Intense attraction to ISTJ males -- ISTJs and lovers of ISTJs, please help me out here! | INFJ Forum

Intense attraction to ISTJ males -- ISTJs and lovers of ISTJs, please help me out here!

Marllon

Marllon

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Apr 7, 2017
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Before getting to the point, I've mentioned on here that I think might be an INTP, but at a social level I behave like an ISFP. I do not like discussing theory or humanities for too long, but I definitely enjoy reading about it. For the most part, I am just a passive observer. Recently, I have been considering the thought of maybe being a nerdy ISFP, but I'm still not sure.

I am clueless when it comes to generating connections with men that I am attracted to, due to social anxiety, fear of rejection and embarrassing myself. I have no problem with casually flirting, though, which is the odd part. I wouldn't call myself conventionally attractive, but I do attract a lot of prying eyes. I am going to credit it to my demeanor and presence. I have read that ISFPs have a come hither air about them, and I think that might be my case, too. I have been touched by total strangers of all genders, which is usually off-putting and startling. My most intense interactions have been with what I assume are most likely ISTJ and ENFP men, but especially ISTJ. But because of my social anxiety, I don't follow through in conversation. With the ISTJ men I have had these interactions with, it's usually a loud silence of sexual tension coming from me. I don't know, I'm very feral for a human, and in ways more like a subdued wild cat. I am shit at hiding this, because I become very still, start looking down, clench my jaw, grind my teeth, and then my heart will start beating rapidly and loudly due to my rush of hormones bubbling up. When this has happened, these ISTJ men either stared intently and/or smirked. I have had this with a total with at least 4 ISTJ men, and maybe even two more who may have been ISTJ. My issue is that because I am so nonverbal and physically-oriented, that communication does not develop because though they're doing their best, it's still not enough for leeway for more than a very brief chat. My best friend tests as an ENTJ 8w7, but I swear she has tertiary Ne, which makes me wonder if she's really a mistyped ESTJ. Our conversations flow so effortlessly and we talk on the phone almost everyday, but it's because she's leading. On paper, I would think ESTJ and ISTJ to be very smilar, but they do have stark differences in person. What can I bring up to prolong an ISTJ man's interest to talk? I do consider that I might be coming off rude by being so quiet, since I am very protective of my vulnerability, but I want to work on that.
 
Another thing, my social anxiety only comes up with men I'm more than carnally interested in.
 
Hmmm...This is a toughy.

My husband is an ISTJ and when we started flirting and talking, it was really up to me to pursue him. I chased him for weeks before he finally loosened up and things progressed. He later told me that he didn't act strongly first because he wanted to make absolutely sure that I was interested and sending signals before he acted. This has sort of been my personal experience knowing a couple ISTJs. They are not impulsive and will not act unless they are absolutely sure there is a signal to "go for it". They're good at not wearing their emotions on their sleeve. I'd say if you're attracted to ISTJs and you want more to happen, you are really going to need to amp up the body language and communication. ISTJs like to be told that they're good at the things they work hard at, so maybe questions about their work, their hobbies and really congratulating them on their success and hard work is a good way to pluck their heart strings. My husband beams when I tell him I'm proud of him or that he's good at something.

Also, keep in mind that ISTJs are not really that judgmental of people in casual interactions. They are pretty easy going and surface value people so I wouldn't worry too much about opening yourself up and being vulnerable in their presence. They actually probably appreciate that since they need certainties to act.
 
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ruji said:
Are you a dude?
Click to expand...
The plot thickens
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Aw man
 
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You are not INTP. I am and I do not feel mentioned tension around man.. of any type.

Another thing is that for me talking to ESTJ is not effortless. They are good to have fun with but when you have to talk about something seriously it is becoming hard - Ti and Te clashing. This relationship is called "ilusionary" in Socionics. If you like ESTJ and ISTJ you are rather ISFP.
 
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Istj is the best get with it guys
 
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@the While trying to better understand how different types think, I read something about ISTJs:
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ISTJs begin making sense of any situation by gathering and interpreting data. They are the “gate keepers” of organizations. They want data to justify decisions. Past Performance indicates future success. Traditions are to be respected and rules are to be kept. ISTJs tend to clash with iNtuitives, who are future oriented and often unimpressed with past data. These include INFJ, INTJ, INFP, INTP, ENFJ, ENTP, ENFJ, ENTJ. Intuitives may see the ISTJ as obstructionist to progress.


With types that see the future as more important than the past, these personality types may see what has happened in the past to be totally irrelevant to the present or future. They may see the ISTJ as obstructionist in his or her use of past data. Because rules to the ISTJ may be more important to than individual needs, the ISTJ may clash with Felling types such as the ENFJ, INFJ, ENFP, INFP, ISFJ, ESFJ, ESFP, and ISFP. However, ISTJs often get along well with Feeling Types because of their strong sense of upholding traditional values. ISTJs will often clash with those who want to bend or break the rules, often even for what everyone considers to be a good outcome. “The rules are the rules.”
–––––

Do you find this accurate or inaccurate, and how could Intuitives (or ISFPs, if the OP is one) improve their chances of getting along with, or bonding with your type?
 
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Pin said:
Really? Of all the male types to prefer, you prefer ISTJ.

Not ENTJ?

What?
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I like ENTJ men on my TV, in the books I read, or in erotic fantasies. They're sexy on paper, but I find that I'm not that into them in real life. My biggest problem with ENTJ and INTJ people that I have found is a lack of boundaries on their part. I have hung out with both types (ENTJ and INTJ), and the jarring patterns among them was snatching things from my hand. I really hate my personal space being invaded like that. A can I see that? or let me see? would be a nice forewarning instead of alarming me abruptly and savagely snatching an object from my hand. I also don't like Ni humor. I find the whole cryptic nature of it annoying and immature, usually.
 
Asa said:
@the While trying to better understand how different types think, I read something about ISTJs:
––––––
ISTJs begin making sense of any situation by gathering and interpreting data. They are the “gate keepers” of organizations. They want data to justify decisions. Past Performance indicates future success. Traditions are to be respected and rules are to be kept. ISTJs tend to clash with iNtuitives, who are future oriented and often unimpressed with past data. These include INFJ, INTJ, INFP, INTP, ENFJ, ENTP, ENFJ, ENTJ. Intuitives may see the ISTJ as obstructionist to progress.


With types that see the future as more important than the past, these personality types may see what has happened in the past to be totally irrelevant to the present or future. They may see the ISTJ as obstructionist in his or her use of past data. Because rules to the ISTJ may be more important to than individual needs, the ISTJ may clash with Felling types such as the ENFJ, INFJ, ENFP, INFP, ISFJ, ESFJ, ESFP, and ISFP. However, ISTJs often get along well with Feeling Types because of their strong sense of upholding traditional values. ISTJs will often clash with those who want to bend or break the rules, often even for what everyone considers to be a good outcome. “The rules are the rules.”
–––––

Do you find this accurate or inaccurate, and how could Intuitives (or ISFPs, if the OP is one) improve their chances of getting along with, or bonding with your type?
Click to expand...

1. Put up with us (just ask @acd) for a long time and eventually the longevity of your attempts to make a change will click with our love of the past and give your ideas more merit.

IDK if it is INFJ, or N or Ni, or what, but many of those type of ideas just seem like something you think would be "neat" to happen. "It's better!", "I like it more!" - IDC. It's not really rooted in anything besides what is exciting to you, or at least just seems superficial. Now if there is a tradition that I think is working pretty well then I don't want it changed by default. Maybe change it, but those types never seem to want a small change, they want to destroy the whole thing.

When I was younger I liked traditional or at least older ideas simply because they are the ones I understood best. I am also drawn to things simply due to their ancientness.

2. Use data to change our mind. I'm pretty accepting of reality, so if the data shows it then let's do it.

3. I'd say all of my girlfriends have been feelers. (Sounds dirty)

I was explaining to someone the other day that I really like the rules, but I also like to find where the rules are broken - and then break the system to force change. Usually to make the person who created the rules to feel stupid at how ineffectual their rule making skills are. I also love to force policies on to people and get into the word play to make what I want to happen, happen.

For instance at work we have a computer system that employees and customers must use. So intuitively people think that whatever the computer allows you to do must be the right thing, or at least allowable. Well I have a particular piece of guidance that says all customers qualified for my program must receive a particular service. Now giving them this service is good for the customer*, but it also puts the customer into an office performance pool which is eventually going to upset some managers. Well I have been waiting to use the managers own words against him, which are: "I write the regional policy, so I can change the regional policy." And I think that would be funny. But ultimately he needs to fix his broken system because of rules that are higher than his own (they are state rules).

*Because it is good for the customer, I get to twist that knife and say "Don't you care about customers???". I know that will really irritate an N.
 
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I can say, there are many things I love about my ISTJ wife. She is honest. She is clean. She takes care of everything. She has few close friends. She is quiet. Life with her allows my Ni Ti brain a universe of space to spread out. She never gets angry. She doesn't throw things or break things. And if you can learn some ISTJ tricks, they can be physically affectionate.
 
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