ISTPs slaves to impulse

[Altruistic Muse]

Hey, long time no see. Hope everyone is well. This is just a post for anyone aware of INFJ/ISTP interactions. I'm an INFJ who is married to an ISTP. It's a weird combinationwhich, surprisingly, works for the mostpart. He doesn't worry about anything, a light hearted kind of guy who makes life seem a lot easier. We have the same views on most things, but we just come at them from a different angle, which keeps things interesting. He's also funny, generous, quirky, intelligent, calm and a great listener. I love him.

On our bad days, like everyone, we irritate the hell out of each other. I think this comes down to our N/S differences. I feel that as an INFJ I have good control over.. Everything! If I need to stay awake, I stay awake. If I feel like I've eaten too much, I don't eat anymore. If it is expected of me that I meet family, or friends, or his family or friends, I'm there. My husband on the other hand, seems an absolute slave to impulse. If he doesn't "feel" like doing something in that moment, that is good enough reason not to do it. If there is a chocolate bar there, that means it MUST be eaten. If he feels tired at 8pm, it is ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to fight the sleep and stay awake until a sensible time so that he doesn't wake me up when his eyes ping open at 4am and it is ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE not to wake up and get out of bed. Sorry this seems really grouchy, but I,just find it so alien/irritating that it's like these external factors are insurmountable... When I, as a human, also have the same impulses which I just ignore...

 

[La Sagna]

I think you might want to take it easy. This forum is not clique at all as far as I have seen and people are welcoming of new members, but I think it's not as active as other online forums. You posted this not that long ago. Give people a chance. I read it and thought that I would come back and answer when I had more time. It seems to me that perhaps you need to be a little less judgemental. As an INFJ I am also inclusive but I also don't enjoy criticizing others.

Here's my take on your question: I have a 21 year old son who's an ISTP, what you describe fits perfectly. He has little self-control. I would think that would be more of a J/P difference.
Personally I have taken the stance that because I think that things are important to me, like not eating the chocolate bar if I don't think I should, doesn't mean that another person sees it the same way as me. They just think, if it's there why not eat it? I have realized that it doesn't make any sense to him that I wouldn't eat the chocolate bar if it's there.
You have to decide if you can handle this quirk of his personality because it's not going to change and he's not going to understand why it's a big deal to you because it isn't to him.

 

[Altruistic Muse]

Thanks La Sagna. This is an ongoing thing, as I've been a member of the forum for probably five years now, and it's happened several times before. However as you can see I'm in a terrible mood, and I'm not usually so snappy and impatient. Sorry all.

i appreciate your feedback. It hasn't usually annoyed me so much before re impulses, it's just vexing me because it's massively affecting my sleep patterns. Like now I'll go to sleep at 11pm, he'll wake me up again at 4am. It'd be less of an issue otherwise. And hence the crabiness . Sigh

 

[INFJok]

An INFJ and an ISTP? Interesting. Where did you guys first meet? When you first started engaging with him, when did you first notice his impulsiveness?

 

[slant]

To me it sounds like you need to have better communication with your spouse. If the issue is him waking you up in the morning, you need to figure out what can be done so he doesn't wake you up in the morning. If you're both unwilling to compromise then I don't know what to say- relationships are all about compromise. Maybe you need to take a sleeping pill that'll knock you out so you go to bed earlier and don't get waken up. Maybe you need to sleep in different rooms. Maybe some nights you can go to bed at the same time and alternate which time- the early or the later time. I dunno but you need to meet some middle ground here and tackle the problem head on. Maybe even try earplugs? A bed that is one of those microfiber so you can't feel someone move when they get up? Etc.

 

[ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc]

An INFJ and an ISTP? Interesting. Where did you guys first meet?

translation:

"WTF is this blasphemous ass relationship?"

 

[Altruistic Muse]

translation:

"WTF is this blasphemous ass relationship?"

Hahaha. Yeh. It's pretty strange, I thought for a long time he was intp. Then I realise he's definitely more intested in 'how' than 'why'. But that said, his intuition is well-developed, and he likes psycho-analysing people. We've had a deep connection from the start; he often finishes my sentences and knows exactly where I'm coming from. We met at work, back in the days when I was desperately trying to be something I'm not, and decided to taken on surveying as a career. It really wasn't for me (I'm a nurse now), but he was an office legend. Very clever, very practical.

 

[barbad0s]

@Altruistic Muse

Yeah, as an ESTP, I can very much relate to the impulsiveness. And I've seen the impulsiveness of the ISTPs I'm friends with. We are kind of like animals trapped in human bodies... LOL

Unfortunately you have to be understanding of them and persistently, constantly work with them if you hope to work together to make things easier on you both. Kind of a paradox, eh? I'm sure these issues are draining on you both. I sympathize. But if you love him and are both committed, I'm sure you are both focused on the payoff of your efforts together.

 

[SarahBS]

An INFJ and an ISTP? Interesting. Where did you guys first meet? When you first started engaging with him, when did you first notice his impulsiveness?

he often finishes my sentences and knows exactly where I'm coming from.

My boy friend's also ISTP.We have so much in common and talk.he's always quiet everywhere but with me he doesn't stop talking!
We can understand each other and honestly no one else can. I Think INFJ/ISTP could be a great relationship if F try to be less emotional and T try to be a little more emotional.( of course I guess he cannot change that) But I love him so much ^_^

 

[Solongo]

Your partner sounds spontaneous. May lack self discipline; but sounds like someone who lives in the moment and not stress about the future much? INFJ tend to gear towards futurism and are great planners. My partner is not an IS type but he sure is also very spontaneous. In the beginning it used to irritate me especially when i am in my serious mood; but I have learned to appreciate the spontaneous way of being. I think opposites attract; perhaps he can learn more about planning and discipline from you and you can work on being more spontaneous as well. Your relationships sounds very complimentary and that is always a great place to work from. Like you said; what matters in the end is that you both have the same goals but have different approaches to it. As long as you have that working out the small kinks will be easier.

 

[Dohavior]

I've only seen the INTJ/ISTP type relationships and damn is that funny with compulsive meets impulsive dynamic just going nuts. It looks like a very uncoordinated game of twister.

Yeah, as an ESTP, I can very much relate to the impulsiveness. And I've seen the impulsiveness of the ISTPs I'm friends with. We are kind of like animals trapped in human bodies... LOL

With Niffs being more like the exotic Turducken variety of animal trapped in human body. Double stuffed! With many layers... like an onion! xD Totally worth the thumbs down.