Is it possible to find someone who likes me gorgeous who I am? | INFJ Forum

Is it possible to find someone who likes me gorgeous who I am?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Darc, Oct 22, 2017.

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  1. Darc

    Darc Well-known member

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    So I'm honestly feeling like I'm just not attractive to women at all...


    On first impressions and coming into contact or across to some women, I seem to gain a fair amount of attention. I am considered physically attractive snc thus in that way I seem to attract, but whenever I try to open up to anyone, I am often met with not much of a very warm reception, and I cannot help but feel I just turn most women cold, and I used to try to not let it bother me, or I'd right it off but lately I cannot help but feeling it's very apparent to me. In fact in general, I am met with this reception in many other places as well. When I try to be open or be myself, I am just net with cold shoulders of and the like. I met this girl I clicked with well, but at the same time I felt sort of like she'd was trying to fix me and in some ways I think it was how she trying to show care, but still, I find this odd vompilsion in others to try and fix me or give unwarranted advice in all kinds of ways...


    So, It's frustrating because these card due to deeply held personal beliefs and the like, but generally I'm notbtoo often met with understanding in that regard. I've become much more confident in who I am and more open with who I am, but confidence or not it seems to make no difference and I find myself ever closing off to the world and generally feeling like I just to not really care...


    Honestly it makes me think that generally there is just no leeway, you must completely conform and yet no one will say that. Miss there st least any solution or leeway? Because it drives me nuts.


    I guess some sympathizing ears might understand where I'm going with this but uh...yeah I just feel like..I cannot become more calloused, aloof and uncaring towards "the brain washed masses"



    I guess in general, I guess personal feelings, deeply held views that hold any fivergence ftombthe masses are just notbyoleratednor are mostly to be hidden except for very rare occasions, and otherwise, you just act out your much perfected and socially enforced roles and simply spend the rest of my life pleasing others and performing my duties perfectly.(all that matters facts and how adequately one can obey and follows the rules and orders imposed above you Basically?
     
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  2. OP
    Darc

    Darc Well-known member

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    I guess what I mean too is just that I feel stared at this point what to say or even for around women anymore because it seems like you can so easily and do many things will immediately tutnbthem off or suddenly make them not like u
    You in an instant and in all honesty, it just feels like half the time it's not worth it being straight and it just shouldn't be this hard or difficult. I am just wondering what this is...
     
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  3. Disguised

    Disguised Community Member

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    What do you think others are trying to fix in you? Are you stressed? Over encumbered in thought? Depressed? Finding no meaning in what others do? They are trying to be helpful but not sure how. There's nothing wrong with that.

    Only you can give value to life. I myself find most of the things quite meaningless that people chase in this world, but as I understand more I can love them more. So many people are defined by their surroundings, especially what their parents value. People don't question it often enough what others think.

    There is nothing wrong with you, like there is nothing wrong with others. We live in a time in which ignorance is a virtue, and that surely is a horrible thing, but that is the way it is. It doesn't help at all to get sad about that fact, creating a solution does. A problem without a solution will remain a problem.

    Being yourself in this world is very difficult, how you survive in it will define you in the end. I myself thought I had to adapt to everything and with everyone, but as I value myself as a whole I don't find the need to obey anything or anyone if my morals and values don't meet with it. You are always your own boss so to speak. Build yourself on good values and you will find yourself surrounded with people.

    Ps. Some women are quite picky and delicate which you have noticed. Remember that there are dozens of men after them, and you know you aren't one of them. Be different. Be yourself.
     
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  4. Ren

    Ren Pin's android and co-founder of Stoic Café

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    @Darc Hi and sorry to hear you're experiencing this. I'm pretty sure this is an experience that everyone has been through. Do you think you might be opening up too much too quicky, in a way that stresses the person out?

    It is not true that you have to "conform" and lie about how you truly feel to attract people long-term. The opposite is true, I believe. It is only by being yourself and proud of being yourself that you can make the relationship last. If you don't think you open up too quickly in a way that could be seen as stressful, maybe you haven't found the right person yet. Maybe you have focused your attention on those who did not deserve it. But this can change tomorrow.

    Be always careful to not make your self-worth dependent on the perceived views of other people.
     
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  5. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    Friend, focus on the man in the mirror. Things with women become easier as you achieve more in life. Women like, and respect, professionally successful men.
     
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  6. Ren

    Ren Pin's android and co-founder of Stoic Café

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    @Pin Some women. Who will drop them when they become less successful. Not all women.

    I can't believe some of what you write sometimes XD some stuff I completely agree with, other stuff completely disagree. I guess that makes it more interesting.
     
  7. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    Ren, I'm confused. What do you mean?
     
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  8. Ren

    Ren Pin's android and co-founder of Stoic Café

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    Simply that being professionally successful is not an internal quality, but an external achievement which is much more subject to change and contigency, and I'd hope most women's interest would not be so superficial as to change with the tide all the time. You could also say, "well, it's enough to make sure you remain professionally successful always." But that's a lot of pressure, don't you think?

    Edit: maybe not much pressure for an ENTJ... :grin:
     
  9. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    I agree. Traditionally, being a good man (good at being a man) is a lot of pressure because he has the following: enough money to provide for himself and his family, enough power to protect himself and his family. Ergo, owning a home in a safe location, being physically strong, and maintaining a stable degree of professional success. He also has money saved for emergencies, that way, he can weather through the storm.

    As for maintaining interest, ultimately, a man cannot control whether his girlfriend or wife will leave him or not. However, if he is a good man, there will be no shortage of potential relationships.
     
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    #9 Pin, Oct 22, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2017
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  10. Ren

    Ren Pin's android and co-founder of Stoic Café

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    I can accept that :)

    (Aristotle, come out of this body!)
     
  11. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    Life is all about that Golden Mean.
     
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  12. OP
    Darc

    Darc Well-known member

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    Omfg, the title was from my tables auto correct feature lol I did not notice it, so embarrassing.


    But yeah I'm not trying to be a misogynist, or make women feel bad, as I have alluded to, it seems to be kind of a strife I deal with in the greater social world in general...everyone seems to act or try to keep the pretense and image of living in this much more liberal world, but yet why does how we view each other socially hinging so greatly on very capitalist influenced kind of perspectives and belief systems? Obviously yes, such is nature and human nature st that, and I generally accept my responsibilities as soon man. I like being a man in general send I like women for appreciating this and vice versa, bug in general, must it be so unyielding or have so much lack of noncompliance or divergence from these cultural mores or exceptions...

    I mean, I'm an Infp OK? stereotypes aside, I'm not just all about money or completely adhering to and following the status quo and thus it's kind of irksome at times. This new woman I met recently...I think she's really intelligent,and ND is attending college right now, she has some tattoos and kind of a punky and d kind of wild hair cut, and I think she might be an xntj or something....

    I mean, that's one thing I've ground really frustrating Here, is that like there's no subcultures hardly in Canada anymore and it's really frustrating in general and I feel like I need that in my life and ironically is the reason I think I get along with her so well...there is a bit but not quite as fleshed out or something...(or maybe Xntp?)ish
    I mean I've kind of come to terms with women overlooking me or not being compatible with most of the population in general, it's just irksome at times...

    But to be fair, not to brag, I am considered to feel decent looking and apparently really good in the sack, and (and maybe perhaps a little well endowed :eek:) I am also artistically, musically inclined, am a virtuoso guitar player and such, am reasonably intelligent and thus could be moderately successful in that sense, I am also considered to be somewhat to be somewhat charismatic I Think?

    I lot of people don't like me though because again, kind of have an off center artist, punk bohemian thing, and I think my Files seriously rubs people the wrong way send I just pissed people off all of the times or likewise attract lots of social scorn, hostility, other guys trying to start shit with me.

    I mean no offense to women but like, again I seem all these guys who are like ass holes some of them even in their 30s attracting all these women, and they are kind of ass holes and slobs and have drinking or substance abuse problems. I think it might be the part of Canada I am in partially as well, but fuck, like so many people font like me Wtf? I think a lot of its just because I am quiet and laid back :/
     
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    #12 Darc, Oct 23, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2017
  13. OP
    Darc

    Darc Well-known member

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    Sorry for writing so much can't help It!


    I am not that successful at the moment financially, but I've gotten pretty good at music, I am a virtuoso at the guitar, I know some music theory and have been told I have a nice singing voice. I guess when I start playing live more and in bands it will help more in that regard. But as far as the work money thing, I've had a lot of set backs, I am from a poor family, plus I just never wanted to follow the beaten path....but like hardly anyone seems to get that...


    I um....I don't like shallow relationships, but ugh, the whole assertive thing really gets me. I find western society way too boisterous and to me personally what's considered assertive seems to aggressive to me, and it's too much for me. So, I am always kind of the odd one out in that regard. I wouldn't say I am completely indecisive, but I feel like sometimes you're supposed to be like a judging man for people to take you seriously and even women to respond to uou and it's really irksome.
     
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    #13 Darc, Oct 23, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2017
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