Men are intimated by me | INFJ Forum

Men are intimated by me

dignified

Two
Nov 27, 2017
2
6
26
MBTI
INFJ
Hello everyone,

I'm an ambivert type INFJ who can really thrive in a friendly environment and be more extraverted than anyone else, that's why, I think, people are often confused what to think about me and several times different people blamed me being too complicated. Although I'm a people person who get along well with everyone in any situation, I have come to realize that most of the men are intimated by me. With that I mean, it is like I have some kind of invisible protection circle around me and no men dare to violate these boundaries. I'm not doing anything to present myself as unattainable lady on purpose, yet guys around me do not think so and label me as aloof, distant and call me sword covered with cotton sugar which makes me offended as I am gonna never ever accept. Sometimes I see my facial expression in the mirror or the reflection of my face in a glass door and I cannot lie, it's too scary..... I really don't know why I am this way and cannot accept me being this way as I'm very compassionate and considerate inside. Lately I've realized that when I'm daydreaming or trying to intensely focus on something in order to do my best, my face becomes really serious and scary unintentionally. At those times, my friends start to ask if I'm feeling ok, if there is something bothering me and those questions pisses me off. Is it INFJ thing? and how to be more approachable lady for men?
 
No, not just an infj thing. :) I'm an infp, and I've gotten slightly similar responses in the past, but not very recently. For me it wasn't intimidation, but my facial expressions were a tense and didn't appear open. Part of it was shyness, some of was introverted or reserved. Since I wasn't outgoing or social, people judged my expressions harshly. However, when I would open up, smile more, etc. people would simplify what they saw. So, it's not a bad thing for you to have a guarded persona. All depends on your comfort level. If you want to be more friendly or sociable, then practice engaging in a casual chat with people around you, and initiate a few conversations, so they will see that you are interested in getting to know them, but also protect yourself.

People can be very judgy of things they don't understand, especially introversion. So, don't be too quick to change yourself to fit others. No need to be completely open. Save the effort or energy for those who will take the time to get to know you, and who are not going to spend time simply judging you for not being smiley all the time. A genuine and observant person will pick up on your personality well enough. The right person will appreciate your personality and respect your reserve. But it helps to get out of comfort zones a bit and reach out to others to get to know them so they can get to know us. Sometimes, when you open up a bit and share with others, they become more at ease and make the effort to get to know you.
 
Perhaps go someplace where people don't know you or of you.

A sword covered with cotton candy? That's sounds like people are afraid that once you have them, you'll destroy them.

Your english is not perfect so I am guessing you are not in America. That said it makes it more difficult to try and factor in cultural differences and the perceptions of the woman's and man's role related to the different geographical locations.

Perhaps explain a bit more of the interactions you have had where you perceive this has taken place.
 
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I'm INFP and feel like you just described me... My SO told me shortly after we started dating many years ago that he initially liked me because I seemed like a 'really challenging novel that he felt he had to read through, because he knew there was an important story there.' But before that I had heard many times before that I seemed "snobby" and unapproachable. It takes a special person to see what's really there. A lot of people just go for what's on the surface and what's easy. The right people will see your compassionate side and understand that you are thoughtful. Not everyone is going to be up to the task. It seems that NFs are adept at reading people and seeing what's below the surface. I don't know if you spend time around other NFs, but it doesn't sound like it. With other types, you have to be very aware of how you present yourself and make more of an effort not to be misunderstood. It's up to you if you want to put your energy into smiling more and making yourself more outwardly agreeable to others. But that also means taking the focus off your internal thoughts. (Which makes me wonder if you are INFP and if this is an INFP thing.) But I would think it best to find a partner who doesn't require you to smile.
 
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Smile more.
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