Is romance necessary for love? | INFJ Forum

Is romance necessary for love?

Gaze

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Sep 5, 2009
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So, I've spent most of my childhood and young adulthood idealizing romance, believing it was the be all and end all of a relationship. And of course, now things have changed. I always associated love with romance. But how much are they truly connected? If someone is not romantic, does it mean they don't love you. Or does it depend? It made me wonder if romance is important as I thought or important at all? Or whether it's necessary for love at all?


Define romance in your own words?
Is romance necessary for love?
And do you think presonality type affects how important romance is or isn't to love?
 
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Define romance in your own words?
hmm, tough one. i don't really have a definition for it. i do not possess romantic tendencies and find myself confused (to the point of annoyance at times) by it in others

Is romance necessary for love?
no, but some people seem to enjoy it and it would therefore enhance their relationships. i don't think it's a prerequisite for everyone tho. again it would depend on what 'romantic' meant. maybe someone having the garbage taken out for them would be seen to be a form of a romantic gesture. not that mike would ever touch a garbage bag but if he ever spontaneously did i would think it was really sweet of him...so there ya go -jgirl's version of romance lol

And do you think presonality type affects how important romance is or isn't to love?
absolutely, although i'm not sure if you mean mbti types or general personality types.
i tend to not put much stock into the mbti stuff because it's all far too subjective a concept to contain in a set number of 'types'
i think they can be guidelines, but i also think you can move from one to another throughout your life depending on your cirucmstances and experiences. for this reason they fail in my eyes as any sort of serious measurement of personality.
 
I think romance is a natural by-product OF love.

Romance between one pair of individuals over another will likely be defined and thus expressed in different ways.
 
Define romance in your own words?
Romance is an outward expression of an inner feeling (love) between those whom are intimately acquainted. This includes those that do not choose to have a sexual relationship for whatever reason.

Is romance necessary for love?
There is more than one definition of love that can be given and Romance is not an expression used between friends or family (deviates excluded). They have their own tools of showing affection and appreciation.

That said however as the OP is obviously referring to romantic love then I would say yes. If you go by my definition of Romance, then it includes small gestures instead of just grand overtures. In my opinion it is sometimes the smaller things, the almost unconscious actions, that have more impact on me than the overt ones. I believe that there needs to be some kind of non-verbal indication that there is a connection to keep a relationship together.

And do you think personality type affects how important romance is or isn't to love?
Interesting question. I think I'd have to see some data on it before making a definitive say on the matter, but sure there is every indication that the importance of romance can be directly correlated to personality types. Whilst I find personality types fascinating, they aren't my guide to romantic relationships. I won't go as far as to say 'love conquers all' but I think if two people are sincerely in to each other then they will create boundaries and compromises to make it work.
 
Define romance in your own words?
Romance is two things for me. It is an experience we go through and it is a type of interaction. The romantic experience is the experience of being obsessed with someone, seeing things in relation to them, idealizing them in ways, and wanting them to love us. The romantic interaction is experiences that give a sense of partners in an experience, that you want them to like the experience and you, or simply a subtle reminder that you love that they love you.

Is romance necessary for love?
I think there are three parts of this kind of love. One is sexual drive, it's not that important but has a big influence on us. Then there's romantic. Then there's attachment and appreciation. I know once for me, it was more about attachment and appreciation than it was romantic until months of knowing them.

And do you think presonality type affects how important romance is or isn't to love?

I think type greatly influences our ideas of what is romance, what kind of experiences and activities express it and are felt by us. I remember reading through some of those 16 type mini-books once and it had descriptions of how different types are in love and what they are into. I asked people of other types if they felt it fit them and we all seemed to agree to our descriptions.

But I think all types experience romance and find it important, even if they are more likely to deny it.
 
So, I've spent most of my childhood and young adulthood idealizing romance, believing it was the be all and end all of a relationship. And of course, now things have changed.

I know that feel.

Define romance in your own words?

I'm sure it's different for everyone. Conventionally, romance is flowers and candles and all that stuff media and culture tells us about.

For me, romance is based on intention and feelings of intimacy, thoughtfulness, and deep connection. I base romanticness on how connected, warm, and fuzzy I feel with someone. I'd find having a farting contest pretty romantic if it was just the two of us. That's intimacy >>>>. The idea of "just the two of us" is a pretty romantic concept in itself, come to think of it. I think that might be the foundation of what romance is about.

Is romance necessary for love?

I'm sure this would depend entirely on the person as well as on their working definition of romance. I think that romance is not necessary for love, and that you can be romantic without having real love, but romance will only feel truly deeply romantic if there is love behind it as a source.

And do you think presonality type affects how important romance is or isn't to love?

I think different personality types might generally have difference in preference for how romance is expressed. For example, two INTPs who are dating might find it supremely romantic to just be using their laptops separately while in the same room and chilling together, while most people of some other types would find nothing romantic about that. Again, it would depend on the individual more than anything I'm sure. As another example, if I was out on a fancy dinner date with my boyfriend, I would feel the romance from the sense of togetherness of us doing an activity alone together, from the harmony between our bodies, and from the intimate conversation. If my best friend, who must be an SJ of some sort (typed as ISTJ in the past) was on a fancy dinner date with her boyfriend, I'm guessing she would get more of a sense of romance from the effort her boyfriend put into sorting out all the little details of the date and making it a very suave and classy experience for her--maybe one that she imagined herself having in the future as a young girl.
 
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Simple things. Rub sore muscles after a workout. Sweaty sex on a mountain top at the end of a hike. Unspoken gestures. Write something nice for someone. Say "I love you" because it is a simple and hard truth.

The material stuff is a means to an end. It won't sustain anything.
 
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For me, I know I'm in love by being romantic and doing special things for the person I love. For me, not being romantic for a long period of time would mean I was either depressed or out of love.
 
I don't believe so, but it definitely doesn't hurt. I define love as unconditional, therefore it is a choice to remain in the relationship whether or not the person meets your expectations or even returns your love at times, though I have opted out of unrequited love as it is pure masochism.

I think paying attention to and supporting your partner is true romance and I doubt this varies with type, though I could be wrong. I think flowers could just be an acknowledgement that is important to some. Some want flowers at work for a public acknowledgement and I was once guilty of this. I suspect that has to do with insecurity.
 
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For me, romance is based on intention and feelings of intimacy, thoughtfulness, and deep connection.

Yep, this is it for me as well. It's the sense that two people share a feeling for each other that they want to show in some way. It's not about A needs to do this or that for me to show that he or she cares. It's more, it's nice when A or B does C because it makes me feel loved or cared for. I think romance, although it's portrayed as selfish - do something nice to get something, is really meant to be a thoughtful and selfless act. You do something for both of you to show your interest and committment. You may do something romantic just because it makes the person happy or feel closer to you.