On the edge of madness | INFJ Forum

On the edge of madness

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Skoffin, Mar 3, 2010.

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  1. Skoffin

    Skoffin <font color=#00EE99>She Whose Name We Do Not Speak

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    I moved about a month ago and have run into a few predicaments since then, the one I'll speak of for now is that I've had very little alone time since moving here.
    I do enjoy human interaction and need people around me, but there is only so much I can bare before I need some time to be on my own and recharge. All I need is a few hours at least every once in a while to do things on my own, otherwise I get unhappier and crankier as time wears on. This is the first time in three weeks I've had the time to be alone and it's driven me mad. The more time it takes for me to get some time to myself the more I'll start to resent the people around me.
    Trouble is getting the time to be alone, if I'm in the living room a flatmate might be in there too or my boyfriend will be with me. Now I do like spending time with my boyfriend and doing things with him, but I still need time away even from him. But I'm not sure how to express this to him as he tends to take things a bit personally and might think it's just me not wanting to spend time with him.
    I should get this resolved soon but I'm not quite sure how to go about it. :m133:



     
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  2. Krumplenump

    Krumplenump Community Member

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    Heh, I'm like the opposite, love time to myself but there's only so much I can bare before I need to be with other ppl for a bit to 'recharge' my motivation.

    If you have a car, take a trip on a sunny day with good music and plenty of food. Go somewhere nice, or just for the drive, but either way, enjoy it.
     
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  3. OP
    Skoffin

    Skoffin <font color=#00EE99>She Whose Name We Do Not Speak

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    I don't have a car and to be honest I haven't really felt inspired to go out around here. But if I were to do so there would still be the problem of telling my boyfriend I'd rather go out alone.
     
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  4. Krumplenump

    Krumplenump Community Member

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    Well the idea is not to cruise around your immediate vicinity, it's to put some miles between you and your centre of routine. But since you don't have a car, hm! I guess you could get a bus and tell your boyfriend you had to go see your mother or something equally unconvincing.

    Or rent a car, I hear it's pretty affordable in the US.
     
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  5. OP
    Skoffin

    Skoffin <font color=#00EE99>She Whose Name We Do Not Speak

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    Erm... this is where I be a pain with your trying to be helpful, I moved country so I have no family or any sort of reason I could give as to why I must go alone somewhere really.
    I also have no license
    :m190:
     
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  6. testing

    On Holiday

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    Poor baby! That sounds awful.
    I develop an unreasonable fondness for hot baths and lock myself in the bathroom. For a long time.

    Also, if I tell my husband and kids I want to go fabric shopping at a crafts store and then do some antiquing, they usually bolt like rats from a sinking ship and I get the afternoon to myself. :-D
     
  7. Krumplenump

    Krumplenump Community Member

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    Hmm, conundrum. Well, jump on your bike with a basket of food - after telling your boyfriend you're off to get some fresh air - and have a jolly good cycle after which you'll have an appetite and a half which is where the food comes in.

    Spontaneity is sometimes great :)

    Edit: Which country?
     
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    #7 Krumplenump, Mar 3, 2010
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2010
  8. Siamese cat

    Siamese cat Madame Cat strikes again

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    I think that not telling him could make bigger issue of it than telling him. I had this problem with my boyfriend and after that big talk everything is much better. Not telling him something that is essential to you is like withholding part of yourself, and although I could agree that partners shouldn't know everything about each other this part of your personality could affect your relationship if not explained to him. I don't know how long you two are together, but my advice is to tell him.

    But to be completely honest with you, you should be prepared that how things progress (having a job, starting a family and such) there will be less and less space for you to be completely alone, so I suggest you find some kind of compromise. In time I learned to share a space with my boyfriend but to do my thing while he does his, and that way I have time for myself and he can be around and not feel left out. We have an understanding what will irritate the other one (loud music etc) so we don't do that kind of stuff if someone needs time to recharge.
     
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  9. Siamese cat

    Siamese cat Madame Cat strikes again

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    Hmmm, interesting advice, haven't thought of that. Very helpful indeed. Thank you. :)
     
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    Skoffin

    Skoffin <font color=#00EE99>She Whose Name We Do Not Speak

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    England.
    I'm still adjusting to how to 'not freeze' here after moving to and English winter from an Australian summer :tongue1: So I'm not really all that keen to do much outdoor activity just yet.


    Yeah, I wouldn't mind us being in the same room but doing different things, but as it stands it seems like we have to do practically everything together and it's getting a bit much.
    I know I should tell him at some point, I'm just not sure how to approach the subject with him.
     
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  11. Krumplenump

    Krumplenump Community Member

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    Quite a change! This winter's meant to be a bit of a freezer too. May you adjust fast :p
     
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  12. OP
    Skoffin

    Skoffin <font color=#00EE99>She Whose Name We Do Not Speak

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    Yeah, about a 40c change when I first got here. XD
     
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  13. Simonmagus

    Simonmagus Newbie

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    It's a hard one and I've been there myself. Some thoughts:

    1) Explain it to your boyfriend. If he can't deal with it then he's not right for you anyway. My wife know very well by now that I need my "quiet time" and doesn't resent it at all.
    2) Long walks or bike rides. Cycling is good because people can come with if they want but can't talk to you without smashing into street signs and parked cars. The English winter is just about over now, don't despair (I moved the other way from UK to Oz!)
    3) Libraries especially university libraries are good. No taking allowed. Libraries are full of Introvert refugees.
    4) Take up meditation, and retire to your room for a half-hour of concentrated quiet-time once a day or so. You will need to explain to your mates what you are doing, but people are usually cool about it (in fact often a bit impressed / envious)
     
  14. Feelings

    Banned

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    This one time, I attended this thing for new business school students where we would spend 2 nights and 2 days together with our fellow students. We had hotel rooms too, 4 people to a room. Anyhow, after 2 days, during lunch I just walked off from everyone and stood maybe 50 ft away until lunch was over. I didn't understand personality stuff at that time; I just felt the need to be by myself.

    Also, they gave us these T-shirts that they made us wear for 2 days. Ewwww..... gotta wash that shit after 1 day.
     
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