It All Came Around

It is late, forgive me if this begins to ramble badly (and sorry in advance also for my poor spelling and or grammar).
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Over this past summer, I went through a very large and deep depressive spell, all rooted in my failing of Calculus 2 in college for the spring semester. It was pretty powerful, and an also important time for me.



Durring this time, I began to read a story on a website I track (I would rather not post the website or the story for personal and or embaressement reasons). It was by a writer on the site who I have read before, and he is quite good. What struck me is I was pulled into the tale very fast, it was very deep, well written, and had alot to it. The story itself though, was depressing to me. One of the main characters began very early on the devolop a problem, which was exciting for the narrating main character (the one you see the point of view through) and this became the running point of the story. But this physical change brought both of them much closer (they were allready best friends) in a romantaic sense, but it also drove them apart. To the point where eventually the one who was going through the change became very depressed and (was not learned until late in the story) that he purposly drove him away to prevent there "impossible love". I found that while reading this story, it sort of made me more depressed and worse. What is interesting is, the change the charachter was undergoing was both exctiting, and something I sort of long for, it should be a good thing. Yet when ever i thought about it, it made me more upset, and more depressed. To the point where mearly saying his name almost pushed me to tears. This story deeply pulled me in, and had a powerful effect on me.

To try to vent all of this, I began to write a story of my own, and posted it on the website up to 3 chapters. I eventually ran out of time and steam and just stopped going. The story had a very very dark tone to it and I had plans to go pretty far with it, but I just could not, being too tired.

From june, to july, when I read the story, this was something frequently on my mind. I read up to about chapter 5, which reaches its lowest emotional point, and one of the major climaxes of the story. I suddenly stopped reading, It had been weeks since the update for it would have come, and the author sort of took a "hiatus" from it. I have not checked the website since then.

Fastforward to about now. Several weeks ago, serindipitously, through another website, i found that the next installment for the story had been posted, and the tone of it had improved so much. The characters had changed for the better, they were much happier, mostly, and had a mutual understanding. All seemed well until the other character become very ill after being saved.

Then, tonight, I find the story was finished. And had a truly happy ending to it. I find this such a strong parallel to what I had gone through with Calculus 2. I had failed it, then had to endure that failure, and suffer by waiting in limbo, not knowing, and just suffering without being able to do anything. Then forced to retake it, and go through the trials once again. I came out victorious in the end, after one small scary bump in the end. I passed it.

What I find so interesting is, this story had such a powerful effect on me, and fell perfactly in the timeline of events of how everything happened with me. It seemed to mirror everything in metaphor so strongly. I am estatic that I passed calculus 2 and can move on. Yet after reading the last chapter of the story, I am unsure if I am happy, sad, satisfied, pleased, or upset. It could be the holidays, it could be something I am not yet aware of. It could even just be bare jelousy/envy of the change for the character, and my want of it.

Yet, I ramble on. I just see this as such a strong parallel, metaphor, and has so much meaning and symbolism to it that I had no choice but to share it.