Need help getting to know a girl. | INFJ Forum

Need help getting to know a girl.

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Jdoyle373, Sep 26, 2012.

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  1. Jdoyle373

    Jdoyle373 Lucky

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    I just started to like a girl in my English class. Every time I go to class I am thrilled just to see her. The only problem is that I have never been in a relationship and have talked to her once. People see me as shy and don't talk to me much. I really like her but just can't find out what I Gould do to get and know her. Please give me advice! What should I do to get to know her better and when do I ask her out?
     
    #1 Jdoyle373, Sep 26, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2012
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  2. moonlightam

    moonlightam I like Nickleback

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    I wish I could help, but the dating customs over the pond are strange to me, I cant say I understand them, sorry :) One thing I can tell you for sure though, in any case, you will have to step over your shyness :)
     
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  3. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    Talk to her and see how it goes before asking her out.
    I know it seems scary, but it can get easier with practice. Do you sit anywhere near her, or have a chance to speak with her at all? If so, maybe just something like "Hey, how's it going?" or "Hey, how was you weekend?" to start with. Don't be afraid to smile if she says something funny or something worthy of a smile, and if you're not sure how to respond, sometimes a "Yeah, me too." can do wonders unless you genuinely disagree, then somethin like "yeah, for sure" can be a fine response. How about a simple interaction like that? If she sounds friendly, the next time after that you can smile and just say "hey" or "hi". The time after that, maybe she'll initiate conversation or maybe you can ask her a simple question again (if you guys seem friendly toward one another). Just take it step by step, and try to remain calm and at-ease. Friendly and interested but relaxed (i.e. not an interrogation) can work wonders. Good luck! :)
     
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  4. OP
    Jdoyle373

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    I sit near her and always seem to have the opportunity. Just getting over my shyness always seems to be a major factor . Any tips on how to overcome it?
     
  5. moonlightam

    moonlightam I like Nickleback

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    You made me remember my first love lol :) I remember how it felt when he was anywhere near me :) I stepped over my shyness for long enough by pre-convincing myself that it was no big deal to just go and talk to him :) After I broke the ice, he was the one talking to me all the time, god, I couldnt shut him up :D
     
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  6. moonlightam

    moonlightam I like Nickleback

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    P.S. steady deep breaths should keep your heart rate down :)
     
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  7. OP
    Jdoyle373

    Jdoyle373 Lucky

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    I think I am so afraid of rejection that I have a hard time telling my self to do it. For me just the thought of rejection is terrifying.
     
  8. moonlightam

    moonlightam I like Nickleback

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    I used to be like this too, but you should really only worry about rejection when it actually happens, any overthinking about it beforehand is just gonna bring you down without any reason whatsoever. If you want some more assurance, try seeking eye-contact with her and smile a little - if she smiles back, chances of rejection would be extremely minimal.
     
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  9. OP
    Jdoyle373

    Jdoyle373 Lucky

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    I will definitely try that. I also have religion with her but she is on the opposite side of the room. Would it be seen as strange if I engaged in conversation before class.(basically would it be weird if I crossed the room to talk to her)
     
  10. the

    the Si master race.
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    Well those aren't problems you listed. Those are excuses.

    Step 1 go talk to her

    step 2??????

    step 3 profit!
     
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  11. Rferraris

    Rferraris Community Member

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    Alcohol works.
    She's a person.
    Maybe it's an age thing. I guess I remember being shy. Not really.
    Just talk to her. Stop worrying if you're impressive or sounding stupid. Just talk and maybe she'll talk back. If not, find another girl. There's a lot of them.
     
  12. OP
    Jdoyle373

    Jdoyle373 Lucky

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    I see your point and have to agree. It's just a matter of doing it. Does anyone have suggestions on what I should try and talk to her about.
     
  13. Sloe Djinn

    Sloe Djinn Idiot with Internet Access.

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    Are there any group assignments in the classes you share? If so, see if she wants to work on one of them together.
     
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  14. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    Dude, he's is 17 and in high school.

    Also, to anyone reading this, try it without alcohol. It's possibly to overcome shyness, and feels much better when you can spontaneously engage in conversation with people without being dependent on a drug. This comes from one formerly extremely shy person to another. Don't bother with alcohol. No offense to you, Rfeffaris, but imho it's a terrible idea.
     
  15. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    I understand feeling afraid, but try to answer this question: What's the worst thing that could happen if you say hello and she's uninterested? It's not like you're asking her out, it's not like she knows how you really feel, right? Besides, most people tend to be flattered to have someone show interest in them. It's a compliment to be desired, and as long as you play it cool and are friendly + relaxed, she will probably reciprocate.

    Also, what's good to keep in mind is that her response to you is not a measure of how awesome you are as a person. It's just a measure of your potential compatibility or her ability or inability to sense that compatibility. If she's not interested, all that means is that another cool girl will be. Remember that no one else decides your worth or your likeability; that will come from yourself, and the more confident you feel about yourself the more likely it is that you will be successful with girls (and generally in life). Good luck! :)
     
  16. Shaqie

    Shaqie The Grandmaster in Disguise

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    I used to be like you dude, so I can relate to you quite well.
    This eventually changed for me, since I really wanted to change this habit of missing the opportunity to talk to any girl I like. Here are my advices:

    1. Be confident, try not to care if she says no to you, because she will say yes (picture it in your mind)
    2. Relax, INFJ's in particular are really good at, well ... flirting ... if they want to, problem is they are usually too nervous. Function-wise you have the ability to feel her and intuitively know what to do afterwords. Trust me I know what I am saying.
    3. YOU ARE AWESOME, AND YOU KNOW IT (DO NOT DOUBT IT, EVER)
    4. Get going ...
     
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  17. OP
    Jdoyle373

    Jdoyle373 Lucky

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    Occasionally there are I will try that thanks.
     
  18. Billy

    Billy Contents Under Pressure
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    LIsten to her talk to her friends and see if she likes any of the same stuff you do, and if she does, talk about that. Dont ask her out for a while, at least until she knows you well enough to feel safe around you. And even then, dont do the high pressure approach, girls are notoriously stupid in your age group, just remember that.
     
  19. CindyLou

    CindyLou Get over it

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    I think he was kidding but I couldn't agree more with this post.

    You could wake up @ 30 or 40 and realize you used it as a crutch, but you'll be tired of drinking. It's best to face most difficult things sober.
     
  20. the

    the Si master race.
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    If you take our advice, you are talking about things we like, not things she or you like.
     
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