INTJ+INFJ: help appreciated | INFJ Forum

INTJ+INFJ: help appreciated

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by el guapo, Dec 29, 2011.

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  1. el guapo

    el guapo Newbie

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    I am a male intj. I am dating a female infj.
    Does anybody have any experience with this pairing who would feel comfortable making sweeping generalizations about it? What's the good? What's the bad? What could be done better? What do you, if you are an infj (preferably heterosexual female) wish you could tell/could've told your partner?

    the rules for posting in this thread:
    -no posting about how personality types are vague and indeterminate. i mean, duh. we all know that and you're a member of this forum so get out of here with that crap.
    -please refrain from posting if you are particularly jaded and, as a result, less than objective in your post.
    -i can't think of anything else right now beyond "stay on topic" and "don't be an ass" which should always be courtesy, anyway

    Thanks a bunch!
     
  2. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Does not compute.
     
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  3. OP
    el guapo

    el guapo Newbie

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    thank you so much for your insight.
     
  4. Matt3737

    Matt3737 Similes are like songs in love.

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    If you don't want vague and indeterminate replies, then you will need to be more specific in your request. As it stands now, you've requested generalized responses while simultaneously asking us not to refer to how vague and generalized that reply might be. You either need to provide specific details on your relationship in which others may be able to comment or accept that the current discussion is already self-referential and allow the discussion to play out speculatively.

    TL;DR: A topic about sweeping generalizations can't also be specifically structured to stay on topic without details in which to focus upon and maintain coherence.
     
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  5. OP
    el guapo

    el guapo Newbie

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    I am asking for people to share their personal experiences with the pairing and I have even given some specifics pertaining to the kind of information that I want. How is this unclear to you? My own relationship is irrelevant to your (currently nonexistent) responses. I am sorry that i brought it up.
    Generalizations are good because they are simple and anything beyond a generalization will not be applicable to my relationship and is, therefore, not useful information. Additionally I would prefer to avoid the useless "people aren't just 1 of 16 types so don't label me" comments that come up so often in these forums. That is the point of the first rule.
    I was hoping that by providing some guidelines I wouldn't have to read stupid shit like this but the first poster handed me drivel and you decided to make a post before removing your head from your ass. I'm so sorry that 10 lines of text was to long for you to read and comprehend. Thank you for posting obnoxious 1337-speak to iterate that.
     
  6. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    Firstly, calm down. I think you may have inadvertently stepped on some toes when you added, "rules for posting in this thread" and the subsequent information following it. Most of the folks here would have responded kindly to the first part of your request, and unless they're here for the trollish lolz they would've given you a real answer. In other words your second paragraph wasn't really needed. It would've been better just to ask without the disclaimer, and then pick/choose the responses that fit your situation. But I agree there was no need to add fuel to the fire.

    That being said, yes - I was in a relationship with an INTJ and I am female, but I'm not sure what kind of sweeping generalizations you're looking for. People aren't the same. I can tell you how it was with him and I, but I only dated the one INTJ. I can tell you that the one I dated could be selfish, immature, crass and rude...but we also 'got' each other fairly well and we had no problems going deep with each other. He was a fascinating man who was a fantastic artist and architect. But he was also a bit of an ass. Granted, I knew how to push his buttons right back and we could get under each others' skin like no one else.

    What could've been better? Communication. We "knew" things, but sometimes you have to say those things. Sometimes you have to get emotional because we're not projects to solve. Me, I wish I had used more technical metaphors with him when we were having problems.

    In the end, the reason why we didn't stay together was due to his Mother. In hindsight, though, it was for the best - mostly because we weren't on the same level playing field.
     
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  7. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    [video=youtube;2ZEXGucfg9s]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZEXGucfg9s[/video]
     
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  8. OP
    el guapo

    el guapo Newbie

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    Thank you for posting. How long did you date (if you don't mind)?
     
  9. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    I think we dated about three years or so; enough to know each other pretty well, at least.
     
  10. Matt3737

    Matt3737 Similes are like songs in love.

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    Nevermind, I'm not going to bother.
     
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  11. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    infj on infj is too much too quick. if they dont pace themselves then they will both get burnout and not last. the relationship process requires that you work through your differences slowly. chances are one of the infjs is a mistyped enfj
     
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  12. Ogre

    Ogre Newbie

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    I am in an INFJ/INTJ relationship right now. Just with different roles :)
    I think we complete each other with my INTJ girfriend, and we have a lot in common as well. There are no rules here, just be yourself. INFJ will appriciate that you are T, and rationalist, and you will be having fun because she is F, and you will become more F with her. Because of the Ni, both of you like weird stuff, so don't hide your weird ideas, comments, even if its a little dark. And discuss everything, if it interests you. With an INFJ/INTJ, the shallow topics are not that shallow. :)
     
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  13. OP
    el guapo

    el guapo Newbie

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    How long have you been going out? What do you think is the greatest source of tension in your relationship and how are you working to overcome that? Is there anything that you wish your partner would do differently?
    (I'm not trying to be pessimistic or imply that there are issues in your relationship)
     
  14. qyot

    qyot Newbie

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    I was in a year long committed relationship with INTJ. I'm a female INFJ. I think what broke the relationship overall was his paranoia and lack of commitment to our future -- he'd make big plans then break them leaving me financially screwed or destitute. Once I caught him giving me a dirty look and an eye roll behind my back to a strange person neither of us knew (this strange person was a sales clerk who had a bad day and just finished verbally assaulting me in front of a crowd of people). Instead of sticking up for me, walking out, or contacting her manager he joined in with the attacks by mocking me. At that point I was completely done, after I verbally assaulted him in PRIVATE. Says a lot that he was willing side with a random trashy stranger attacking me rather than protecting me. I put a lot of energy into helping him feel secure but when it came to me, I was the first person he threw under the bus. One too many times and I walked away.
     
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  15. qyot

    qyot Newbie

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    I think INTJ & INFJ are great together when things are going well, like all of the time and that is not realistic. My INTJ either disclosed to much information to the point of insulting me or hid really important vital information that effected us negatively after it was exposed. He had way too many secret bank accounts, lawyers, court BS going on for me to marry him. I was worried he'd put the screws to me by hiding his financing dealings while using mine for recreation. However, somehow he was sympathetic toward deadbeats using him but as long as I worked my a$$ into the ground it was OK and he was OK using me. Overall I felt unappreciated, highly vulnerable, scared, not on par with his wanna be image. Then afterward he tired the whole "I'm moving on" social media bit when he never posted one picture of me. His whole account was his ex-wife from 2 years ago and his new girlfriends. INFJ's are way too vulnerable and nice for an INTJ. Everyone is different but I'm biased after that horrific experience. Completely incompatible for my tastes.
     
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  16. OP
    el guapo

    el guapo Newbie

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    thank you for posting! i'm sorry it didn't work out for you
     
  17. Matt3737

    Matt3737 Similes are like songs in love.

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    After some time to calm myself, let me clarify my statement.

    In this sentence, you've requested TWO different, distinct replies. One is specific, personal information in which you list some sample questions in order to elicit said replies, and the other is vague and indeterminate information in which you may be able to infer similar circumstances that might be applied to your own personal relationship.

    I know exactly what you asked for. My reading comprehension is quite good, thank you. Yours, however, needs improvement. I did not respond to your first request because I have no relevant response to provide you. As for your second request though, I can only provide generalizations based on details about your relationship otherwise I would be in violation of the rules stated by generalizing about generalizations (i.e. a self-referential discussion). My response was given in order to help you better clarify your request in which you gave a shotgunning style questionaire in order to elicit a broad range of responses while simultaneously trying to limit the conversation to your liking. I do not appreciate your rude, condescending, and belligerent attitude.

    Lastly, 1337-speak, as its name implies, is the use of numbers to represent letters in written communication. I fail to see a single instance of such use.
     
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  18. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    +1 on the logic fail and rudeness.
     
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  19. qyot

    qyot Newbie

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    This is why INTJs get confused with being autistic.
     
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  20. qyot

    qyot Newbie

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    To [MENTION=4822]Matt3737[/MENTION]

    I'm sorry you got that type of response from the OP but clearly it's a case of him via "me, me, me" and when he's done ripping your heart out to get what he wants "screw you -- I'll insult you with personal attacks while I'm at it". I'm not sure how this person is NOT generalizing his own type. On their very best day (as in depressed and needy) INTJs are nice people. When you don't give them exactly what they ask for on a silver platter with full recognition, be prepared for war.
     
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