Mother banned for protecting son from bullie

[GracieRuth]

http://www.fox26medford.com/enterta...ter-confronting-bullies-story,0,5871110.story

This makes me soooooo angry. This is exactly the sort of ^&*((&^T ##$%$%^^ __+)( Leftist Pacifist &*)(*&*(&(() that runs our school and endangers our kids. They actually made the victim apologize to the bullies.

I shouldn't be surprised. That's what happened to me in 1975. A girl who had been threatening me came up and punched me in the diaphram at recess. We BOTH got sent to the principal, and HIS solution was NOT to enquire but simply have us both apologize. I was afraid if I didn't go along, she'd hit me again.

These idiots don't believe people can be "bad", and that all problems can be managed by negotiation and mutual apologies. They ^)(*& the schools. They )(*&*()U the middle east, they )(*&)(*& everywhere they go and get into power.

This is why I told my own kids, go to the adults first, but if they don't handle it, YOU HANDLE IT. YOU make sure you win that fight.

 

[InvisibleJim]

Scottish Solution: Just kick their head in. Don't get caught. Problem solved.

 

[willow]

I think she's a good mother for standing up for her child. Lots of parents don't do that.

My generation was punished in school for poor behaviour. In my early years I was taught by nuns. We were slapped on the hand with a ruler (gasp) or made to stand while holding an ear in one hand and a foot in the other hand (barbaric) or made to write lines on the chalkboard or detention or scrubbing the office floors or something more imaginative. If a child was particularly belligerent, the parents were called in and lectured on their responsibility to maintain discipline in the home. Compared to schools today, the children were polite, disciplined and interested in their studies. Contrast that to this generation who are never punished and their parents who sue teachers who try to enforce discipline. The students have great self esteem (eye-roll) but no respect for others, are often cruel and bring guns to school. The parents shake their heads when their children fail at school or worse commit suicide or murder.

I know which system I prefer.

 

[Sriracha]

I already had to deal with this issue with my oldest son. The fact is, the mother is wrong for not allowing the school administrators to handle it. We are not in the "simpler times" any longer and take matters into our own hands. The reason? Litigation. There is a proper course of action that the school must take through the Zero Tolerance policy for bullying. The story basically said that she talked to the school bus driver, then got on the bus and handled it herself.

The proper way to handle this is to notify the bus driver, notify the child's teacher who should notify the school counselor/administrators (or you do it yourself if the teacher overlooks it.) They will handle it themselves through disciplinary measures defined in the school handbook (which is normally given to parents at the beginning of the year and also normally on the district website.) Continued bullying is now prosecuted as a felony. How do we know that her son is totally innocent in all of this?

Taking matters into your own hands may negate the possibility of seeing where the bully can be helped (environmental or familial) by the referral to the school social worker.

What a mother WANTS to do and what a mother SHOULD do can be two different things. As for my son, I notified the school and they handled the matter. Was I enraged? ABSOLUTELY! A good mama bear will always protect her cub. However, acting on emotion in this circumstance will only get you into trouble. What I know is that my son is not bullied anymore. I ask if XYZ bothers him anymore ... and the answer is always "no." I have faith in this school and they care for my child. Still, there are schools out there with horrible administration.


So for the diehard NFs ... this is where you need to use your ST development.

 

[Peace]

Wasn't the mother sort of bullying the two youths?

I personally think the more mature and responsible response would have been to set up a meeting with the principal and the parents of the other boys to discuss the behavior civilly.

A much older and bigger person getting onto a bus to yell at two captive children just doesn't exactly sell the message "don't be a bully."

 

[willow]

I already had to deal with this issue with my oldest son. The fact is, the mother is wrong for not allowing the school administrators to handle it. We are not in the "simpler times" any longer and take matters into our own hands. The reason? Litigation. There is a proper course of action that the school must take through the Zero Tolerance policy for bullying. The story basically said that she talked to the school bus driver, then got on the bus and handled it herself.

The proper way to handle this is to notify the bus driver, notify the child's teacher who should notify the school counselor/administrators (or you do it yourself if the teacher overlooks it.) They will handle it themselves through disciplinary measures defined in the school handbook (which is normally given to parents at the beginning of the year and also normally on the district website.) Continued bullying is now prosecuted as a felony. How do we know that her son is totally innocent in all of this?

Taking matters into your own hands may negate the possibility of seeing where the bully can be helped (environmental or familial) by the referral to the school social worker.

What a mother WANTS to do and what a mother SHOULD do can be two different things. As for my son, I notified the school and they handled the matter. Was I enraged? ABSOLUTELY! A good mama bear will always protect her cub. However, acting on emotion in this circumstance will only get you into trouble. What I know is that my son is not bullied anymore. I ask if XYZ bothers him anymore ... and the answer is always "no." I have faith in this school and they care for my child. Still, there are schools out there with horrible administration.


So for the diehard NFs ... this is where you need to use your ST development.

This is nonsense. The mother verbally corrected and warned the children. Parents have been doing this from the beginning of time and they have every right to protect their children in this way. Litigation doesn't make it right or wrong. What litigation does is make the matter more complicated and costly than it should be. Litigation sacrifices common sense and it is litigation that bullies are hiding behind. Your society gets more ridiculous with each passing day because of the attempt to use law to solve every problem. Pretty soon you will need a law to breathe because the sound offends someone in some way.

[MENTION=4700]Peace[/MENTION]. An adult telling children that their rotten behaviour is unacceptable isn't bullying. The introduction of bureaucratic process will still (hopefully) result in an adult telling the children their behaviour is unacceptable. So ultimately the bureaucratic process only adds one new thing to the picture, the separation of people by nonsensical procedures which just build more resentment because people have to twiddle their thumbs while the problems go unsolved.

 

[invisible]

i disagree. i think it's sad when adults don't seem to be able to treat children fairly. but i don't think becoming violent back is an appropriate or constructive way to resolve conflict. it strikes me as simplistic and territorial and i believe that as complex thinking and feeling beings we should be searching for less animal and more mature resolutions to complicated problems. i find it difficult to understand how anyone could actually believe in war and aggression as the way forward for humanity. it is a black and white us and them type approach which completely obliterates the complicated reality of real situations.

 

[Sriracha]

This is nonsense. The mother verbally corrected and warned the children. Parents have been doing this from the beginning of time and they have every right to protect their children in this way. Litigation doesn't make it right or wrong. What litigation does is make the matter more complicated and costly than it should be. Litigation sacrifices common sense and it is litigation that bullies are hiding behind. Your society gets more ridiculous with each passing day because of the attempt to use law to solve every problem. Pretty soon you will need a law to breathe because the sound offends someone in some way.

[MENTION=4700]Peace[/MENTION]. An adult telling children that their rotten behaviour is unacceptable isn't bullying. The introduction of bureaucratic process will still (hopefully) result in an adult telling the children their behaviour is unacceptable. So ultimately the bureaucratic process only adds one new thing to the picture, the separation of people by nonsensical procedures which just build more resentment because people have to twiddle their thumbs while the problems go unsolved.

... and so how does "your society" deal with this issue (or not deal with it?)

I am absolutely fine with the school administration handling this issue. There are many sides to this story and their stance is objective/factual ... not emotional. Their disciplinary procedures are quite strict. Yes, litigation in the USA is as easy as brushing your teeth ... but bullies are not standing behind it. It is there to protect the innocent. There is a systematic process that is followed.

I don't know if you have children, but I do and they lie. Did you ever lie as a child? Did you make your parents believe your lie? I lied. It's not to say that I won't believe my children, but because I don't have the tools to investigate the matter to get the truth, I have to put my faith in the administration.

 

[barbad0s]

Hmm... it's hard to say.

On one hand, I do not think this mother treated the bullies harshly. And it seemed to solve the problem.

On the other hand, I would not have done the same thing she did. This is because it of the possibility of making my child's situation worse. People may have made fun of him for his parents showing up.

I don't think schools normally handle bullying very well, but I would have told the teachers/admin anyway. I would have told the bus driver about my son's situation so he/she could keep an eye on them. I would attend or email/write letters to PAC to be involved in how the school counsels bullies.

But most importantly, I would start with my child. I would get info about their situation at school and how they have been acting, and teach them how they should act to make the bullies stop. I think that being bullied and overcoming it through self-developing can make a person better and give them more experience and integrity than those who have never been bulied, and so it's not necessarily the end of the world. I would make sure my child is a confident and socially-skilled person, who is emotionally equipped to deal with such situations.

 

[GracieRuth]

Oh honestly. If she had gone to the principal and THEN to the district, what do you think would have happened. Nothing that made a dent. You see, kids have this instinctive ability to call an adult's bluff. You can scream at your kid all day long to put away their toys, and it will go in one ear and out the other unless the kid knows there is a consequence. These bullies had adjusted to the pseudo world of school where business as usual means no real consequences. The kids on the bus watched the mother walk right past the bus driver, their buffer. They knew this was an adult that wasn't business as usual.


SOUND BITE: the child's immediate protection trumps law and order. EVERY TIME.

 

[GracieRuth]

On the other hand, I would not have done the same thing she did. This is because it of the possibility of making my child's situation worse. People may have made fun of him for his parents showing up.

Yeap. That was one of my thoughts too. It's why I taught my own kids to defend themselves. I think the only time I would have stepped in is if the playing field were not equal, like if the bully was four years older and 20 pounds heavier.

 

[Faye]

Schools generally don't care very much about bullying and unless given an incentive to, they aren't going to. Having the mother come in and try to address the bullies causes more of a problem for them than letter her son be attacked and possibly miss school by other students, so she is treated as the problem.

Generally bus drivers are obligated to do anything unless a threat or severe act of violence takes place, or that is how it was for me. Like, people could hit (though usually not punch, at least not in the face), tear up projects, call names, etc., but when someone brought a knife on board or threatened to stab someone, they would stop and call the police. Punching someone in the face would get you a write-up, which would result in a stern talking-to and some number of detentions (which doesn't do much to stop bullies).

 

[barbad0s]

I think the only time I would have stepped in is if the playing field were not equal, like if the bully was four years older and 20 pounds heavier.

Definitely

 

[willow]

... and so how does "your society" deal with this issue (or not deal with it?)

I am absolutely fine with the school administration handling this issue. There are many sides to this story and their stance is objective/factual ... not emotional. Their disciplinary procedures are quite strict. Yes, litigation in the USA is as easy as brushing your teeth ... but bullies are not standing behind it. It is there to protect the innocent. There is a systematic process that is followed.

I don't know if you have children, but I do and they lie. Did you ever lie as a child? Did you make your parents believe your lie? I lied. It's not to say that I won't believe my children, but because I don't have the tools to investigate the matter to get the truth, I have to put my faith in the administration.

I see nothing morally wrong with the mother correcting the children. I agree it would have been better, more courteous and more appropriate to involve the school administration. Where I disagree with you is the idea that litigation is the reason she should have involved the administration. Unnecessary litigation makes systems rigid and eventually emphasize the absurd.

As to how we handle these issues in my society, we take it to the people involved and resolve the difficulties. We don't involve lawyers from the get go. We had a period of break down in school discipline but since then parents and teachers have both re-assumed their roles in correcting students and schools are back to being disciplined. We don't make the mistake of thinking children are little adults and they are taught respect for adults. It used to be that way in your country too but those ways apparently have faded into the twilight. I suppose your forefathers weren't dealing with it when they didn't involve lawyers.

There are of course issues which are suitable for the courts but that is a last resort as it should be. I can imagine how important the little bullies feel when a circus of lawyers are brought in and the battle becomes about which parents can afford the better lawyers and not about what is moral. Yes, in theory, law protects the innocent (and is of incalculable value) but law is often misused by the very people from which society needs to be protected. For that reason, the courts should only be used when appropriate and this case doesn't require litigation at all.

Sure I lied as a child but I wouldn't have dared lied to my parents or an adult because I knew if it was found out it would not go without swift punishment. Furthermore, children who bullied at school were dealt with swiftly. Adults in charge wouldn't have shrugged off their responsibility as the bus driver did. I don't blame the bus driver though because someone was bound to sue, based on the customs. The problems we had recently in schools only began when we started following alien ideas. We graduated two generations of miscreants but thankfully we've come to our senses and now we are producing a younger, more polite generation who understand their place in society.

 

[Lerxst]

Seems the mother went too far and that's the real issue. There are ways to handle it that wouldn't include lawsuits. My parents never once fought a fight for me, instead they taught me how to fight back... even when I would get my ass kicked

This woman just seems like a loose cannon!

 

[barbad0s]

We graduated two generations of miscreants but thankfully we've come to our senses and now we are producing a younger, more polite generation who understand their place in society.

What a pity!