Only one relationship

[not sure]

For a long while now, this idea has been bouncing around in my head but I can't seem to make it fully formed. This is an idea that could be comfortable in this thread or the Relationships and Dating Forum if that's what it's called.

There is only one relationship. The relationship between self and other. The distinctions we make between our relationships with family, friends, neighbours, significant others, enemies etc. are only artificial categories we've created in our minds.

If perfect love is desirable then the way we act towards each other should be the same regardless of what category others fall in. Of course, there will be differences in intimacy but that's not my focus. I'm thinking that instead of spending our time trying to deepen our various relationships maybe what we should be doing is trying to act with perfect love all the time to everyone not making any distinction about who they are. The focus being on our actions not on others. I think the distinctions are the trap. Distinctions lead to a desire of ownership and ownership isn't love. It could be greed, vanity, a host of things but it's definitely not love.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:1-13)

Any opinions?

 

[Kgal]

I agree.

There is only one relationship. The relationship between self and other. The distinctions we make between our relationships with family, friends, neighbours, significant others, enemies etc. are only artificial categories we've created in our minds.

Judgment. We are judging the value or worth of people in our lives based upon societal constructs. The list is endless.

Unconditional friendliness or Unconditional love. This is the place from where I attempt to act towards others - not matter who they are. Note I said the word "attempt". Due to my own conditioning and hidden motivations I don't always achieve an egalitarian response to others. But I try.

I equate the Unconditional Love with your Perfect Love.

Since I've begun practicing gratefulness and mindfulness, with specific focus on those whom I've had huge attachments, I have begun to let go of the desires, the greed, the idea of ownership, and am seeing them with new light and perspective.

Low and behold - people are people first, then they are my friends, family, lovers, and enemies.
I have attained more peace in my life and am grateful for my practice. [ha...no pun intended ]

 

[the]

So are you basically just rephrasing this Bible passage? If so then I agree.

 

[not sure]

So are you basically just rephrasing this Bible passage? If so then I agree.

Yes. It's a rephrasing. I think we tend to look at the issue from the wrong direction and so get into the trap that love for our neighbour is different from love for our family. Love goes beyond affection and duty. Love recognizes that there is no significant difference between you and I, although we are separate we are interconnected. It's the reason that we should not judge. Of course, we say this is not good or this is not bad but because of love we should not condemn. We all are frail and in need of forgiveness.

Since I've begun practicing gratefulness and mindfulness, with specific focus on those whom I've had huge attachments, I have begun to let go of the desires, the greed, the idea of ownership, and am seeing them with new light and perspective.

Low and behold - people are people first, then they are my friends, family, lovers, and enemies.
I have attained more peace in my life and am grateful for my practice. [ha...no pun intended ]

I agree with bolded part strongly and also say that if we detect this idea of ownership in ourselves then perhaps we should question if what we feel towards others is truly love. Ownership being distinct from the desire to protect since to protect is to love.


P.S. In case by starting this thread I seem the hypocrite, let me say that I recognize my many many flaws.

 

[randomsomeone]

what we should be doing is trying to act with perfect love all the time to everyone not making any distinction about who they are.

I agree with this completely.

I think the distinctions are the trap.

Some can be, yes....but perhaps some distinctions can be allowed for. As the Didache says, "You shall not hate anyone, but some you shall reprove, some you shall pray for, and some you shall love more than the breath of life that is in you." Or, as St. Francis of Assisi said, "Love your neighbor as you love yourself...but if you cannot love your neighbor as yourself at least don't do them any harm."

 

[not sure]

I really like both of those quotes, [MENTION=1098]randomsomeone[/MENTION].

 

[rawr]

well said and fairly accurate, I think.

 

[Barnabas]

I agree with you, but I think the verse your using doesn't reflect what your saying. That verse in Corinthians is stating that it matters not it you can do or how great you appear unless you have love.

Mark 13:31- The second is this, "Love your neighbor as yourself"

&

Matthew 12-50- [SUP]46[/SUP] While He was still speaking to the crowds, behold, His mother and brothers were standing outside, seeking to speak to Him. [SUP]47[/SUP] Someone said to Him,

 

[not sure]

I agree with you, but I think the verse your using doesn't reflect what your saying. That verse in Corinthians is stating that it matters not it you can do or how great you appear unless you have love.

&


These verses help us recognize that love dose not differentiate between Mom and Pop, Brother or Sister, or neighbor or lover.

Thanks your verses do support the argument well. The verses I selected were my inspiration. My argument arises from experience and not scripture. I often see the Corinthians verses used to demonstrate the love between God and his Creation and the ideal between a couple. However, it seems to me that this is the love we should share everyday with everyone. Somehow the tendency is to see our neighbour as less than ourselves or as an extension of ourselves, not being fully a person. I'm probably not explaining myself well here but it seems essential that how we view others must change fundamentally before we can even begin to practice the love spoken of in Corinthians.

 

[Kgal]

Yes. It's a rephrasing. I think we tend to look at the issue from the wrong direction and so get into the trap that love for our neighbour is different from love for our family. Love goes beyond affection and duty. Love recognizes that there is no significant difference between you and I, although we are separate we are interconnected. It's the reason that we should not judge. Of course, we say this is not good or this is not bad but because of love we should not condemn. We all are frail and in need of forgiveness.




I agree with bolded part strongly and also say that if we detect this idea of ownership in ourselves then perhaps we should question if what we feel towards others is truly love. Ownership being distinct from the desire to protect since to protect is to love.


P.S. In case by starting this thread I seem the hypocrite, let me say that I recognize my many many flaws.

Well now that you mention it - I am indeed struggling with what Love means to me. My definition has changed - expanded - morphed? Into what I do not know exactly. But I can say my "feeling" of love in my heart for others has greatly increased to include many, many now.

As @ransomsomeone posted: "Love your neighbor as you love yourself...but if you cannot love your neighbor as yourself at least don't do them any harm."

This is a great quote to live by.

Ironically many people do not truly love themselves. So the "do no harm" part is easier to manage.

By the way, I do not know why you think you may be seen as a hypocrite, but I for one did not think you were.
Who am I to judge you?

 

[grt$5vb]

Yes. I got the same message from the Tao & the Love Dare. I love you [MENTION=3710]kiu[/MENTION].

 

[not sure]

By the way, I do not know why you think you may be seen as a hypocrite, but I for one did not think you were.
Who am I to judge you?

Sometimes, I include lines in my posts that only serve the purpose of relieving myself of circuitous or nagging thoughts.

 

[just me]

The very next verse reads, "Follow after charity(love), and desire spiritual gifts, but rather that ye may prophesy." just for the record

Love is the fulfilling of the law.

quote"I think the distinctions are the trap. Distinctions lead to a desire of ownership and ownership isn't love. It could be greed, vanity, a host of things but it's definitely not love." unquote
If we walk in true love, we do not seek a desire of ownership at all. We can still distinguish between a Mother, a wife, a friend, and God without ownership of any kind.