Making someone feel better

[Indigo1]

"I'm so sorry
that I'm sitting next to you
and that all I can say
is sorry"

(The above, describing a person needing to apologize, rarely happens to me, but the emotion is similar.)

There are times when people I care about are upset, or depressed by one thing or another. It affects me, and I wish I could say something - anything! - to make the person feel better. It's a sort of very quiet and timid feeling, knowing that your friend is upset and oh, how you wish to help her, but you can't. I am.. sorry that I couldn't do anything to make my friend feel better.

I'm kind of new to these forums (though I've been lurking around here for a long time), but I think fellow INFJs should be able to understand the way we feel. I guess I'm not asking for how to make my friends feel better - such things are very personal and no one can really give you an answer for that - but what are your experiences with such situations?

 

[Faye]

I hate these kinds of situations. I always really want the person to feel better, and I typically can't do anything to make them feel better.

 

[894tt3h9]

I don't really mind these situations at all to be honest. When a friend of mine is really upset, I'll take a few moments to feel that sadness with them and then as soon as I can, I try to help them figure out ways to help themselves feel better. I don't really make it my responsibility to ease their pain. But as a friend I feel it's my responsibility to help guide them to a path to move forward.

 

[TinyBubbles]

i was wondering about this the other day. is it really because i care about the person that i want them to feel better, or is it merely my awareness of their suffering and subsequent incapability to resolve that suffering what's making me distressed? there must be millions, billions of people out there with difficulties right now that would warrant a sympathetic ear, yet it's only the ones i know of that i care about- that i COULD care about. does their suffering mean less if it's invisible? i don't think so...

sorry, kind of went off on a tangent. but yes, i know that feeling well, and it's always pretty unpleasant. the reasons for it might not be altruistic as they seem though~

 

[Philanthropist]

There are times when people I care about are upset, or depressed by one thing or another. It affects me, and I wish I could say something - anything! - to make the person feel better.

Although I'm ENTJ, I do know where you're coming from. I feel the same way when my (INTJ) girlfriend feels bad.

I would say this actually depends quite considerably on the person's MBTI and temperament (well it depends on their personality, which in turn is described by their temperament). For an NT, the best thing to do is giving us a solution to whatever problem it is we're faced with. To NFs, as far as I know from having an INFx dad, is to simply listen and empathize. More generally, giving a person something to look forward to is a good idea.

 

[Feelings]

Hum. Solutions are good to offer, but in my opinion, oftentimes it's not a solution that a person needs. They may already know the solution, or your solution may be not so great, or a great solution may not even exist. In my very shitty INTJ opinion, people mostly wanna feel that you care.