INFJs dating | INFJ Forum

INFJs dating

say what

say what

I like soft things...so soft!
Jan 8, 2014
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I'm curious to know the experiences of other INFJs dating.

Where did you meet your dates? Why did you typically do? How did you know if you had a connection? What do you find is the best or most difficult thing about dating? etc.

I've been thinking a lot about dating, and engaging in successful relationships. Just curious to know other's experiences, tips, advice, horror stories (have those!) and such :)
 
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I don't date much, but dates that I was actually interested in (I asked her on a date, not the other way around) I usually did at a restaurant. Very typical.

Actually, I've only been on one date with a girl that I wasn't already seeing. Go figure!

The conversation flowed. She was an ENFJ, so she kind of talked on and on and on, but I was very interested in what she had to say.

I feel as if I messed up though. We both needed to go to the bathroom, so when she got up, I did to, and she was like "ummm........don't you think you should stay to watch our stuff?"

Then, she had to go to the bathroom AGAIN, and I was waiting for her on a couch (there was a lounge for the drunk people to sober up). She came back, SAT ON MY LAP, but I got up right away to go to the bathroom. Missed the opportunity. We walked in the rain for a little bit, but when SHE decided the date was over, we couldn't find my car in the parking garage. I tried to make light of the matter (turned the whole thing into a horror movie waiting to happen), she wasn't having it. This was during school, so I never really had time to send my car to get washed, and I made a comment like, "whoa nelly, my car is so dirty," and she responded, "yeah, one would think that a guy would make sure his car is clean on a first date, no?"

She gave me the "just friends" text later. I was devastated. She's a sweet girl though. Absolutely adorable. She's dating a guy that's questionable though. I think she could do better. Still, she and I are acquaintances, and I've met girls that are better for me since then (it has been about 2 years now).

I've been pining over an ENTP girl for the past 13 months now. She and I have an interesting history. I think on February 15th we are going out on a "date" to a wolf reservation (pretty cool). She's in Latin America on vacation with one of her best friends right now, and we are messaging each other through Facebook, I JUST called the wolves night a "date." I'm waiting to see how she'll respond (she's fully aware that I'm interested in her already).
 
My least favorite part of dating was how much I was expected to give of myself. I'm not talking time-wise or emotionally, but when it came to sex (not happening on the third date no matter how hot you are, sorry, goodbye) and my tolerance for bullshit.

I think the way to know if we have a connection is if we have the same sense of humor, have similar values, enjoy doing unusual things together, and are interested in getting into each other's heads. This Valentine's Day isn't going to be a dinner, or a foot massage, or a vacation, just trashing rom-coms together, eating chocolate, and drinking. We might go out anyway, because we're opportunists and there are a lot of interesting specials.

Public love is weird, though. Everyone in the restaurant can see you while you're dreamily staring into each other's eyes. On this we both agree.
 
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Well since all of my relationships have been short lived, I can only say that one day I hope to find someone I can open up fully to.
 
I somehow tend to skip the casual dating phase and jump right into feels.. maybe it's an INFJ thing, maybe I'm just weird? :noidea:
 
Dating.... My greatest nemesis!!!!!! How the haunts my dreams and drains my soul. ;p
 
heh, dating and I are not really that great of friends. We're kind of frenemies. I'm not that great at it - but I try to be!

Haven't been on a date since August. And that one was a dud. We met online through a dating website, he actually seemed really cool, friendly and funny. In person he was just "blah" for lack of a better term. I tried to look cute and he wore dirty tennis shoes, plain jeans and a grey t-shirt. He hardly contributed to the conversation! And then after, he wanted to walk around and hang out. He tried to hold my hand - talk about mixed signals. Turns out once we got closer to our cars (I drove separately, yay!) he asked me if I wanted to come over to his place to "hang out". Ha! No thank you! Thank goodness I had other plans and I wasn't actually making up an excuse. He still kissed me (wtf?) before we parted.

Guys are strange creatures. Still looking to date and find a new relationship though............. yeah not going so well! x_x
 
They are strange!!!
[MENTION=9672]lawruhn[/MENTION] : maybe we should start a "Horrors of Dating" thread! And we can all share our horrible stories! Dear god...I do have quite a few!
 
[MENTION=9672]lawruhn[/MENTION] It sounds like the guy was nervous and maybe not all that experienced... Or just lazy... We are really all not that hard to figure out, at least I don't think we are.
[MENTION=10252]say what[/MENTION] I promise my dating stories are probably just as bad. But they are fun to laugh at now. It's great being young and dumb. Then I had an excuse for sucking so bad at this stuff.
 
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jimtaylor said:
[MENTION=9672]lawruhn[/MENTION] It sounds like the guy was nervous and maybe not all that experienced... Or just lazy... We are really all not that hard to figure out, at least I don't think we are.
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I think it was a combo of the three? He was new to the city and starting to work in a Comp Sci field, so I figured he would be a little shy. Still, it wasn't the best date I'd been on. But he still thought he could get lucky... so strange. Wishful thinking. ;)
 
lawruhn said:
I think it was a combo of the three? He was new to the city and starting to work in a Comp Sci field, so I figured he would be a little shy. Still, it wasn't the best date I'd been on. But he still thought he could get lucky... so strange. Wishful thinking. ;)
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Hopeless optimist :p
 
I honestly never seaked out dates when I was single.
I was never one to randomly ask Women out, then look and hope for some kind of connection. I think this is why so many people get discouraged and frustrated with their love lives. They shoot randomly at a dart board in hopes of hitting the bullseye.
All my dates and following relationships were very organic from the very beginning. There had to be some kind of connection between both of us beforehand.
 
MindYourHead said:
I honestly never seaked out dates when I was single.
I was never one to randomly ask Women out, then look and hope for some kind of connection. I think this is why so many people get discouraged and frustrated with their love lives. They shoot randomly at a dart board in hopes of hitting the bullseye.
All my dates and following relationships were very organic from the very beginning. There had to be some kind of connection between both of us beforehand.
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No, you are going about this all wrong, it's not random at all. It's called "Trophy Hunting". You pick out the hottest girl in the room and then start there. If you get rejected, you go to the next one until you finally get to the girl who doesn't turn you down. It is simply a process of elimination. Haha :p
 
jimtaylor said:
No, you are going about this all wrong, it's not random at all. It's called "Trophy Hunting". You pick out the hottest girl in the room and then start there. If you get rejected, you go to the next one until you finally get to the girl who doesn't turn you down. It is simply a process of elimination. Haha :p
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I don't read this thread being about conquest. But rather dating for the purposes of real relationships.
 
MindYourHead said:
I don't read this thread being about conquest. But rather dating for the purposes of real relationships.
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I know, I am just kidding. A little sarcastic humor to lighten the mood. ;)
 
When I was younger (early 20's) I found it easier to meet guys and have it happen organically (it's certainly what I prefer). I've found that the last year or so, I've recognized that I'm not meeting a lot of "new" people, and those that I do meet, are not single. For instance, a friend has a party, I'll meet lots of new people, but they're typically couples. I do meet new people at school and work, but because it's my of a professional part of my life, I don't like the idea of dating someone that I would have to have a working relationship with as well...so where does one meet someone? I've found online is really the only place. I go through periods where I'll try it, it'll fail horribly, and then decide it's not worth my time.
 
Reverie said:
My least favorite part of dating was how much I was expected to give of myself. I'm not talking time-wise or emotionally, but when it came to sex (not happening on the third date no matter how hot you are, sorry, goodbye) and my tolerance for bullshit.

I think the way to know if we have a connection is if we have the same sense of humor, have similar values, enjoy doing unusual things together, and are interested in getting into each other's heads. This Valentine's Day isn't going to be a dinner, or a foot massage, or a vacation, just trashing rom-coms together, eating chocolate, and drinking. We might go out anyway, because we're opportunists and there are a lot of interesting specials.

Public love is weird, though. Everyone in the restaurant can see you while you're dreamily staring into each other's eyes. On this we both agree.
Click to expand...

I run into some problems that might be similarly related from the other side of the gender gap. I really hate the whole giving/taking, tit for tat, trust tests some the less experienced women employ. I kind of like leaving all that sex stuff to the women, but that seems impossible one would just end up with a hodgepodge of niceties that have no sensual gratification in any form for anyone except the common onlooker guffawing with amusement. That kind of reminds me a lot of your last comment there lol. Hey at least you aren't fighting off the over spunky waitress whom can't keep her mind off that cute couple in the corner. OMFG woman take our order and just leave already!!! Whole time your date is just thinking damn he is such a woman abuser!

When there is an intense desire for one another I have difficulty striking a balance with their extreme paranoia and embarrassment in obtaining what they desire. The fears that you will hurt the one you care about OR that you are not good enough. I think it is these same emotions that fuel much of the thoughts of those around me halting progress and dwarfing mankind. It is the repugnance towards these two concepts that is the basis of my solitude as an introvert.

On a more personal note what do you mean trashing rom-coms there are many favorites I have seen! I can't imagine chocolate and drinking. I just picture beer and m&ms with some quality time fighting over the bathroom. Not that I ever drink, but here is an interesting article http://www.wikihow.com/Pair-Wine-and-Chocolate
 
Love_Conquers_All said:
Well since all of my relationships have been short lived, I can only say that one day I hope to find someone I can open up fully to.
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Unfortunately, the unfair fact I've learned is, it works the other way around. You have to be fully open, before you find them, or rather, really connect with whomever you might find.
 
NK278 said:
Unfortunately, the unfair fact I've learned is, it works the other way around. You have to be fully open, before you find them, or rather, really connect with whomever you might find.
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Yeah, about that. The likelihood of that ever happening 0.0000000000000000000000000000000001
 
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