Please give me advice..... | INFJ Forum

Please give me advice.....

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Skrimpshidy, Feb 3, 2019.

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  1. Skrimpshidy

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    Okay....I'm not asking how to get my ex back. No one can tell me that at all. Not even sure if I want to.....though..... anyway. Long winded as usual. I apologise.

    With the realization of my personality type. (INFP) Which, as I see it, just the basic beginning of what makes up a human personality, and everyone is different.....I would very much appreciate any answers or insight anyone here can give me.

    So, My ex wanted to remain friends and to not have any bad feelings towards me and stated she'll always care about me. This feels very much fortunate. That's not something that she's ever done for anyone else. I feel pretty special and am thankful! I know exactly what happened to cause the break and am actively doing what I can to Change and prove myself. However.....I I feels like I'm letting my emotions get the better of me. Still probably expecting too much too soon at this point. Patience is wearing a little thin. I can't help but feel some sort of invalidation and I know it's really just me.

    So, here's some things I wonder.

    I'm hyper sensitive. Sometimes I say things eluding to how I feel. When I do, it's next to impossible for me to phrase everything correctly. And pretty sure, whatever was not said by her that I think someone who cares would say isn't intentional. My ignorant ass leaves everything open and vague to give her a chance to react in the way I hope she would to show she cares. When it doesn't happen, I end up saying another thing. Then she feels like she failed when she didn't. I wasn't direct enough.

    An example. I make a sculpture that represents how I feel. Then show it. She says it's cool, or interesting. I say it has meaning. She doesn't ask what the meaning is. Then I feel hurt like she doesn't care. Instead of just explaining the meaning before hand. Seems to me an INFJ may not ask what the meaning is because maybe they feel it I wanted them to know I would tell them?

    How would an INFJ like me to express my feelings? How can I say what I feel about something without making her feel like I'm attacking?( I've only ever expressed being disappointed or hurt twice. Each time I was told that I was not picking.) I don't want to make anyone feel like I'm attacking. Whatever she needs I'll be accommodating completely.

    I'm not so sure what I'm saying is clear. That's another problem for another day.

    I just want to be able to communicate in a way an INFJ type will understand, not feel attacked. Any ideas.

    I apologise for pirating in your forum. This just seems a fortuitous chance happening that I can drastically improve communication and understanding.

    Thank you in advance!
     
  2. Pin

    Pin Commander-in Chief / Ren's Counterpart

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    It's better for us both if we wait for some INFJs to get here.

    [​IMG]

    With that said, I'd just advise you more often to think before you speak.
     
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  3. OP
    Skrimpshidy

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    This really made me laugh! The dripping with irony! I love it!
     
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  4. Pin

    Pin Commander-in Chief / Ren's Counterpart

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    I'm glad I could put you in a good mood. After all, laughter is free.
     
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  5. Pin

    Pin Commander-in Chief / Ren's Counterpart

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    Seriously though, you'd think that on an INFJ forum an INFJ would post in a thread before I finished a meal and a cup of tea.

    Slow as molasses ya'll.
     
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  6. Wyote

    Wyote Con Risa Absoluta
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    Most of your issue has nothing to do with mbti and is just communication skills.

    You can't set people up as though they are mind readers. No matter how "connected" you feel to them, they are not.

    Be direct and honest. It's scary and difficult but the more you do it the better you'll be understood. Grit your teeth and hold onto your butt (figuratively) when you need to communicate some difficult honesty. It will be fine.

    And don't be an all accommodating pushover. If something doesn't sit right you've got to say so.
     
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  7. Pin

    Pin Commander-in Chief / Ren's Counterpart

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    There it goes.
     
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  8. Wyote

    Wyote Con Risa Absoluta
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    Thank you for initiating first contact, commander
     
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  9. Pin

    Pin Commander-in Chief / Ren's Counterpart

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  10. OP
    Skrimpshidy

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    Great point! Thank you!

    By all accommodating, I mean, what ever the best way to communicate and what she needs. For me, I really am just go with the flow. So, like, if she needs structure or more planning or just a certain way of communication etc...It It good for me. If I have been craving pizza then she wants to get Indian....hell, I like Indian too! I'll get pizza later.
     
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  11. OP
    Skrimpshidy

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    That's another thing I'm adjusting to....
     
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  12. Wyote

    Wyote Con Risa Absoluta
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  13. JennyDaniella

    JennyDaniella Stargazer

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    Hey nowww... greatness takes time.... :m049:

    We are like a majestic flower...waiting for that perfect time to bloom early in a nice summer's day....

    Or like a pizza waiting to get that golden brown look and the cheese all nice and gooey, and yummy, and scrumptious, and stretchy, and amazing, and all things nice.

    Pfffttttt...... ENTJs... smh.
     
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  14. OP
    Skrimpshidy

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    Yes!!!!! LMAO!!!!

    Btw! I was thinking about what you said. You're absolutely correct!

    After going over every single conversation and frustrating moment in that relationship and all the others. Almost all of my hurt feelers were completely caused by myself!

    I was really hurting bad and confused as hell too! This is the first time I actually don't. It's pretty damn clear now.

    I really appreciate your honesty. Thank you! Now I know what to work on.
     
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  15. Pin

    Pin Commander-in Chief / Ren's Counterpart

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    Oh Jenny- you promise greatness.

    [​IMG]
     
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    #15 Pin, Feb 3, 2019
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2019
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