer? Do you identify any other methods? Do you relate to my experiences, not understand them?

    If anyone with functions knowledge could let me know if any of these methods line up with a specific function that would be helpful. Thanks.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  2. Aneirin

    Aneirin AKA, David
    Donor

    Joined:
    May 29, 2011
    Threads:
    16
    Messages:
    5,149
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    20,761
    Trophy Points:
    1,481
    Location:
    home
    MBTI:
    infj
    Enneagram:
    type 4w5
    I solve my own problems. I suppose it's mostly because I haven't had anyone to turn to for help. .I have this pattern of getting in relationships and living the life of my partner. My issues were always irrelevant. If Id go to someone, it is as you said, I've been ruminating on it for a long time and just want to hear it out loud, not that I want feedback, I just want to give my solution air I guess.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  3. sassafras

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2009
    Threads:
    173
    Messages:
    14,466
    Featured Threads:
    8
    Likes Received:
    44,550
    Trophy Points:
    2,376
    MBTI:
    .
    I do a combination of all three: a, b and c, and I find it largely depends on the person or how the problem is presented. If I can't get a clear read on a person, I offer a blend of all three. If I can identify what they're after, I do my best to offer what they need. If its a friend that I care about, and/or our relationship allows it, I'll occasionally press on what I think is most suitable, but I always try to gauge it and match my delivery to the mood/individual. You can have all the best intentions and the right advice, but if you don't know how to communicate with the person, it ain't going to do squat.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Bellosome, JustPhil, Rit4lin and 3 others like this.
  4. OP
    slant

    slant Ruby Adoraboobie

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2008
    Threads:
    327
    Messages:
    9,809
    Featured Threads:
    37
    Likes Received:
    13,359
    Trophy Points:
    1,616
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    Infp
    Enneagram:
    6-4-9
    What do you prefer when you go to a friend? How do you want to be treated?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  5. Gaze

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,379
    Messages:
    28,225
    Featured Threads:
    93
    Likes Received:
    22,472
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    INFPishy
    Mostly A and B, if a close friend comes to me with a problem. A hopefully let's them feel they are not alone, but B allows me to help them see things with a different perspective if their way of thinking maybe be limiting their choices and options for how they could see it in a way that would be more beneficial. Funny enough, I did this tonight with a friend I've known for a long time. I did it because I know her well. I wouldn't do this without anyone else I didn't know well.

    But I had to offer to reframe her thought process so I could try to help her to see a different perspective because she has a way of thinking about a problem or issue that's making her stuck or frozen. She was seeing things in black and white, and not realizing there are other ways to view the situation. Unfortunately, she has trouble being open to seeing it differently because she just wants to feel justified in how she feels. I could see how it's affecting her at work and in other areas of her life, but she has a hard time seeing how her own thought processes are getting in her way.

    I do think she likes it better when I simply share my own experience, but I think she also uses this as an escape or excuse to seek validation and support for how she feels rather than try to rethink how she's reframing the situation. In that sense, it becomes enabling. And I kinda get tired when friends just want someone to listen but don't want to self reflect and help themselves. It's an unending confirmation bias.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #5 Gaze, Jan 12, 2020
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2020
    Bellosome, Rit4lin, JustPhil and 2 others like this.
  6. Rit4lin

    Rit4lin Community Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2020
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    498
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    4,711
    Trophy Points:
    1,202
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    England
    MBTI:
    INxx
    When people come to me for help I almost always go with A as my initial approach, only interceding when I want some more clarity or context to what they are saying - it gives me a better overview of the situation. Once I have that I then infer from it and reason as to why so and so happened, maybe they did x because of Y etc etc, asking more questions to get a better grip on who or what they may be talking about. Then I just ask rhetoricals and edge them towards what I see out of what's happening.. I've always found it important with those who entrust me to help them that rather than coddle them and just explain everything I make them (to an extent heheh) arrive at conclusions by themselves, to strengthen them for any later matters. My closest friends who I turn to only ever really in turn give me the approach of A because they understand now that I rarely need an explanation or clarity on whatevers bothering me because I can see it for myself, they're just there for me to rant to:)
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  7. sassafras

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2009
    Threads:
    173
    Messages:
    14,466
    Featured Threads:
    8
    Likes Received:
    44,550
    Trophy Points:
    2,376
    MBTI:
    .
    I'm not really the type of person to rant and rave and bother people if I'm just wanting someone to tell me 'there, there.' If I'm actually buckling down and talking to someone about a problem, it usually means I am looking for a different perspective because I've thought myself into a corner. And if I'm turning to someone to help, that in itself means that I trust that person implicitly and I'm willing to listen to whatever it is the prescribe. In most cases, it's the B approach I'm after. With some people though, like my brother, I actually prefer C approach because I know they know what they're talking about and they've tried it themselves.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Hostarius, Gaze, Bellosome and 2 others like this.
  8. OP
    slant

    slant Ruby Adoraboobie

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2008
    Threads:
    327
    Messages:
    9,809
    Featured Threads:
    37
    Likes Received:
    13,359
    Trophy Points:
    1,616
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    Infp
    Enneagram:
    6-4-9
    What makes you think you bother people?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Hostarius and Aneirin like this.
  9. Bellosome

    Donor

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2016
    Threads:
    41
    Messages:
    2,473
    Featured Threads:
    8
    Likes Received:
    11,825
    Trophy Points:
    1,871
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Earth
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    I think it depends on which friend to me. Generally speaking I mostly use A. I'm a venting machine to most people. I only use the A & B if I'm close to the person or if I know they're open to other perspectives. I ask excessively to get a better understanding on how and why things had happened. Sort of like brainstorming but with them venting more while I give support. C only comes to play if they asked, as I feel like I am not entitled to give an opinion when they only went to me for support and release a burden. It is, their life after all.

    Personally, I prefer B. I rarely vent to anyone. If I did, it's just a minuscule of what the problem is. For the most part I solve it myself.. i only talk about it to someone if I need another perspective and to check if my solution is the best I could do. And to see if my decision/solution is an unbiased one (referring to self). I mostly go to my Thinker friends for this. Maybe it's also with a dash of A for validation that I'm not doing a wrong thing and that won't make me a horrible person for my decisions/solution. Lol
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  10. sassafras

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2009
    Threads:
    173
    Messages:
    14,466
    Featured Threads:
    8
    Likes Received:
    44,550
    Trophy Points:
    2,376
    MBTI:
    .
    Perhaps 'bother' is the wrong word. I don't want to engage someone when its a problem I can solve on my own. People lead very busy lives these days.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Hostarius, Gaze, Bellosome and 2 others like this.
Loading...

Share This Page