Life, Death, and Prison

[Chessie]

There's a fear I notice an awful lot in INFJ people and I want to sort of lay out there.

It's a fear of imprisonment. Any kind of imprisonment. Imprisonment in relationships. Plenty of us get into bad situations when we love someone but the fear is still there.

Imprisonment in debt. Imprisonment by authority (this is a big one). Imprisonment by...any list of things. I'm careful with people and gentle as can be...and the idea of going to literal prison and becoming involved in the government penal system in America is so completely terrifying that I believe quite sincerely I would rather die than be locked up.

I realize I would have to actually break a law to become involved in this system but there are so many laws and so easily broken and such profit incentive for government to place people into prison that it's truly unsettling to contemplate.

I don't know how many people share this fear but I don't believe it's hyperbole. I want to know if it's common to other INFJ's or maybe just the ones I know. I realize plenty of people fear prison but prison is...more than just an abstract to me. It's the same fear I feel when I have a poisonous spider on my nose.

It's an odd sort of thing. I was confronted today with one of my relatives whose been locked away for a period of time and I couldn't handle even the empathic vibes he put off when he talks about his time in prison.

 

[Ecton]

That's true for me. The thought of being locked away drive's me crazy. Just the idea that finding a new job 'locks me' into my life because of a bad economy is almost enough to choke me.

If I ever got in one of those situations, I'd need lots of books so as to escape mentally.

 

[TinyBubbles]

Doesn't everyone fear losing their freedoms? Regardless, I think people can get used to anything in time, and that includes being locked up. It would be the constant contrast between how it IS and how it COULD BE that would mess with your head; if you never saw that you could again be free you'd probably settle in to prison life and make the most of it (well, depending on how bad it is. and how much time you've had to adjust to the idea). In a way, people are imprisoned as a whole on Earth, since we can't easily move on to other planets. Yet we 'accept' that because it is how we've always lived; it is the norm. But when people are isolated to one building while witnessing that others are able to roam free around the earth, that contrast would really make you feel like you've lost out on something. Also, being imprisoned your entire life would not be perceived as much of a loss compared to being free and then suddenly losing your freedoms later in life.

If you're talking about a specific fear of PRISON though, and not the abstract notion of losing your freedom, then I dunno.. maybe that is an infj thing, because I don't really have a specific fear of that. It's in the same category as volcanoes in terms of how much I fear it. Could happen, would be disastrous if it did, but since it's highly unlikely I don't normally think about it.

 

[bamf]

The thought of losing freedom is probably the thing. I'd agree with that.

Standing in front of a judge facing an unlikely stint in the county jail is scary enough, I can't imagine what it would be like to face years and years of being locked up. The loss of living the way one is accustomed to is terrifying.

 

[Norton]

Never occurred to me. Never thought about it. Seems so unlikely. OTOH, since I live in my mind and the outside world is sort of irrelevant, prison is an abstract construct. I'm always free, even when I'm not.

 

[Chessie]

This question was mostly aimed at other INFJ's. I wanted to know how they feel about this idea.

 

[testing]

There are times actually that a nice long stint in prison sounds kind of relaxing.
Depends on the prison, though.
(I like my privacy.)

 

[arbygil]

I don't think I have a fear of prison, but like anyone else I wouldn't want to go there.

I may have even romanticized the idea of it, in that I see many prisoners as tragic incarcerated heroes who have no place to go after they complete their time. I know, weird.

But no, I don't fear prison. There are 2.3 million people incarcerated in the US; chances are, we know someone or know of someone going in, coming out, or staying there. I wouldn't want to go, but if you get too many driving tickets or if you accidentally get into a fight or if you're drunk outside, you may find out what jail's like up close.

 

[testing]

I don't think I have a fear of prison, but like anyone else I wouldn't want to go there.

I may have even romanticized the idea of it, in that I see many prisoners as tragic incarcerated heroes who have no place to go after they complete their time. I know, weird.

But no, I don't fear prison. There are 2.3 million people incarcerated in the US; chances are, we know someone or know of someone going in, coming out, or staying there. I wouldn't want to go, but if you get too many driving tickets or if you accidentally get into a fight or if you're drunk outside, you may find out what jail's like up close.

Hm, yeah.... I probably shouldn't joke about prison like I was doing!

I suppose instead of "prison" what I really meant was "nice quiet padded cell with meals and maidservice which I could leave at will". LOL!

But as far as the abstract idea of losing freedom through other commitments such as bad jobs, etc. etc. Well, there are almost always some freedom and escape opportunities in those situations, but people just think there aren't so they keep themselves stuck. Mostly.

 

[Ecton]

But as far as the abstract idea of losing freedom through other commitments such as bad jobs, etc. etc. Well, there are almost always some freedom and escape opportunities in those situations, but people just think there aren't so they keep themselves stuck. Mostly.

You're right about that. I gotta keep that in mind.

 

[Trifoilum]

Not exactly fear of actual prison, but other forms of it. Fear of lacking growth / being stagnant, I suppose.

I personally am not fond of the phrase "bird inside a gilded cage", no matter how well the cage is. But my reaction says otherwise. :| Geeeeeee.

 

[Rakawi]

This is from another thread, but it's related:

I think your conclusion may be misinterpretation. Fears tend to revolve around that which matters most to us, so this is really about finding the flipside of what's dearest to us. No doubt Enneagram of Personality is very relevant here since it focuses on personal motivations. (I'm a 4w5.)

#1) Autonomy: Independence and competence are things we start working on a lot earlier than most given our introspective critical nature. I'm told this is true of INTJs as well.

#2) High regard: Our sense of integrity (especially in youth, less so as we age) is dependent on the approval and respect of our elders... and our peers to some extent.

#3) Individuality. We are individualists to the core. We deliberately see to it that when we flex for our surroundings (and we often do), it does not warp the integrity of our inner-being. (The image we present is intended to be authentic and if it is judged less so, we are offended.)


I think the collision of these values results in a lot of inner turmoil and what I would call "control issues" via unstated stipulations, such as...

We like sharing things about ourselves (on our own terms).
We like blind probing (but not to be blindly probed).
We like connecting with loved ones (when we're good and ready).
We want to be successful or excel (on our own merit, unaided).
We compulsively peel ourselves back to learn as much as possible (the good, the bad, the ugly) so that no one takes the upper-hand because we're acutely aware that knowledge is power. (We don't like learning things from other people about ourselves because it makes us feel vulnerable and threatens our view of ourselves as the ultimate expert on ourselves.)

...So when others express disapproval, find faults, question our integrity etc. it rattles us pretty badly. Then we start expressing disapproval of ourselves. Then we spiral into lockdown and that's the stage of rebound we fear most because it's dangerous to our psyche and physical health.

Thankfully, we get better at dealing with all of this the older we get! --But before that can happen we have to be aware what sets this process into motion.

INFJs: We haz (self-)control issuez.