Monogamy
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IDK, I think that if I make a commitment to something or to someone, then I have some expectations.
Naturally I am talking of in terms that the other person is not on their death bed and other extenuating circumstances.
yeah, you have expectations but those expectations are based on the mutual committment of both of you to want and have those things with each other because of how you feel about each other. In other words, I wouldn't want someone to feel like they have to be with me or for me to be with them simply out of obligation, as a requirement of being together. That would take all the fun out of it. I'd rather be single if that's case. When you make someone responsible for meeting a need, it takes the meaning out of it.
But responsibility is not the same as obligation. Someone expecting me to have sex with them out of obligation simply because we're in a relationship is quite different from some feeling responsible for making sure they're partner is satisfied because they care about them and made a committment to them.
Responsibility and obligation are pretty much the same actually. I dont see much distinction between the two examples you are using.
"...from some feeling obligated for making sure they're partner is satisfied because they care about them and made a committment to them." See, I can replace responsible with obligated and make it sound just as nice.
I suppose it sounds all logical if you think monogamy refers strictly to sex. I would think it refers to being intimate with just one person. Intimacy being the key to building trust and the desire to consider another's needs along side your own. Having an established relationship with someone and practicing monagamy does not entitle someone to a "claim" on the other's body for their own sexual gratification. Thinking monogamy entails this "right" is a rather myoptic and immature view of a relationship.
No, I don't think OP's opening statement is true because the nature of relationships are extremely broad. I think that monogamy just means two people in a relationship of romantic terms, and I think it is important to realize that not all romantic relationships have sexual elements. Sexuality and romance and relationship dynamics are super complex and it's too much of a simplification to define that a monogamous couple has to be having sex with each other in order to be considered such.
All sorts of things could happen. Both partners might not have a sex drive to begin with, one partner might be unable to have sex because of an operation for a period of time, both partners might make a religious/spiritual/or otherwise pact not to have sex for a period of time, couples might fight and not have sex for a period of time. Lack of copulation does not change the terms of the relationship that is: you and I are together and with no one else in this same way.
All sorts of things could happen. Both partners might not have a sex drive to begin with, one partner might be unable to have sex because of an operation for a period of time, both partners might make a religious/spiritual/or otherwise pact not to have sex for a period of time, couples might fight and not have sex for a period of time. Lack of copulation does not change the terms of the relationship that is: you and I are together and with no one else in this same way.
It totally depends on the relationship and the people involved.
Also, when people don't want sex it is so intimate and intense that coercion is not going to help. It's going to make them hate having sex with you.
Just take a step back, think about why you're with this person, and remember that sex is a mutually beneficial experience; not a duty. Ever.
But it is important to most people so you'd be well within your rights to leave the relationship and find a person who has a similar attitude.
It all depends where your priorities lie and the nature of the relationship; won't and can't can be inseparable for some people.
If you're going to stick around, I hope you like monogamy. It can go deep - especially with sexual issues, so you really need to be patient or leave.
Also, when people don't want sex it is so intimate and intense that coercion is not going to help. It's going to make them hate having sex with you.
Just take a step back, think about why you're with this person, and remember that sex is a mutually beneficial experience; not a duty. Ever.
But it is important to most people so you'd be well within your rights to leave the relationship and find a person who has a similar attitude.
It all depends where your priorities lie and the nature of the relationship; won't and can't can be inseparable for some people.
If you're going to stick around, I hope you like monogamy. It can go deep - especially with sexual issues, so you really need to be patient or leave.
I've changed my position on this slightly. Although I don't think sex should be an obligation in a committed relationship, I think there is a problem when someone selfishly ignores the needs and desires of their partner, and only fulfills those desires when it benefits them. So, in some sense, yes, there is a responsibility to please your partner through physical intimacy, with the belief that it's a way to create closeness or at least fulfill a mutual desire, to show love or care for the other, and/or to help sustain the relationship. When someone begins to deny their partner that intimacy, yeah, of course, especially if that partner decides it's their right to make those decisions about whether they can and should be intimate for the both of them, yes, it is a problem.
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