Please help with INTP man with screwy Fe, referred here by the INTPs

Hello INFJs, I am an INTJ and I have a lot of respect for you all because my best friend is INFJ and you all share the Ni function, which is wonderful isn't it?

Alright, I already posted a version of this on the INTP forum and they came to several conclusions about it but strongly suggested that an INFJ analysis would be a good thing. So here I am. Watch out, it's long.

A year ago I fell in love with an INTP man, we're both 22 years old.



I had several relationships earlier in life, he has dated several people before too. His previous relationships have all been short and unhappy but he had trouble ending them. His girlfriends tend to be pretty shallow and vapid. His last girlfriend is definitely an ESFJ. They were super incompatible on everything. When I first met him and, during the first 7 months of our friendship, they were still dating. Their relationship ended after 8 or 9 months though they were only in the same country for 3 months of that time.

He and I first met in a foreign country where we were both studying. Initially I despised him. He seemed to me to be very immature, irresponsible, and awkwardly flirtatious with every woman but me. However, we began to develop a friendship that I did not rationally see as going anywhere, although my Ni was strongly indicating that he would be important in my life. At times I would feel jealous, which was strange since I disliked him so much. To my dismay, soon our professors, friends, and various other people we knew began to indicate that they had suspicions that we were dating or should date, or outright began calling us a couple.

However, after several months, things changed dramatically when I had a close relative pass away. Not having enough money for a plane ticket, I was unable to return home. I was very upset by this but did not feel comfortable expressing my emotion. Later I suddenly broke down and became very upset. I would have expected him to avoid the situation but instead he held me for four hours while I cried, got a box of tissues and wiped my nose and eyes for four hours, ran across campus to get me a glass of water to drink, found an international phone that I could use to call my family for free, and made me watch ridiculous youtube videos to make me laugh. After that we began to grow a lot closer. I saw that I had clearly analyzed him incorrectly and retracted my initial judgement.

I was still adamant that we were just friends but we began to grow close. We had many very similar interests and intellectual pursuits. He would often listen to me play the piano for hours. We took ballroom dancing classes together. At this point he also began to confide in me that he was unhappy in his current relationship.

By the time that we returned to our home country I was becoming aware that I liked him although I was reluctant to admit this to myself because he had a girlfriend. We were living very close to one another at University. He would often come to visit me, usually every day or every other day for at least an hour but often more than that. He began to come by very frequently. My roommate was also friends with him but she would constantly laugh about the fact that whenever he came by and I was not there he would leave immediately.

 

You all make some really good points and have some really good advice. The funny thing, and you all seem to be onto this, is that even though I am sure he is INTP, he acts out of his Fe. This means he is unable to control his actions because he can't control his Fe (which is immature and very unstable) and has heavily suppressing his Ti, but he has almost brainwashed himself into thinking this is normal. I think he has no idea why he does what he does. Were this a normal well-developed INTP he would see me as a perfect match (which I think he does on a subconscious level, behavioral evidence) but because he is a very poorly-developed INTP he is seeing me as a threat instead. Maybe years down the road there would be hope in it but, for now, I guess it is probably wise to completely dissociate any romantic feelings from him, as much as it will hurt.