Mask of Conformity | INFJ Forum

Mask of Conformity

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by LoneArcher86, Oct 11, 2010.

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  1. LoneArcher86

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    I have known for a long time that I wear a "mask" to cover up the real me. It has almost become me, and in a psychological fight with myself, part of me will not allow that mask to become myself entirely, even though the world that perceives me is accustomed to the masked me. In my experience, the mask I have created is my defense mechanism against a world that I feel doesn't understand me.

    So my thought is... are these masks necessary to navigate a world that has a hard time accepting something different or new? or should we fight an endless battle of intolerance?
     
  2. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    We all wear masks at time LA. Especially a type like INFJ, we need them to be able to interact in certain situations. There are a some secrets to them though. First, as you said, you cannot allow yourself to become that mask. I did this in my 20's, putting on the mask of an ST and trying to conform...make it fit better. Surpressing the brightest part of me, my Fe. I'm much happier now just being myself. Even the masks are different. They are more like facepaint now, covering and altering me, yet still a part of who I am.

    Everyone has to find their own way. But being honest with yourself is always best I've found. Good luck!
     
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    #2 Questingpoet, Oct 11, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2010
  3. Poetic Justice

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    Keep your mask

    Learn to play along whilst not going against you're value system.

    You'll be a happier person

    The world WILL NOT conform to you. Don't get yourself all worked up about it because it's not going to happen.

    Don't think of it as your mask though. We all have different personalities depending on the situation. Think of this as you socialising personality
     
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  4. Melkor

    Melkor Madman with a cause

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    I'm picturing you reading this from a self help book while running on a treadmill.

    Ironic that what you're saying is the very essence of conformity...
     
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  5. Poetic Justice

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    Nope. My thoughts and wrote whilst eating a bag of crisps

    And yes. To a certain degree I'm saying to conform. You'll be happier.

    Lone archer, as you're new here i should probably point out that you should ignore any advice from melkor.

    Melkor please don't try and derail threads where people are genuinely seeking advice. If you want to continue our fencing session go to my blog
     
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  6. Melkor

    Melkor Madman with a cause

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    Just because you don't like my advice, doesn't mean it isn't worth hearing.

    I mean, I listen to what you say, and I think you talk a lot of nonsense.


    To the Archer:
    I think masks are often necessary, in life, you only have one true personality, and there are only a certain amount of people compatible with it.
    It's best to keep the mask until you find someone you think you can trust.
    As an introvert, I doubt you're into self advertising, so this shouldn't be too much of a problem for you. It matters little what they think, the only people who can matter are the ones you allow to.
     
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  7. KazeCraven

    KazeCraven Graduated from Typology : May 2011
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    Yeah... my advice: work towards a niche that most accepts the real you. Depending on how strange the real you is, you might be surprised at how accepting some people are of this true you.

    If you don't conform, and stay in a place that insists you do, you'll get the short end of the stick every time.
     
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  8. Melkor

    Melkor Madman with a cause

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    I'm starting to worry about you...all this talk of niches...
     
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  9. Gaze

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    Agree.
     
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  10. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    *hugs*
    I understand your concern about how the world is hard to accept something new; it actually is. It's needed to maintain 'order'. We all struggle with this every once in our lifetimes.

    Your own path and belief will be different from mine (maybe you even have known this thing I've realized), But I'm raising a point that being sociable, getting along with people and amicable =/= being conforming. And that not being conforming =/= opposing everyone that's not with your own values. (Things I've still yet to learn.)

    How to say; to me conforming is like turning yourself into a sponge absorbing all those colors outside you, ending up in a.....murky...sponge, from all those colors. Because start conforming to a group, soon it'll happen to other groups. And soon it's not ourselves anymore, or even a mask of that particular group, but a mixture of them, together best explained as messy. And let's not talk about how each traits or masks fight between each other....

    So, what lies underneath our mask? Ideally speaking, put down our mask and develop your values. Stay grounded to our 'good' and 'bad'. Pick the good things, sort the bad, And then let it out and face the world. But in reality it will be way more complex than that, so... I'm saying what I know; It's better not to be swayed by the world's current, but there are lots of ways to express that other than fighting. And even if one chooses to fight, there are millions of ways to do that. Choose the least damaging strategy.

    If you can accept analogues; I'd rather be a bamboo tree, bending and swinging against the wind but yet standing, rather than the big tree opposing the wind, breaking apart if the wind's strong enough.
    (in short; I'm espousing non-confrontational strategies right now, as confrontational as I am.)
    I think that isn't conformity. Everyone has their own stories, after all, and we all affect each other, whether we like it or not. :)

    I think this is a fine advice, But I learned that I can also be trapped into the images of 'me' that they're seeing, ending into a horrible caricature of myself, so yeah. :|
     
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    #10 Trifoilum, Oct 11, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2010
  11. Poetic Justice

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    I think conforming is the wrong word.

    You don't have to pretend to share others values or become like them. You can keep your own personality whilst learning to get along with others. The key is to accept the differences between people. To become intrigued by them. Not sacred.

    You will still be you. You always will be. Don't worry about that.

    Of course you will change but who says that's a bad thing? Are you perfect now? Of course not or you wouldn't be asking this question. Something has to change in order for you to not feel like you're on the fringes of society. That something HAS to be you. There's no other way.

    Sure, you may find a great bunch of people who accept you but wouldn't it be great if you could get along with almost everyone you meet as well as searching (maybe in vain) for the "right" group of people?
     
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  12. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    Agreed in concept. :)

    That being said, as far as the bolded part goes, I'm sharing my own experiences here; I'm aware that I'm being afraid of changing in the bad way; or rather, growing in the way I don't want myself to.

    So I think the solution is (as vain as I can) to get a distinction of my own values; where do I want to grow, and what do I want to be. :) Or rather, what kind of person do you want to be?

    Be aware of the destination, so to speak.
     
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    #12 Trifoilum, Oct 11, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2010
  13. KazeCraven

    KazeCraven Graduated from Typology : May 2011
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    Wha?

    People end up in niches regardless of whether they choose to or not. The question is whether that niche (we can substitute the word subculture here too) will fit. Most of the time, unless you're really easily shaped by external culture, it won't.
     
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  14. magister343

    magister343 Permanent Fixture

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    The concept of wearing such a mask seems foreign to me. It is not something I do. I don't go revealing everything about myself when inappropriate, but I certainly don't feign anything.
     
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  15. OP
    LoneArcher86

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    Thank you all for your advice and input.

    My personal conclusion is that in this day and age, masks are important in helping us weave through the social web. They are not necessary, but sometimes it makes better snese to slap on a smile when what you really want to do is smack someone upside the head :)(just one example). I guess I was just finding that more often then not I'm slapping on that smile to AVOID a situation, rather then only doing it when the situation just isn't worth starting something over. Ultimately selling myself short.



    Well said.... definitely a good way to think about it
     
  16. OP
    LoneArcher86

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    Thank you all for your advice and input.

    My personal conclusion is that in this day and age, masks are important in helping us weave through the social web. They are not necessary, but sometimes it makes better sense to slap on a smile when what you really want to do is smack someone upside the head :)(just one example). I guess I was just finding that more often then not I'm slapping on that smile to AVOID a situation, rather then only doing it when the situation just isn't worth starting something over. Ultimately selling myself short.



    Well said.... definitely a good way to think about it
     
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