My story of discovering who I really am (new INFJ at duty !) | INFJ Forum

My story of discovering who I really am (new INFJ at duty !)

Ezey

Two
Nov 25, 2013
2
1
0
MBTI
INFJ
My INFJ story
Hello fellow INFJ's ! Well I've been browsing these kind of forums for some time and reading the stories of INFJ's. So I decided to write my personal story of discovering who I really am and how it helped me. It might be a longer post so be prepared !
Some small introduction, I am 23 years old male living in Europe (small country in the middle of Europe) and I am currently in the last year of College (master degree- economy). But I will drop it as my priorities have changed and I want to do something else. So that is a little introduction and well let the story begin.

I would like to start from the childhood. I had pretty much good childhood, full of joy, childhood play and love. When I was a kid I remember I was able to play with toys for like 2 or even 3 hours without a break ! I was creating a scenarios in my mind and day dream about them while playing. I enjoyed it so much and I liked to play mostly alone because I had a feeling that other kids do not understand how I want to play. My imagination was and is limitless. Sometimes, I also liked to play with my lovely little sister. During this time I was happy and unaware of what will be the problem in the future. I had my friends so I just enjoyed the awesome childhood years. And I can't say that I was quiet kid but I wasn't also this hyperactive crazy kid. I was just normal or I thought so...

As the years passed by and the high school started I realized, I am somehow different from the others. As probably most of the INFJ's, I did not enjoy high school at all. I just couldn't enjoy the presence of my classmates, or most of them, but I tried. I wasn't socially active at all and that made me really sad. On contrary I wasn't that unpopular guy, but I just simply didn't like to do the things they enjoyed. My self esteem wasn't high during those years, but the worst thing was figuring out who I really am, why do I see the world differently. I had a mess in my head.

It got somehow better once I started the College. New people, opportunities for new friendships and new university environment pushed the questions of my identity away...for some time. I tried to be socially active, attending parties, tying to pick up girls who I barely knew and force myself to have a one night stand with them. It didn't worked. I remember one situation when me and I my friend were invited by 2 girls to their flat. My friend told me to get ready for the sex night. Once we got there, we started to drink a bit and the girls were more and more flirty and one of them started to kiss me. After couple of kisses, she asked if I want to go to the bathroom with her and then to her room. I told her that I need to go to the toilet, after I came back I started to feel sick. I started to have a headache and told her I don't feel good at all. I could see my friend's a bit disappointed face, but he understood me. And the girls were kind of pissed. So we left them... I simply wasn't ready to do it. I am not a virgin anymore but I am still waiting for the love of my life, my soul mate girl who I can share my world with. Well beside this, the College years were kind of alright but there were several things which bugged me. First of all, why is my brain working like it is, who am I, what is my purpose of living, why do I see world differently and why I can't find a girlfriend. I have also my own principles and I am sometimes very hard-headed. Deep philosophical topics are my cup of a tea. I was so confused about myself ! I had many depressions because of it. I just couldn't explain the complex thinking and different observation of the world around me. My imagination was working almost every day. I tried to do what other people were doing, attending parties and having fun. But it left me empty inside... Beside that I had something like sense for other people. I could say straight away who I might be friend with and who is worth my attention. I could easily guess others feelings and mood. Before I did the Meyers-Brickss personality test I tried to force myself to be extrovert. However it was just an illusion, during my college years I somehow learned how to be extroverted, but it drained me a lot. I am sometimes like a chameleon, acting extroverted if I feel like it or when I have a good mood. Now I am glad that I developed this ability, because it is easier for me to socialize and talk to people. Well but after my extrovert explosion, I am really drained and I need alot of time to regenerate my energy alone, as every introverted personality type.
So until like October, I was unsure what I want to do in the future and mainly why the hell I am different. But fortunately, my newly obtained friend told me about some personality test. I was curious, because I have never done this kind of test before. He is INTJ and I have had great deep conversations with him about almost everything. So after he showed me the test, I did it and got the result : INFJ. Once I googled what does it stands for, I was just stunned. First time in my life I had a feeling of ultimate understanding of myself, it was like a bright light at the end of the deep dark tunnel. It explained a lot of things about my inner thinking and world. Finally I had something to hold in my hand and develop it, some ultimate hint. I had a feeling of ultimate release out of my uncertain personality cage. Now I finally know why I am good at guessing what other people think, what are they like or even predict their mood. I finally know why I am a good listener and why I am interested in deep topics and other people life stories and opinions (if they are interesting people). Now I finally know why I seek harmony, complexity of thoughts and world itself ! I finally know why do I like to be in my own inner world from time to time. I bet everyone of you had the same feeling after you finally discovered who you really are. Yes we are complicated and our world is so rich that we are eager to share it only with the chosen ones. I can't explain my thinking and seeing things but I am glad I finally found why is it like this. I think we share a great secret who only few could observe. Be proud of who you are, I know sometimes it is really hard to get on with it, but we are truly unique beings out of this ordinary world.

PS : I am still trying to observe and define all of my personality traits but the core has been already defined I think. After my initial test I did more of them with mostly INFJ or INFP results and once I even had ENFJ. But still I think the first one was the most accurate because I wasn't aware of the question types and I replied with true honesty. By the way I did the one on humanmetrics.com. It might help me to get some advices how to expand my abilities or well how to make the best out of my personality type ! Or maybe you can also share your story of discovering yourself !
Sorry for the long post but I just had to get it out of my head....
 
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Welcome to the forum! Many of our stories are similar. It was like coming home when I found this out. Been quite enlightening. I hope you enjoy your stay!



:m057:
 
Well thank you for the reply. Yeah Im just still discovering it here and what does it mean to be like that. The worst feeling was that I thought I am the only one...The more I learn about INFJ , the better I might feel.
 
Well thank you for the reply. Yeah Im just still discovering it here and what does it mean to be like that. The worst feeling was that I thought I am the only one...The more I learn about INFJ , the better I might feel.



It can be strange to realize most are so different. :) Lots of good info and people here as well. Glad you found out!



:m091:
 
Welcome to the party! Their is a bunch of us on here. So for the first time in your life you can declare that you my friend are not alone and your understood. Just remember that INFJ is not who or what you are it is more about how you think. Life does get better when you know your type though. You will see that in time.
 
Welcome to the forum! Yes, I think we all went through similar experiences, I was always the odd one out growing up and before I learned about my MB type I was very lost. Makes sense that I turned out to be the type that makes up only 1% lol.