[INFJ] - Living as an introvert | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] Living as an introvert

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by BcL, Nov 6, 2020.

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  1. BcL

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    These are some recent thoughts on my life living with an introverted perspective.

    I'm beginning to like myself as I am, and feel more complete. I've got all the acceptance in the world within myself. It's been there the whole time.

    Embarrassingly, I've spent countless years trying to be at the beck and call of some extreme extroverted types. I've tried so hard for nothing I've said yes when inside I meant no. I've caved in to peer pressures. I've dated when I didn't truly need to, I just wanted to fit in and look like an extrovert by having a boyfriend or by working in a particular job or studying to look busy and clever.

    Some people believe they're nobody without other people around them. This is very untrue. You're always somebody, even when you think you're not. You know you exist, so you're constantly self aware. You impact others in some way.

    I used to only take care of myself only if I knew someone else would see me. Now I feel more able to live as if somebody else is looking, but that somebody is me. It's good to be your best friend and not your bully.

    There are plenty of people that share my interests, so I don't need to beat myself up for my tastes because they are allowed. I can say no when someone is only craving my company, and speaks at me and won't speak with me.

    Also, I asked myself am I actually quiet? Or could it simply be a knee jerk reaction to people that are too clingy and uninteresting? I'm definitely not quiet with everybody. I think it's rare for introverts to find people that don't just require someone to be there with them, but are interested to connect and engage on an equal plain.

    We introverts should never take anyone seriously if they're filling a void, lonely, friendless or bored! I believe it's unnecessary to label ourselves as shy, timid, quiet, or even weird purely based on others opinions of us. We're creative, valuable beings.
     
  2. MegaHen

    MegaHen Regular Poster

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    Well said, I’ve been thinking this way a lot lately too. Letting go of the need to be like everyone else and expectations of others is such an important part of becoming a healthier INFJ in my opinion...

    I think it’s so easy to wear a mask and be someone your not for others, trying to be someone different for each person in your life till you don’t even know who you are anymore.

    personally when I pulled away from others and let myself be alone, that’s when I truly figured out what I like and who I am and that I love being independent, which is just how we are born, we are capable of great things on their own, it sounds like maybe you’ve experienced similar

    After doing so, going out into the real world.. it takes a bit of the mask away bit by bit,
    Knowing you’ve got your own back, and respect yourself, know who you are to the core, know you’ll be just fine on your own, it makes the people pleasing less of your entire personality. So when your personality can actually come through, you can meet people who are actually for you..
    and say no to the ones who arnt,
    It sounds like your self honoring and learning self respect and appreciation just like I have in recent months

    I agree! We are creative intuitive beings who like to have those sorts of conversations, otherwise we can be quiet simply because we don’t feel interested in what is being said and that’s completely fine, we were born this way, we were born the way we were supposed to be. it is so important we don’t try to be someone we are not.

    I’m sorry if I just rambled at you a bit lol, but I love seeing other INFJs with similar thoughts on this. Wish you well on your journey and it’s nice to meet you^_^ !
     
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    BcL

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    It's a pleasure to meet you too. Exactly, if someone's not interested in someone else, why on earth should someone pretend to be?! I got so damn tired of oeople pleasing, if I get gossiped about or whatever so be it, I'm just not bothered anymore...

    It's been said that those conversations are like food or oxygen to all intuitive personalities. By the way, you write so well
     
  4. MegaHen

    MegaHen Regular Poster

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    It is a waste of time, and going right against our own need for authenticity. I think it’s common for us to waste so much time and give so much of our hearts and energy into people who simply arnt made for us. The whole while ignoring the little intuitive spark in our tummies saying “nope, red flag!” And thinking it’s somehow our own fault, or we are making it up until we inevitably get hurt by said person again. Our body knows! Lol, important life lesson to listen to it and not fill a fill a role you were never made to

    Same! People pleasing is exhausting and just makes you feel bad about yourself.. can make social anxiety overwhelming as well

    Others gossiping about you says everything about them and absolutely nothing about you. It’s not a secure kind human being that gossips and you shouldn’t give a damn what they think.. they probably arnt kind to themselves either. It’s none of your business what their opinion is of you, only your own matters, and only your opinion of yourself has the power to make you genuinely happy

    I like that lol, they really are. The energy after an intuitive conversation vs a sensing is like night and day! It is fuel,

    Thankyou! that is so sweet, and you do as well
     
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    BcL

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    My intuition is so strange. I often feel hesitant to reveal it to others, because I cannot explain where my ideas came from! I do listen to myself more nowadays without pushing it away because it's so weird it has a way of almost chasing me until I give in. Sometimes I just want to feel "normal" and that's why I'll ignore it.

    I agree, living authentically is paramount. You're going to get haters if you do and so be it. You're right, it's all their problem and business if they've got an opinion about you! It doesn't even count, even if you asked for one. It makes sense that only your opinion is number one. Backstabbers/gossips are so childish and stupid, they are actually showing you and anyone else that they feel jealous and hate themselves! People are smart, and gossips should really know better!

    The empathy can be a blessing and a curse, people don't always necessarily need someone like an Infj to extend their wonderful gift of protection. Sometimes I feel useless because of this. I think infjs are like night and day.

    Alone they are logical, and think so deeply. To me there's a darkness about infjs that only we know. Because it's only there when we're alone people only see the sensitivity side of an infj.

    And, as soon as we come into contact with another human, it's like an automated light switch. An infj will be worried about other people's feelings... constantly!!

    I feel that I've only done that because it's a situation where I personally would be hurt if it were me in that persons shoes. I try to help, but the other person may not get emotional like I do, so probably didn't need their feelings protected or acknowledged.

    On the other hand, I don't want to be a b**ch to anyone, so I retreat. A lot. I could be there a little more, but I do not want to put my angry feelings onto the people I care about. Yet I do acknowledge that I've let others down by not being there for them.

    I think infjs are very useful when it comes to mediating. We don't usually take sides, and that way we'll absorb the tension during conflict only helps us to go for peace in a situation without a personal agenda.

    So I'd say the people pleasing and unwarranted empathy do have their place. I find it's such a relief to communicate via writing than speech! I honestly do have a lot to say in all social situations. I guess I fear it won't be interesting enough, or the other person will get drained and bored of me yapping on! I can stumble and mumble my way through a conversation which I need to work on...
     
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  6. MegaHen

    MegaHen Regular Poster

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    Normal is a silly word, in truth there is none lol we are all unique! Your Ni (introverted intuition) is the culprit for all of that lol, I’ve read it’s like having a sort of link to the subconscious naturally without even trying. I always imagine it as a steady stream going on in the back of my mind with pebbles of separate things(all those odd INFJ ideas) and sometimes it’s a VERY loud stream that forces me to listen and pick up the pebbles and make sense of it

    People actually do need your gifts of understanding and compassion, we all need this to our core as humans. It’s our our makeup, even if they sound ungrateful or moody about it.. you’d be surprised at the seed you can plant in their hearts, one they will think about later and smile

    lol their is a dark fierceness in us that’s for sure! This is why it confuses me when others say innocent, they really don’t see it xD but that’s okay if we know it’s there and we let that fire keep us going. We are people who can see both our own light and dark sides and learn to accept and grow from them both

    lol i relate to the light switch! I can not seem to turn it off either, just care way too much about the other person. Always putting ourselves in other peoples shoes, empathy is a beautiful thing. Listen to your gut, in my experience people have greatly appreciated having someone be supportive and stand up for them, be there for them, understand them. I’ve avoided as well.. and that can cause worse damage than the latter and create a pattern of it. Your born this way for a reason, just as you were meant to be and accepting and respecting your gifts and yourself as is helps

    yes!! I think we tend to be diplomatic, makes mediating very natural for us

    lol I relate with the writing... verbally it just does NOT come out the same xD
     
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  7. Quiet

    Quiet i know nothing

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    BcL

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    That is a great analogy for how Ni works. It's not even thought that's happening. It's images, dreams, and patterns that come to mind. I really do think about where this comes from. Ni is a beautiful creative process. I'm not sure if I'm consciously making it happen or not. I do love Ni. We are very blessed to have it. Too many people are missing out!

    I never thought of it like that. It reminds of something called reaction formation where your words and actions contradict each other. For instance, you might swear you love someone, but your actions are different - you're beating them up a lot, and calling them names. Sometimes words mean literally nothing.

    Like you said, if someone expresses a lack of gratitude about me being empathic, deep down they probably do appreciate it. I (most likely being biased) absolutely love this protection gift! I wouldn't swap it if I could!

    The one thing I'd like to be able to do more, is convey my intuitions to others with clarity. It's not that I'm purposefully withholding from others, it's just that sometimes all I have are images, so I don't even know what language to use lol

    Obviously others can find Ni challenging, and it's the rarest function, so it's not encountered often. Being a function all about possibilities you'll never reach the end, so more can always be known about it.

    One type of person I've noticed in my life is the one who can come across as mean, cold, and overly critical. When truly they're only encouraging improvement, and the best outcome possible. Sometimes it's necessary to take people's feelings out of the equation and be cold. Some types are adept at doing this. I've certainly experienced it many times from other types. Some time after even though it hurt, I'm always grateful that I was critiqued.

    You don't move forward if you avoid certain types of people. I think deep down most people like to be understood.

    Some gifts are hard to accept, because they don't even appear to be gifts at all.
     
  9. MegaHen

    MegaHen Regular Poster

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    Reaction Formation, do you know why people do this? I wonder if it’s passed trauma or learned behavior I’m curious

    Hmm... this is very interesting, I’m going to look into the images, I’m not sure if my own intuition does this or comes through as words, or if it’s all a jumble lol. The images are hard to translate though?
    You are very right about Ni as well,

    The thinking types can be a bit better at this, the critique I mean, and yes they really do just want to help even harsh sometimes lol, but yeah sometimes do really just need it

    I agree about not avoiding people and instead understanding, I like your point of view ^_^

    yes exactly, but each of us our born with our own unique set of gifts for a reason!!
     
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